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|Enrique Ernesto Alonzo Larios|
Our beloved Leader, Comrade Larios
|Born||December 15, 1984|
|Alma mater||University of Guatemala|
|Occupation||Supreme Leader of the Republic of Hispañata|
|Parents||José Ernesto Alonzo Larios|
“I've had more assassination attempts than the amount of facial hair he has!”
“Rove him rong time!”
“We are powerless at the hands of this glorious saint.”
“Shouldn't he be working at Taco Bell or something?”
Comrade Larios (born Enrique Ernesto Alonzo Larios; December 15, 1984) is the supreme glorious Leader of the country known as Hispañata. He has ruled the country for ten years, at the age of 18, overthrowing the ruthless president of Guatemala, Otto Fernando Pérez Molina, as well as the president of Colombia, Juan Manuel Santos, uniting the two countries to form Hispañata. Currently his main goals are too wipe out the America, Canada, and the United Kingdom. He currently resides in the capital of Hispañata, FukAmerikka city, where he runs his mouth on twitter yet his subjects cannot read what he is saying as the Internet is banned in Hispañata. Which actually, is a good thing.
edit EARLY CHILDHOOD
Our beloved leader of Hispañata was born into a family of wealth and fame. His father, being a business man in illegal exportation of nuclear arms, taught everything he knew to little Enrique. From throwing a baseball to assembling a nuclear warhead, Enrique was indeed ready to lead a life of fame.
In the summer of 1994, Enrique witnessed his first murder, the murder of his parents. Not only did he witness it, he took part in it, needing the money coming from the Will to attend The University of Guatemala, at age 10, being the first Latin American to do so. Although now rich and famous, he is going to experience his first struggles at the college, transforming him into the glorious leader he is today.
edit COLLEGE LIFE
Enrique attended the University of Guatemala from age 10 to age 14, graduating at the top of his class, starting the first courses in majoring in Opression, Dictation, and Pyrotechnics. But before that, there was some turmoil on campus. As leader of all major clubs and President of the student government, he ruled the University of Guatemala with an iron fist. Incoporating a new dress code, set of laws, and paying off the campus police to monitor communications, he was in the road to success. However, on May 4th, 1995, the police had picked up news of a planned rebellion on Larios, and informed him immediately. Having anticipated a rebellion sooner or later, he purchased from the USSR multiple light machine guns, ready for a plan of execution. The students were called in to the lunch room by professors, and we're told to be seated, as they were scheduled for a family luncheon. As their family members arrived, the doors were locked, and Larios walked in with the police, armed and ready. On Larios' orders, the students and family members were gunned down, and their heads were collected and placed in the Galleries in the Lecture Hall of the school. There have been accusations against Larios, claiming he had raped and tortured the students first, before killing them, yet the witnesses have been silenced as Larios ordered their dentists to remove their tongues under the code name ROOT CANAL. But in any case, our glorious leader would never commit such atrocities, and the media was silenced, as freedom of press and speech were revoked when he came in to office in 2002. Graduating in 1994, he then pursued his love of politics and his people, by leading a coup d'etat in 2002 that stunned the world.
edit REVOLUTION AND LEADERSHIP
During 2002, there was a sense of anti-democracy in the air, along with the smell of rotting bodies and the sound of crying children. It was the coup d'etat of the then president of Guatemala, led by none other than himself, Comrade Larios. Invading Guatemala city with his guerrilla forces, the Tropas De Hispañata, he raped the village and burned the women. Marching into the Presidential Palace, he then broadcasted a live feed to the world of him sexually harassing the president of Guatemala, by pointing large machine guns at the presidents crotch, making the president scream like a small autistic child. After the humiliation, he assassinated the president, and took his rightful place as leader of Guatemala. It didn't stop there, fortunately. Hoping to spread communism and totalitarian rule to Colombia, he led a group of paratroopers into the capital. His motto during this episode was "mujeres y niños primera", meaning "women and children first". After burning much of the city to the ground by use of flamethrowers, he walked right into the presidents palace, armed with only a pistol, and single-handedly overthrew the government of Colombia. Now united, the governments of Colombia and Guatemala became the new and improved, Republic of Hispañata.
As a commie and ex-lover to Fidel Castro, Larios installed a form of communism into the Republic of Hispañata. With everybody created equal under the new constitution (excluding the gays, blacks, Jews, Christians, Catholics, Muslims, women, protestants, etc., etc) his beloved country flourished as people were forced to work, and gave up everything in the name of the State. Including the virginity of the first born daughter. Immediately. His popularity grew as he executed thousands, including beliebers, Maroon 5 fans, Bon Jovi fans, and OneDirection fans, he was re-elected by popular vote (approximately 142% of votes were in favor of him) And remains the leader of Hispañata today.
edit HATRED OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND IT'S ALLIES
While Larios says he is trying to rid the world of imperialistic capitalism at its finest, there is no clear reason he has hatred for the United States. It could be perhaps he was molested by President George Walker Bush, or the fact that his people are continually impoverished by the United States and it's Allies, and oppressed by this form of Democratic Government, when it is the job of him, to lovingly
oppress lead his people."