User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/167
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Episode 167: The Battlestar Galactica-Themed Episode that Didn't Kill Han
(Scene begins on a planet)
(Dr. Aquarii and Keira are walking down the crowded street)
Dr. Aquarii: So afterwards, I modified the device to prevent me from yelling the word bomb.
Keira: Yes, but you couldn't have done it without my help.
Dr. Aquarii: Well, let's go to our room.
(Scene switches to Keira and Dr. Aquarii entering their room)
(Keira begins taking off her clothes)
Dr. Aquarii: What are you doing?
Keira: Do you need to know?
(Keira and Dr. Aquarii have sex, Keira's spine can be shown glowing green)
(Scene changes to a shadowy spaceship)
Robert Gates: Release the porn bombs!
(Several bombs fall from the shadowy spaceship down to the planet below)
(Scene changes back to Keira and Dr. Aquarii)
Dr. Aquarii: So you're a robot.
Keira: Yes, in this storyline.
Dr. Aquarii: Why did you need to have me <Bleep> you?
Keira: Because you gave me the codes to allow the bombs to land.
Dr. Aquarii: The bomb blast will kill me!
Keira: Hide behind me!
(The shockwave appears, and engulfs Keira and Dr. Aquarii, when the scene clears up, Dr. Aquarii is still alive, but Keira is dead)
(Scene switches to the Battlestar Uncyclopedia: an old ship turning into a museum)
Visitor: So this is the Uncyclopedia?
Cpt. Adam: Yes it is. She was a fine, fine ship.
Visitor: If that is so, than WHY is there a HAMMER and SICKLE wallpaper all over the walls!?!
Lt. Engelsfair: Ronalds and I had a COMMUNIST PARTY!!!
Visitor: Pun...BAD PUN!!! BAD, BAD PUN!!!
Major Han: I know.
(Han punches Engelsfair)
Random Guy: Wow! You actually got the stuff to fake an Edlon attack on the Uncyclopedia?
Adam: Of course we... Wait. We never did that!
Han: I've got a bad feeling about this...
Engelsfair: (Over intercom) Get anyone who can fly into the Communist fighters!
(Scene switches to hangar)
Commander Muganez: Everyone to your planes! (Gets in Yak-1000)
Lt. Annie Soson: Okay. (Leaps into Yak-500)
All Other Pilots: Let's go! (Leap into assorted planes)
(The group takes off)
Muganez: So how do you guys like this sci-fi theme?
Annie: It's nice. I'll admit that.
Lt. Thomas Starnes: I'm picking up life from the planet.
Muganez: Annie, you and Starnes go and investigate the life signal. I'm going to fight here.
(Scene goes to outer space, Annie and Starnes's ships are seen going towards the planet)
Muganez and Other Pilots: Charge!!!
(A large on-screen battle ensues, with the outdated Yak-500s and Yak-1000s trying to destroy the Edlon Banners)
(A Banner explodes. Scene switches to the planet, where Starnes and Annie have landed, people are flocking around their planes)
Dr. Aquarii: At last! Salvation is here!
(Everyone crams into the two ships, except Starnes, who willingly gives his seat up to a young boy)
(The ships leave the planet. Starnes runs around, picking up all the porn he can find. Scene switches to the battle, which has gotten dangerously close to the Uncyclopedia)
Adam: Activate the flak cannons!
(Several guns activate and start shooting at the Banners. Several explode, but not before they launch missiles)
(The Uncyclopedia warps away, with those rescued from the planet onboard)
(Credits roll, but in the background, Dr. Aquarii can be noticed observing a person who looks just like Keira)