User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/112
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Episode 112: Dramatica goes Shocking
(Episode starts in a dungeon in Encyclopædia Dramatica. The group members are each locked individually in different cells. Froggy's cell has bars closer together.)
Argon: Ha ha! The bars are made of pure shock images!!! Ha ha ha!!!
(An EDian guard throws Robert Gates into a cell)
Robert: Ooh, shock porn!
Trousers: EEW! Icky porn! Icky spiders! Ooh, spider string!
Nikita: What is going on here?
Argon: Not that long ago, that Captain Froggy called me a useless gobshite. It caught on. So I left the Grue Army, and then immediately General Han and Captain Adam call me that too! You foul Grue Army members! You can die in a fire, for all I care!
Shandion and Dizberg: Since when could frogs talk!?!
Froggy: I do not appreciate of all this warring, though yes, I did say he was a useless gobshite. Now if you'd excuse me, I'm changing my name Stratospherus so that I may not be associated with anybody who also might be a frog. I've gotten many hateful letters from the Amphibian Lobby saying I was too stereotypical. The Cloud Lobby, on the other hand, doesn't give a fuck.
(Froggy closes his eyes, snaps his fingers, and turns into a man made out of white puffs. He carries in his hand a sword of thunder)
Stratospherus: Cumulonimbus Argonimus, Gobshittus!
(Stratospherus flys to Africa for a few episodes to water some cacti until the war is over)
C: Well, I'd like to stick around, but I've got better things to do.
(C trys to use his powers, but can't)
Argon: You can't use your powers in these cells.
(Monkey's paw appears, Argon wishes Froggy was back to normal and recaptured, that happens. Trousers plays with a spider-web string)
Trousers: Ooh, a useless gobshite called Argon!
Adam: Because I am a captain, do I get a ship?
Han: No. Stop with the ships.
Indy: QUOTICIDE!!! <removes a shock quote from cell, still trapped>
(In exchange as punishment for dabbling with fate via a Monkey's paw, the cells they are trapped in are turned into normal cells)
Argon: You still can't get out!
(One of the bars falls off of an empty cell)
Argon: You still can't!
Han: Well, he is right.
C: I can still get out.
Nikita: No you can't. You're a hack. We kick you in the shin and you fall on the ground crying like a wussy.
C: Watch me!
(C kicks the bar and hurts his foot.)
Nikita: I rest my case.
(An EDian transports the group to super-shock cells, and locks them up each in different cells. Adam points a flaregun between the bars)
Adam: Steady... steady...
Braycat: We must not fight yet. We need a plan. That, and we must not touch the cell bars, or we are completely shocked and fall into the fetal position.
(The flaregun and all other weapons are confiscated by EDians. Robert touches a bar, and sees shock porn in his mind. He becomes really happy)
Robert: SHOCK PORN BARS!!!
(Shandion's dog Garm V barks. A guard comes in. Garm bites the guard, killing him. Garm grabs a key. Garm then eats it.)
Nikita: That's it! We get Garm to grab the key!
(Garm V dies of indigestion and lead poisoning)
Nikita: ...or not.
Shandion: Oh my god, you killed Garm! You bastard!
Nikita: Shandion, the guard is dead. He can't hear you.
Han: These bars... they seem to be malleable...
Cerid: But they can't be touched!
Han: Oh, I know a way to disab-
Argon: Oh really? Take the group into the torture chamber!
Nikita: Another one?
EDian: Sir, that's illegal.
EDian: Oh wait, this is ED. Who cares about legal issues!?!
Han: Oh wait, these bars can't be disabled except by EDians directly.
Keira: I think I know...
(Keira picks the lock with a small stick. the Stick breaks.)
(The cages are lifted from cranes on the ceiling. The group is taken to a room with a greenish glow.)
Argon: I've got a better idea. Why don't we send them to the conditioning chamber.
C: Is that another name for a brainwashing chamber?
(The cages are then sent out of the room, and are sent into a room with an evil red tinge)
Everyone except the EDians and Argon: Aw shit. WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!
Argon: No, just become EDian soldiers.
Benson: THAT IS EVIL, AS EVIL AS TORTILLA!!!
Dizberg: OUROBOROS! SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE!
Everyone else: *AHEM*
Dizberg: And save everyone else.
C: COMMUNISTS WILL NEVER GIVE UP!!!
Adam: Hey look, an Ouroboros Donuts stand in this cage!!!
(Adam and Dizberg eat donuts)
Priest: God, I pray to you that you will save us.
(A giant circular serpent circles the cages, and eats itself)
Adam: So much for Ouroboros. NOW LET'S EAT DONUTS!
EDian: SILENCE! You will all become EDians after I find out how to work it... the instruction manual just says "lulz" over and over again.
Argon: I know how to operate the damn thing! Okay, Robert, you're first because you're easy.
(Robert is let out and injected with a drug. He is forced to sit and is given multiple restraints including around his eyeballs and forced to watch a series of disturbing shock porn images)
Robert: Booo! This movie is for wussies!
EDian: Should we try "the big guns?"
Argon: As in...
Both: ATTACK ARTICLE!
Robert: Boo...Lulz Lulz Lulz Lulz Lulz ED ROCKS Lulz Starnes is an anti-ED guy who should give me back my damn porn lulz lulz!
(Robert is unstrapped and is sent to build ED more.)
Argon: Next, it is Garm VI.
(Garm is strapped in and the drug is injected, Garm dies from the drug)
Shandion: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED GARM!! YOU BASTARDS!!
Argon: Excellent. Trousers is next...
Trousers: Do I get a string afterward?
Argon: You can have all the strings you want.
(The EDian does the same thing he did to Robert)
Trousers: Pretty pictures!
(The stitching from Trousers head begins to break, and two guards are sucked into his head, transported and doomed into a dimension of stupidity.)
(Switch scenes. The two EDians arrive in their new home.)
EDian 1: Where the hell are we?
EDian 2: I dunno...it doesn't look like we're in ED anymore...
EDian 1: It's all blank...and stuff...
EDian 2: What's this?
(The EDian picks up a string. All of a sudden a gigantic snake pops out of nowhere.)
Snake: NO TOUCH STRING.
EDian 1: Nice going dipshit.
(Snake is biting its own tail)
Ouroboros: ED SUCKS.
(Ouroboros smites both of the two EDians. Back with Trousers, his head has been stitched up. He is simply too dense to be anything more than Trousers, and so he is thrown down the garbage chute)
Han: <whispering> Hey look, a reverse effect lever on the brainwashing machine.
EDian: The kid is next.
(Kim is strapped up and drugged.)
Aquarii and Keira: NOOOOOOOO!!!
Borgat: Bad EDians! You hurt my friend Doctor of Trousers!!!
EDian: After the kid comes the Borg guy.
(Kim is brainwashed.)
Kim: Lulz aspie real time lulz.
(Keira and Aquarii start crying)
Han: That was my breaking point man...
(Han throws a makeshift javelin at Argon)
Argon: I knew we shouldn't have left scrap metal in there...
(Argon catches the javelin)
Argon: That was MY breaking point...
(Borgat is turned into an EDian although because of his borg adaptation abilities the change is on a Jekyll/Hyde basis, with the time for his EDian transformation getting shorter each time he is forced to become one. Han is then strapped in, and slowly and painfully brainwashed with the worst pics and worst articles)
Borgat: Men having sexytime with strings? Very nice! High five!
Borgat: Okay no high five. High TEN!
Argon: Almost there...
(Argon then brainwashes every member of the group but Dizberg and Priest. Only they can save the world now)
Dizberg: Oh no.
Priest: God, please give us support!
(A little toy car appears, with a note saying "From God")
Dizberg and Priest: We are screwed.
(Meanwhile several feet below the base, Trousers, having gotten out of the garbage, is currently on a conveyor belt filled with large amounts of actual prose. Wires are hanging from the ceiling, and Trousers is making the attempt to pull out every single one of them.)
Trousers: (singing) Strings, wonderful strings!
(Trousers pulls out the wire sending power to the base's upper levels, at the same time he is shocked with thousands of amps of electricity. Something happens inside his head.)
Trousers: Of course, it all makes perfect mathematecal sense now!
(Trousers constructs a prose cannon with secondary silly string fire and a lulz-containment suit. He also gets his hands on Ritalin, the only known cure to reverse the effects of the Brainwashing)
Trousers: I must save the others!
Argon: NOT SO FAST!!!!!! YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL AGAINST YOU!!!!!!
Trousers: Suck prose!
(Trousers shoots his prose cannon at Argon, the prose slowly dissolves his arm)
Argon: Ahhh! Actual content! IT BURNS, AND NOT IN THE COOL PYROTECHNIC WAY! ANYWAYS IT BURNS! FRICKEN BURNS!
(EDians can be seen trying to load their Sexual Action Weapons(SAW) as Trousers attempts to tie down the others with silly string. Credits roll as Ritalin is being shoved down Borgat's throat)
Trousers: Work, DAMN YOU!
- Will Trousers be able to fend off ED?
- Will the Ritalin cure work?
- Will the group be saved?
- Are the Priest and Dizberg ED Zombies?
- Will an ED administrator help our heroes?
- Will Connery come on set again?
Find out on the next episode of...
THE YOUNG AND THE UNCYCLOPEDIANS