User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/122
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edit Episode 122: Cheney, The Bounty Hunter
(Episode starts with Han coming out of his grave. Nobody is around. The group already departed.)
Han: Well..that sucked. Wait...where's the group. I've got to find them! Wait...is that a O'Donalds? Mmm. I'll stop by there first and bet me an Egg O'Muffin. (Stops by, eats, then runs down a street)
(Switch scenes to the group, who is walking down a Corellian street)
Adam: Poor Han....
(A group of GIGN Officers get in the area)
GIGN Officer: For terrorism and starting WWIII, you shall all die.
Everyone else: WE ARE NOT TERRORISTS!!!
GIGN Officer: Then explain why you were riding the missile that blew up the Pentagon? And why you crashed a plane into the president!?!
Adam: For the former, we can't pilot a missile, and for the latter, we can't pilot a plane.
GIGN Officer: Then how do you explain everything else you have destroyed, like that base I just saw you obviously destroy!?!
(In the background, a woman with a sniper rifle is shooting lawyers.)
(Han catches up to the group)
Rene: By the order of the French Monarchy, I annex you GIGN officers to FRANCE!!!
GIGN Officer: We were already French. And you have not answered my question.
Adam: Er, the base was evil.
GIGN Officer: That is what they all say.
(Llegobi Wan Kellegobi appears)
Llegobi: Hi Han, is this a good time?
(The woman in the background sees Llegobi)
Woman: My name is Julie Forrest. You destroyed my book. Prepare to die.
(Julie shoots Llegobi. The shot is ineffective, because Llegobi is a force ghost)
Ljlegobi: Hey, wait a second, THERE SHE IS!
(Ljlegobi hovers up to Julie)
Julie: I SAID PREPARE TO DIE, DAMMIT!!!
Ljlegobi: I did NOTHING of the sort! I was just told to put it in a paper shredder by a woman who likes pink.
Julie: You, you...14-year-old!!! <aims at Cerid> My name is Julie Forrest. You destroyed my book. Prepare to die.
Cerid: Oh great, you.
Julie: YOU ARE A PRUDE AND A BITCH, CERID!!!
(Another force ghost of a Women appears. She has a slight scottish accent.)
Woman: Ljlegobi, get your ass back to the void. I didn't sit and slave over the stove to make you a cold batch bangers and mash! Stop stalking that girl and get back over here!
Ljlegobi: But honey-
Woman: Don't fucking but honey me, honey! Get back here or I'll hit ye over the head with this pan so hard that force will be coming out of your ass!
(Ljlegobi disappears as well as the Woman. Julie attempts to shoot Cerid, but misses, hitting a GIGN officer in the head)
GIGN Officer: TERRORI- Hey, isn't she the one that shot anybody that tried to sue her?
(Julie shoots another GIGN officer)
Julie: My name is Julie. I am not a terrorist. Prepare to die.
GIGN Officer: Then explain why you are shooting us.
Cerid: Just arrest her...
(The GIGN Officers disarm and arrest Julie. Meanwhile, in a house several miles away, a phone call is answered.)
Bush: You need to get them.
Cheney: Who's them.
Bush: I'm sure you're very familiar.
Cheney: I'm on it! Rumsfeld! We've got another job.
(Cheney suits up like Dog the bounty hunter. Rumsfeld follows suit.)
Cheney: We're going to nail these guys.
Rumsfeld: Damn straight.
(They get into a van)
Cheney: I'm hungry.
Rumsfeld: Okay, we'll stop by the O'Donalds for something to eat.
(Meanwhile, at the O'Donalds...)
Han: So then Aquarii yells BOMB! and then the oven explodes!
GIGN Officer: You guys are all right. (Drinks coke)
(Cheney busts through the door.)
Cheney: Stay still, nobody move!
(Aquarii stops eating a cookie)
Aquarii: I'll never finish this cookie.
(Julie comes running in, having escaped and regained her sniper rifle)
Cheney: Hey, that annoying girl again! I helped destroy her book.
Julie: My name is Julie Forrest. You destroyed my book. Prepare to die.
Starnes: You will never regain the porn, Cheney!
