User:Ubergrue

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The factual accuracy of this article is disputed.

Facts are the red dancing points you see when smoking too much grass. Please see the relevant discussion on the talk page.

Warning to Will & Grace watching Americans:

If you’re thirsty for Humor then this page is a mirage. Only dry Humour is allowed here. (no fart jokes allowed)

This article is FAB-U-LOUS!

Reading this article will give you a good fashion sense! Please nominate this article immediately!

This article is likely to be eaten by a grue. I suggest you run like hell or use extreme sarcasm before it eats you too.

This user hates religion and is a sinner through and through!

This user denies any involvement with the cabal. There is no cabal.

This user fights against the squirrels and sporks conspiring to enslave the human species.

This User knows the truth about hummingbirds and will not rest until the lies have been dispelled.

This user is a member of DiZ's inner circle. Fear them.

This user is a Pudgist. ....And worships weaselpudge, the most holy substance in the Universe. He/She shall be spared from the Apocalypse.

This user is a sinner, and bows before Satan.

Jesus loves this user, and has blessed this page.

This user is convinced that any Pegasus is far superior to a Unicorn.

This user worships Ouroboros and joyously celebrates His return.

The stripper factory be waiting.

This user is better than BENSON, and is an Anti-BENSON-ite! Muahahaha!

This user likes welcoming new users to the wiki.

This user, Ubergrue, is a genuine Puppet Master. This person has done (assumedly) bad things to Uncyclopedia under 3 - 3000 pseudonyms, as referenced here.

This article may contain one or more inaccuracies or does not cite all of its sources.[citation needed] The author(s) must promptly be executed.[this is a lie] Uncyclopedia contains no inaccuracies.[this is a lie] This template may also be inaccurate.[this is a lie]

This article is really incofuckingherent and is a disgrace to the Internet. We suggest that you vote it the Featured Article VFD immediately.

	Ŧĥīš ǻŕţǐċĺə įŝ ţǿŧāľŀŷ ìñçôмþŕéħėʼnşıßľě.
	Ÿǿü čǽñ ħëłþ Ǜʼnçýċļöþęđĩä ßŷ ểǻŧıʼnġ ä çåŗǐβöǚ.

This article is insane. The article submitter may need psychotherapy, and as such, this article should be taken as gospel. You can help Uncyclopedia by restraining the article in a rubber room..

If you are offended by this article, consider reading this instead!

"Beware of Flesh Eating Bovines" Devour their flesh, before they devour yours!

Correction: you had two cows.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ubergrue.

“I have nothing to declare but my two cows.”

~ Oscar Wilde on you have two cows

“I have what???”

~ Captain Oblivious on you have two cows

“And proud of it!”

~ Struggling dairy farmer on you have two cows

You have two cows is the philosophical truth of the entire world.^[1] All categories except Category Nine (How mooriginal) may contain contributions from the Internet as well as Uncyclopedia contributors. Mathematical proof that you have two cows lies in moometric identity:

This mathematical proof can also be written with the second moometric identity:

Where Moo is the universal moometric constant.

A long-standing tradition of mathematics has been the discovery of new truths pertaining to two-cow ownership. Currently, 45,893 two-cow truths are known. The complete list are given in the pages following. Nostradamus demonstrated in 1555 that the total number of two-cow truths is infinite.

A related but much more difficult problem is the identification of philosophical truths involving the ownership of three cows. An infinite number of these is also expected to exist, although this is unproven. To date, very few three-cow truths are known to exist, all of which have yet to be proven. In coming years this problem is expected to become much more important, as Microsoft has announced that the next version of Windows will require users to have three cows, or, alternatively, two overmilked ones. Linux however only needs a pint of milk, but you need to deliver the milk through the command prompt with the use of four pipes, an awk and a sed.

1. ↑ Except Soviet Russia. In Soviet Russia, two cows have YOU!!

