User:UnMcCandlish/Swimming pool

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“Our six meter by thirty meter pool is wonder in all of Kazakhstan
~ Borat Sagdiyev on swimming pools
“The women all want to dance. I dance all night every night.”
~ Minnesota Fats on his stick-and-balls action [source]

A swimming pool (a.k.a. cément pond in the Los Angeles area) is a semi-artificial suburban structure which is chock full of highly toxic water, little kid pee and screaming children. It is covered with (usually green) cloth made of worsted wool, and usually has six pockets.

Diver - AB
Diving into a cement pond or unpool.

Shape and Other Dimensions

Swimming pools come in all known shapes of the geometric spectrum, from the boring rectangle of classical Euclidean architecture, to the exciting semi-irregular truncated heptadecagon, also of classical Euclidean architecture.

Iowa celebrates Summer with world's largest pool. The rest of the world knows better than to capitalize "summer" (Exclusive Report!}.

Pool Water

Since untreated tap water is an ideal breeding ground for many disgusting diseases's. It is highly recommended that the water in your new swimming pool be fluoridated with copious quantities of chlorine (a poisonous chartreuse-colored gas), urine (though few people need to be told) and a few drops of vanilla extract before making any foolish attempt to either drink or take it out for dinner. Nothing, however, kills the AIDS that is present in all pools, everywhere.

Poolshark
Pools have virtually NO KNOWN dangers.

Circulation

Hydrological scientists have recently discovered that swimming pools actually possess a rudimentary circulatory system. The entire volume of water in a typical swimming pool is continuously forced by powerful jet engines through a complex sequence of osmotic filters and CIA agents, which screen out most dangerous contaminants like hairs, leaves, lint, beach balls, poop, foreign children, dragons, and dead cats. In swimming pools no deeper then one metre the water will have a slight yellow tint, this is because small children feel the need to constantly urinate to see who has stored the most urea, they do this to impress the people that live up on the ladder with a whistle and plaster across their nose.

Every swimming pool hath haveth das signs related unto 1 milk chocolate coloured man and to such milk chocolate men i believe that if these signs were made more apparent by the government there would be less racial biggatory and the water would be cleaner.

Additional Equipment

Most modern swimming pools also come equipped with a diving board, a Playboy centerfold model, and a squadron of robotic life guards. Though somewhat expensive, a diving helmet may prevent the slow burning away of facial skin due to chlorine. Also, most pools come with dancing black men in suits. Other essential equipment includes a cue stick, a cue ball and other pool balls (nine for the game of nine-ball, and fifteen, equally obviously, for the game of eight-ball.)

  • Also, in case of alien attack always throw the chair into the water. This will prevent many hardships.

See also

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