Robert: You mean you were travelling with us all this time, Starnes?
Starnes: I, er, uh...
Robert: GIVE BACK THE DARN PORN, STARNES!!!
Starnes: Here. (gives Robert a picture Starnes' brother drew when he was young)
Robert: YAY...hey, this is not porn!!!
(Starnes runs, Cheney and Robert chase after him.)
Cheney: Rumsfeld! We've got a runner!
(Rumsfeld pulls the van up beside Cheney and Gates, who enter.)
Cheney: Low speed persuit! Low speed persuit!
(Cheney takes out his shotgun from under the seat, opens up a window, and starts firing, only to hit the vehicles tire. A Police Car is idling on the curb)
Police Officer: What the-
(He acclerates into a bush.)
Police Officer: Crap.
Starnes: Avoid THIS!!! (pulls pin of smoke grenade, throws it at the van)
(Smoke blocks Robert, Cheney, and Rumsfeld's vision. Rumsfeld crashes into the police car, killing the police officer and destroying the van. When the smoke clears, Starnes is in a car with a jet engine)
Robert: You allow cars with jet engines?
Cheney: HEY, YOU STOLE THE PROTOTYPE COMBAT MILITARY SUPERCAR!!!
(Starnes turns to Cheney, and shoots a machine gun on the car. Cheney is shot, and badly injured. Meanwhile, inside the O'Donalds, Julie is aiming her sniper rifle at Cerid. She misfires, seemingly killing Han.)
Julie: DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!
(Han then stands up.)
Han: What the heck just happened?
C: You are a commie.
Han: C, I don't have amnesia.
C: DAMN IT!!!
Julie: Hello? Anyone see the person who just accidentally shot Han?
GIGN Officer: Yes. You are under- (shot by Julie)
Adam: Han, your Grue Army soldiers are dying to anti-terrorist Americans.
Han: Grue Army? What Grue Army?
C: You have amnesia, alright. You lead a Commie Grue Army.
(Han punches C)
Adam: Even with amnesia, some things never change.
Han: Must not go insane, must not go crazy... (squeezes stress ball)
(Rumsfeld, slightly injured, walks in with a Walther PPK)
Rumsfeld: I WILL SEEK VENGANCE AS I DID IN 2003!
(Rumsfeld fires a bullet from his gun aimed at Starnes. Slow motion ensues. Before the bullet reaches Starnes, Froggy lunges, and the bullet loges in the left lobe of his brain. Starnes then jets out in his military jet engine car with guns.)
Adam: Lets see, Han does not know about the Grue Army, Indy is a traitor and dead, Froggy is dying, and I LEAD THE GRUE ARMY!!! WOOHOO!!!
(Froggy is taken by hospital staff to the Worst Ever Hospital)
Keira: Froggy will probably die.
Adam: Froggy is going to the hospital.
Keira: That hospital has really bad service.
(Meanwhile, flash to Starnes' super-car. Scene change to the Worst Ever Hospital. The doctors are operating on Froggy)
Doctor #1: Ooh, that frog looks tasty! (licks Froggy, dies from poison)
Doctor #2: We just got Trousers out of here, and already new idiots are here!
Doctor #3: I bet you $500 I can survive jumping out the top floor!!! (jumps out top floor, dies)
(Alka'anad walks in)
Alka'anad: Man, I need medical help. Those guys who broke my first leg broke my second.
Doctor #4: Sorry, we have a more important operation. This frog lost the left lobe of his brain.
Alka'anad: I guess I can donate the left lobe of my brain.
Doctor #5: Okay! Start the operation! (runs, trips, dies)
(Dr. Moneysign comes in)
Dr. Moneysign: Money money money!!! Give me money!!
(A nurse gives Dr. Moneysign a dollar)
Doctor #6: Lets operate!!!
(Operation starts. Half of Alka'anad's brain is put in Froggy's head. Lightning strike. Froggy stands)
Doctor #6: It lives! It lives!!! Mwa ha ha!!!
Doctor #4: Shut up.
Froggy: Ribbit shall take the ribbit!!! Mwa ha ribbit!
(Spooky lightning strike. Credits roll)