User:UNmarine777/Nolands Intergalactic House of Pancakes

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
This page is a work in progress
But let's give it a chance. The author will finish it later.
Health Warning: Putting this template on a page consisting of a few lines or worse will not save you and may actually get you banned.
This page will be re-checked on 4 December 2012

“Only a fool wouldn't want to go to NIHOP.”
~ Oscar Wilde on NIHOP

edit History

Nolands International House of Pancakes is a worldwide success ever sense it opened its doors on Semptember 11th,1987.The founder was none other the Noland Emmerich a renouned dictator from the Middle East and brother of Roland Emmerich that director guy.NIHOP has satisfied many of its customers over the years from simple grandma-style pancakes to intricate jelly stuffed pancakes and the ocassional morning sandwich.As of 1992 NIHOP was forced to join the mega corporation IHOP (International house of Pain).Noland Emmerich saw his business slowley melting away ,but since Noland was a former dictator he new exaclty what to do.He simply changed its name from Nolands International House of Pancakes to Nolands Intergalactic House of Pancakes and thus the birth of the modern NIHOP was born and immediatly Noland left his boring office at IHOP and went to NOHOP group(Northern Office/Housing of Pancakes groups) and moved to shop to Detroit,Michigan.From there Nihop has meet lots of discouragement,pain,dry-bys,insultments,but mostly dry-bys.To this day Noland continues to manage and operate every single NIHOP in the world.

edit The Modern NIHOP

Today NIHOP is a common place to go from 2 AM to 10 o'Clock PM with its varying menus to choose from.Noland has kindly served up the best pancakes west of Iron Curtain for many years.His pledge is to provide fantastic food at surprisingly low prices infact his prices for a full breakfast for 4 (six dishes of deliciouses pancakes0 just cost 50 cents becuase of this Him and his employees are thousandairs.Most owners want to make more money by making there products prices higher thus bringing less customers or consumers ,but Noland after spending sleepless nights and sleepful days came up with a solution.Simply offer more food at low prices and more people Will come.he called this the " Noland Equation" spoofing the Drake Equation it works like this a small group of consumers from the ages of 5 to 27 living in a 1 mile radius is represented by this C,The low prices and the amount of food is represnted by Lf,and lastly the epicenter(E) of where the Lf is at brings more C (C+Lfx(E)5).His equatioon actually worked ,all those sleepless nights actually paid off and Noland set up shop in low populated metroplian areas and actually made more money!

edit Menu

Nolands menu is a carefully devised piece of art created by Noland during the Soviet Invasion of Afganistan in which he and a couple of militiamen where guarding a pancake factory out in Kabul until they where ambushed by Soviet forces.They survived by feeding the Soviets delicious pancakes.From there the recipe hasn't changed one bit.Still built from Rocket-Propelled Grenade battered pancake mix filled with shrapnel and human flesh.Thanks to Noland who gave us a chunk of his menu that literally spans the entire world seriously have you seen that giant sign in the sky well that's the menu.

edit 9/11

On Semptember 11th,2001 a group of Muslim Extremist declared war on the United States of America and all her Allies.How this relates to Noland being a middle eastern born citizen is a mystery ,but on this day Noland made a huge amount of cash due to his New York branch of NIHOP being completed a month earlier right next to the second tower.When the tower collasped many citizens in the affected area made shelter in NIHOP because of it being reinforced by titanium walls,Rocket Launcher proof windows,and steel doors (kinda of weird why he built it that way right next to the towers) it was able to stand the 5,000 tons of debris and Human bodies that piled on it.Well stuck in there many citizens made use of the spare change in there pockets.After trying to break the windows with there pennies and quarters.The exhausted citizens decided to checkout the menu and order some lunch till they get help.After 5 hours of Burgers and pancakes most of them laid in there seats ordering more food even after help arrived to rescue them.

edit Nolands plans for world domination

There is no plans.Yet!

Personal tools