User:Tynezc/Hubert J. Farnsworth

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Good news Everyone! We're all going to die.”
~ Hubert J. Farnsworth on The News
“It's time you left science to the 120-year olds.”
~ Dr. Ogden Wernstrom on Hubert J. Farnsworth
“Good news, everyone! I upgraded Bender to Windows Hitler!”
~ Hubert. X. Fartspoop
Farnsworth

Hubert J. Farnsworth, the Guinness World Record holder for most non-lethal lactose intolerance. Pictured at here age 85.

Hubert Jebediah Farnsworth is rather old, some might call him mad, and is spoon-fed by his robotic assistant Bender Bending Rodriguez, who has been living in America as an Illegal Mexican Import for the entire duration of Futurama. Although what he really is is an illegal Canadian Import. This can be seen through his preference for money (green) over anything else, and the country with the most greenness in the world is Canada. This all leads us to conclude that Farnsworth has been using the robot to relay encrypted messages to the Canadian Government, requesting orders of Beaver tails to his home.

These fattening pastries are being used by Farnsworth to create a new Stay Puft Man, since the last one (seen in Ghostbusters) has deflated. The new and improved edition will be made out of pure fat, with a tinge of sugar and spice for delicious flavour, thus making him more sold and understructable than ever. In the end, Farnsworth's plan for this new Stay Puft Man is to kill his Uncle Fry, and inherit the few cents left in his bank account. The motives behind these planned actions remain unknown, seeing as he could just use his death ray at any time he wishes, and vaporize Fry into a pile of dust, which would be used in a new perfume made by Mom known as Eau du dust de deceso Animated dudette, which would then be shipped back in time and be sold to the ever manly Chuck Norris, as well as Siegfried & Roy. Proof that this has occured is in the fact that their tiger got a hold of this perfume, took an overdose, decided that he would wear the pants in the relationship, and tried to take out both of the fairy princess duo. He failed, but this still proves without a doubt the fact that Hubert J. Farnsworth is the most diabolical criminal the future has in stock. Er, store.

He also has a rather nasty case of Maggotession (a case in which under large rolls, or in the old person's case, skin flab, where they cannot reach to clean maggots begin to breed, and eat their flesh), which has lead to him having a permanent hunger for more baby sandwiches and Bambi burgers.[1]

edit Life

Wernstrom

Dr. Ogden Wernstrom, Farnsworth's long time nemesis.

Hubert Jebediah Farnsworth was born in West Pembroke, Washington County, Maine, the son of Luella Fisher Farnsworth and Herbert Huestis Farnsworth, his parents were Canadians from Nova Scotia. Farnsworth moved to Toronto, Ontario in 1915 where he started studying towards a Bachelor of Arts degree at University College, University of Toronto. In 1918, he enlisted in the Canadian Army serving with the 2nd Canadian Tank Battalion. After the war, he completed his degree in the Physiology and Biochemistry course.[citation needed]

As a 22-year-old medical student at the University of Toronto he worked as an assistant to Dr. Frederick Banting and played a major role in the discovery of the pancreatic hormone insulin—one of the most significant advances in medicine, enabling an effective treatment for diabetes.

In 1923, the Nobel Prize committee honored Banting and J.J.R. Macleod with the Nobel Prize in Medicine for the discovery of insulin, ignoring Farnsworth. This incensed Banting, who voluntarily shared half of his award money with Farnsworth.

Farnsworth succeeded Macleod as professor of physiology at University of Toronto in 1929. During World War II he was influential in establishing a Canadian program for securing and using dried human blood serum. In his later years, Farnsworth was an adviser to the medical research committee of the United Nations World Health Organization.

Farnsworth married Margaret Hooper Mahon in Toronto in 1924. They had two sons.

edit Accomplishments

1215906606 5284

Hubert J. Farnsworth lecturing at RIT.

In 1967 he was made a Companion of the Order of Canada in recognition "for his contribution to medicine, particularly as co-discoverer of insulin".[2] He was a Commander of the Civil Division of the Order of the British Empire[citation needed] and was made a member of Order of the Companions of Honour in 1971 "for services to Medical Research".[citation needed] He was a fellow of the Royal Society of London, the Royal Society of Canada, and was the first Canadian to be elected into the Pontifical Academy of Sciences.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much]

In 1994 he was inducted into the Canadian Medical Hall of Fame. In 2004, he was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame.

Dr. Hubert Jebediah Farnsworth Secondary School in Coquitlam, British Columbia, H.J. Farnsworth West Elementary School in Burlington, Ontario, and H.J. Farnsworth East Middle School in Toronto, Ontario, are named in his honor.

Farnsworth is also the usually recognized for inventing the smell-o-vision. He claims that the idea came to him when he was staring a blank wall for several hours. The first SV set was built out of a cardboard box, a ham radio, and the bones of an orphan. It was presented to the International Mad Scientist Convention in 1949, where Farnsworth won 2nd Prize. After winning the competition, Farnsworth was offered a teaching position at RIT, where he remains to this day.

edit Inventions

Chris Farnell

"Left! Left! Right! Rotate 96 degrees! Come on...come on...dammit! I almost had that giraffe!"

  • Automatic Smell-u-lator
  • Granulated Sugar Magnet
  • Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man
  • Intermittent, Unreliable, Death Ray
  • Siegfried & Roy
  • Smell-o-Vision
  • Old Person GasTM

edit Footnotes

  1. Bambi burgers are the most sought after, and possibly only remaining, Disney relic during his life. The ground up Bambi meat was found in the closet of a direct descendant of Ding Chavez (a character in Rainbow Six), who was once quoted as saying "If I ever become a real boy, and escape this cheap, Tom Clancy paperback cell, I will devour all of Bambi, except a small amount of his meat, which will sit in the freezers of my family for a millenia, increasing in price until sold."

edit See also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects