User:Uncle J/Final Fantasy Hockey
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Looks like Edgar Hasek robbed Zemus with that save”
“Thats not the only thing he robbed him of, he's using that chainsaw to rob Zemus of his life”
“Kids, chopping up your opponents with a chainsaw might seem a bit extreme but you have to do whatever you can to stop the opposing player from getting in the slot and taking a shot”
~ Don Cherry on Defence and Goaltending
“Et tu Tonberry, then fall Tellah”
~ Tellah on Tonberry's knife
“ohhhhhhh, that feels good”
~ Terra on Ultros' tentacles
FFHL: 2006 or Final Fantasy Hockey League: NHL 2006 is an RPG/Sports game that features players from all of the Final Fantasy games. Prominent teams include the Baron Red Wings, the Figaro Kings, and the Vector Flames. Famous players include Cecil Yzerman, Locke Lemieux, and Tidus Heatley. Every January teams gather at the Luca Stadium in Spira for the FFHL all star game, it involves Villians versus Heroes, and it is often extremely violent with players being killed every year. Players killed for the hero side include Tellah, Aeris, and General Leo. Prominent villians killed include Sephiroth and Kefka but they have an annoying habit of resurrecting themselves.
Contents |
[edit] Gameplay
Final Fantasy Hockey as 30 teams which play in 5 divisions. Each division contains players from a single game. All players from FFIV would be in one division, those from FFVI in another, and so on. Only Final Fantasy 4, 6, 7, 8, and 10 are included because the author doesn't like the other Final Fantasy games (and he hasn't played 12 yet). Each game is its own division. Once a year teams meet in Luca, Spira for the annual all-star game. The all star game pits heroes versus villians and is especially violent. The all star game has seen the death of many players from both teams including Aeris, General Leo, and Tellah for the heroes and Emperor Geshtal and Seymour Guado for the villians. There are six players on the ice for each team at once, a goalie, two defencemen, and three forwards. Players can take wrist shots, slap shots, make passes, do dekes, check other players, as well as do their own special move, although all players don't have this ability. Fighting is also a huge part of the game and players can drop the gloves whenever they want.
[edit] Star Players
[edit] Heroes
- Umaro Chara - Defence
- Cecil Yzerman - Center
- Laguna Lemieux - Center
- Tidus Heatley - Right Wing
- Kain Jagr - Right Wing
- Wakka Domi - Left wing
- Edgar Hasek - Goal
- Keepa - Goal
- Barrett Brashear - Defence
- Vincent "Valentine" Damphousse - Right Wing
- "Cid"ney "Highwind" Crosby - Center
[edit] Villians
- Seymour Guado - Left Wing
- Sephiroth Bertuzzi - Right Wing
- Mr. Chupon - Defence
- Reno - Center
- Rubicant - Defence
- Kefka - Center
- Zemus - Goal
[edit] Teams
[edit] From FFIV
- Baron Red-Wings
- Mysidia Wizards
[edit] From FFVI
- Vector Capitals
- Figaro Kings
[edit] From FFVII
- Midgar Avalanche
- Nibelheim Flames
[edit] From FFVIII
- Balamb Bruins
- Deling City Devils
[edit] From FFX
- Thunder Plains Lightning
- Besaid Islanders
[edit] Fighting
No hockey game is complete without the option to have bench clearing, stick swinging brawls. Fights in Final Fantasy hockey occur in turn based battles and players have a wide variety of weapons including hockey sticks, swords, axes, bows and arrows, and spears. Players also have the option to cast a wide variety of spells. Enemies include opposing players, coaches, and sometimes even fans. Fans will usually only attack in hostile cities such as Vector and Baron.
[edit] Special Moves
- Jecht Shot- A special shot done by Tidus Heatley which involves doing a backflip and taking a wrist shot at the same time
- Shot of Judgement - A power shot done by Kefka which is so powerful it fries any player it hits, goalies are terrified of it.
- Spear Shot- A move which involves ramming the goalie while carrying the puck, done by Umara Chara and Sabin.
- Bumrush - A special move done by Sabin which involves sodomizing opposing players (or teammates if they are into that sort of thing) with a hockey stick.
- Tentacle - A move done by Ultros to "distract" female players on the opposing team.
[edit] Bonus Features
After beating the game, the secret Ultros hentai hockey mode is unlocked which includes steamy scenes between Ultros the octopus and the Final Fantasy girls. Other scenes which can be unlocked include scenes between Terra and Celes, Rosa and Rydia, Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie, Rinoa, Quistis, and Selphie, and one between Yuna, Rikku, and Lulu. The bonus sex scenes have helped to draw horney teenage boys and other perverts into the game as well as hockey fans and Final Fantasy nerds. Although the game is hugely popular, it is very controversial and some parents are trying to have it banned. These X-rated scenes as well as the brutal violence in the game have prompted SquarEA Sports to place an AO rating on the game; something that has never been done before.