[edit] Related Articles

• Cow
• Cowation
• Cow arson
• Cowbell

[edit] External links

What will happen to your two cows

   

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The Jee Man Himself has Shown, in His infinite Wisdom, that He is the Ultimate Purveyor of all things Awesome, Nifty, Spiffy, and generally Interesting. He has personally Reviewed this article and Given His Blessing. The submitter may be Forgiven three venial sins or one mortal sin.

Attempt to explain joke This article attempts to explain a joke in minute detail, as if to an idiot, a very small child, or a very small child who is also an idiot. It also attempts to explain its own explanation, which, if successful, could result in crashing the universe. Please do not crash the universe.

This is an article on an MMORPG. It is advised that you flee instantly before your Cat is set on fire or huffed, or both. Whatever you do, Do not click any links, or your Toenail is torn off, attatched to a voodoo doll, and eaten by Oscar Wilde.

This user is a member of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy. "We're after your children and pets."

This user hates telephones. Could be due to the fact that the U.S. government is monitoring them.

This user enjoys staring at spinning objects, and may be afflicted with Attention Deficit look at the birdie!.

This user is a Mad Scientist.

This user is not and has never been Napoleon.

Just because I think everyone is trying to kill me doesn't mean they aren't. You know what I mean?

This user is a pyromaniac.

This user is a complete, irredeemable brickbat. He/she/it is Bat Fuck Insane, and agrees at the brickbat.

This user will give you a seizure.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This user is EXTREMELY RANDOM Be advised: Approach with caution and a sense of humor.

This page is approved by the Marty Man himself

The hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy classified this page as mostly harmless

Anything you may experience while reading it is entirely your fault...guv.

A wise man once said: "Give me a quote and I'll give you an uncyclopedia article"

This article has many insightful or otherwise very deeply meaningful quotes by men that don't usually say smart or deep things. It is recommended that the quotes be copyrighted or Confucius may steal them for his nefarious purposes. "May the force be with you".

This article is BS. Quit fucking around and please add some actual "content" to it.

This page has no adult content.

Would you add some?

The information contained in this article can cause emotional damage to women, children, ocelots, and metrosexuals.

If you are one of them, please see this article's page just for you.

This article may not be suitable for all audiences. This article contains content not suitable for people with the brain of a person under 14 inches (35.5cm) tall or TransVestites.

WARNING In accordance with the OMG U SRS???// act of 2002, all content of this article is to be believed, with no disputes whatsoever. (Hey, you voted for Bush)

DANGER Blanking or vandalising this page can be deadly ... or worse. 666 users are currently castrated, paralyzed, and disfigured for daring to edit this page. If you just got here and are mortally offended by these blatant lies, please read About Uncyclopedia and the Beginner's Guide, then go fuck yourself. Seriously, that's a much safer alternative than anything else you have in mind.

This user is cooler than you.

This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*

This user is happy to help n00bs. Leave a message here.

This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*

This user hates you and everyone you care about.

This user should not be trusted.

This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there. Also, general lack of your-mom jokes rampant

This user's melon is being twisted, man.

This user believes that admins are control freaks.

This user's sex appeal is such that people around the world compulsively shout his/her name during intercourse.

This user is addicted to video games.

This user is an adventurer.

This User can Drift and beat D.K.

"This article has too many pastel-shaded boxes" It may be hazardous to your health, if you are a jock.

This article is a filthy Image whore. This article has been with way too many images. This article would be right at home on the streets of Bangkok sucking someone off for $3. Hell, you may even get lucky with this article.

The writer of this article is a pinko/lefty and has an outrageous liberal UK-centric outlook.

They may even work in Local government or, worse, be an unelected eurocrat. For information on the best way to save our great nation from scum like this read the Daily Mail. (Pstt. He's probably also a commie as well; quick - tell HUAC!)

This article may contain a point of view.

