User:UNmarine777/HowTo:Make it in New Jersey
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One day you just decided to move to New Jersey for some reason,but sadly you don't know nothing about New Jersey.Of course you seen the show Jersey Shore a million times but thats just a kiddie cup compared to the Ocean.But luckily for you I created an article especially for you.
edit New Jersey
New Jersey the state of partying,Unlike its freeloading Neighbour you can do what ever the hell you want to as long as you have a camera crew following you,if you don't tough luck.Unlike its freeloading Nieghbour you can do lots of stuff like get drunk half of the week,yell at your wife/girlfriend,hit people for no damn reason and say its a Jersey thing,and have sexually-confused preteens try to look/act like you.So you still not sure about New Jersey while there is always Florida where you can get your ass riped off by an alligator,In New Jersey your ass won't get ripped off because there is no alligators in New Jersey,Einstine.So now you want to go to New Jersey I bet.
So you decided to go to New Jersey,I seriously I do not understand the genetic make-up of the New Jersey People but you will never look like them with becuase your white as a sheep,you wear glasses,tucked in shirt,no muscle,and a stripped shirt you say that your mother got you those clothes obviously your mother has not atse in style all you need is to be black and you will look like Steve Urkel.Never mind that lets fix you up!.First lose the glasses and but on these shades they will make you look badass.next go down to the home depot an buy some orange paint and paint your whole body and I mean your whole body,No, not in front of me behind that bush.Then wear a white shirt and hell no,dont tuck in your shirt,and lastly go do 10,000 push-ups while I play Halo.(A week later).So I see you now look like steroid user,good you at least look like them.I am still wondering why you still want to go to this place?
I fixed just about everything that separates you from the normal american look heck Now your even a Dick.Just one thing stop playing fucking World of Warcraft and go outside.So you see that girl right there no not the one with a Penis Thats a guy.The one with the big boobs,thats a fat guy stupid,what now your telling me that you don't no what a girl is .Anyways this is of topic and go ask her out.Good You Got a date with her now here is a Condom,300 bucks,and a camera crew now go get them champ!Just remember to talk with your Penis and not your vocal chords.So How was the date,Good.She invited you to a club,what!We need to prepare you first you need a condom 2 I mean,some bubble-gum,and some dance moves ,show me what you got...No not the robot try shaking your whole body at the same time..Good now you are ready!
So How was the party,You got in a fight,did you lose I mean win.Good now go into the bathroom with this camera and tell it what happened.then go to her house and apologize about what happened that last night.And hey maybe you might get lucky!
What you got lucky and someone got burned.How?Nevermind but now you can take her on a date to get something to eat no not at Chuck E. Cheese.An average Jersyite mixes it up my eating classy and what they call poor food to show who's dominant.look here at what an average Jerseyite diet:
- Pizza - Because its easily ready and go-able in thirty minutes or less.
- Steak - All New Jersey People eat this every night.
- Restaurant Food -Lobster,Steak,and fine wine.
- Noland's special - Nolands special seems to be the most consumed every since he moved here.(He is swedish and lives Manhattan)As it contains beef roast,corn,pork,chicken,live animals,live people,fish,lobster,whale,shark,stingray,squid,bugs,rebulicans,leafs,salads,McDonalds,African kids,pizza,and lastly salt
- Dr-Pepper - Everyone who drinks this is a douchebag,well mostly everyone except me because am I a douchebag nevermind,Reason for New Jersey being called the douchebag state.
- Crap - They can eat sh*t and die for all I care!
edit Social Life
So how was the date again,good no one get burnt alive with the exception of the old lady.Well first New Jersey is far different from anything I seen becuase they have two lifes.One regular life,One Social Life.Well you don't have two lives so lets fixed that.(dials)Hey is god there,hey god by any chance you have any lifes left over from that party?.(god)let me see....yes I have one more!.Thank God that God was staying at that hotel.So Now you have two lives lets hit the phones.(Montage with a whole bunch of screens texting and you speaking leet on Twitter while Eye Of the Tiger was playing).Now you are ready for the world.here a will drop you off to live your new life.I will never comeback because this place sucks!