As you read this message, Uncyclopedia editors are hard at work at tracking down the point of view to its hiding place in the mountains of Afghanistan. Please see the irrelevant discussion on the talk page.

Due to Quantum Physics, some people may not be able to see this article.This article is so awesome that few people have ever seen an article as good as this. It's the whole concept of quantum physics - the Native Americans couldn't see Columbus' ships because they could never imagined anything like that. The same thing applies here - you could have never imagined an article as good as this, so you can't see it. It's probably because you are an immature, unfunny, asshole. I suggest you close out of this article right now, contemplate the meaning of life, and then either (a) commit suicide, or (b) find Jesus. Good Luck.

THÏS ÄRTÏCLË RÄẄKS Höẅëvër, ït nëëds mörë ümläüts.

	.: WARNING :.
		WARNING!              "Ubergrue" is considered to be a sacred word by the followers of the Leet faith. In order to prevent random numbers being placed all over the place, please do not speak it in front of them.

They've found us! Quick, run! Burn the evidence!

This page has too few signatures. Please add more. UncyclopediA.

The neutrality and factual accuracy of this article are disputed. This article is a freak of nature. Please point and laugh at it on its talk page.

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Please remove some

The factual accuracy of this article is disputed, or so they claim.

Do you really believe this nutjob? Discuss it on the talk page.

The factual accuracy of this article is absolutely indisputable.

Who are you going to trust: this uncyclopedia article, or your lying eyes?

This Article has won the Urkel Heart! The page is very smart, annoying, and wears suspenders. Congratulations to the Article Submitter.

This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.

This user is a Ninja, with dominion over everything totally sweet.

You're so vain, you probably think this template's about you:
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This is a vanity page. This page is a shameless example of egotism and is completely worthless. The author is pretty darn hot, though. You have to admit that.

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WARNING! Consuming this page may be dangerous to your health and may cause cancer.

THIS USER'S HEAD A SPLODE.

.EDOLPS A DAEH S'RESU SIHT

This person helps reduce overpopulation by killing people, helping the environment.

This user reserves the right to hunt down and destroy Essex girls.

This user is a Mercenary and chooses their own wars to fight in.

This user enjoys indiscriminate pillaging.

This user is a Viking and enjoys killing, looting and pillaging.

This user has eye beams.

This user believes Barney is evil and therefore must die.

This user is a veteran/combatant of the war.

This user supports the genocide of crappy articles.

This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!

This user is an Assault Soldier and is pWn1ng n00bs with his quarter gun.

For those who are easily amused, Uncyclopedia has a totally unrelated article about: Fuck the world

my mood ring

tense nervous harassed overworked

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This user edits Grueslayer.

    Domain ID:Vandalize-this
    Domain Name:http://www.wikipedia.org
    DNS info:"The free encyclopedia that anyone can edit" is a satirical parody of uncyclopedia. Since it says this in the 
            WHOIS query this means that this 100% true, even though wikipedia says it isn't.
    Registrant:Created by Jimbo Wales on 13-Jan-2001 00:12:14 UTC as a way promoting his original research on the  
               internet proxyed as an encyclopedia
    Admin Name:Jimbo Wales
    Admin Name:Angela Beesley
    Tech & DNS support:Just click the edit button on any page and add what ever you want to it.
    

TAILS

Congratulations You have won the Unsung Hero Award! Of course once you earn this award you are no longer "Unsung." Therefore the award is invalid as soon as it's awarded. So enjoy your non-award.

This user is a grue and while you were reading this, has eaten you. Start over?

Congratulations! You have reached the End of the Internet! Where would you like to go? East? West? North? South? Outside? Now, go away, because I'm afraid that this article could asplode at any second and this template is no moon. Note: This article is Bob Barker-approved. Really, it is. “I've already reached the End of the Internet! Sadly, I had only got DSL a year before I reached it.” ~ Richard M. Stallman on The End of the Internet Sign the EOTI guestbook!