User:Tritefantastic/InuYasha (old)
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“Hey, I have those same pants!”
~ MC Hammer on Inuyasha
“And people say I dress funny.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Inuyasha
“Oscar, SIT!”
~ Kagome on Oscar Wilde
Inuyasha (??????? lit. meaning "Dragonball"), also spelled InuYasha, Inu Yasha, Inu-Yasha, the Mac-compatible iNuyasha, InYouWashYa, In Your Washer and Lawrence Welk's Musical Fun Hour, depending which side of the irrelevant argument one is on, is an anime about the misadvendtures of Kagome Higurashi(???????) . Please note that this name was accidentally mangled in the translating process; in the Japanese version, her name is Gerald (???????).
Contents |
[edit] Storyline
In this anime, Kagome follows a rabbit into a magic hole in the ground to chase after her lover, Inuyasha (a Japanese name meaning "big Goblin Glider of the Goblin Glider"). Inuyasha also has a sword called "Tetsusaiga", which he ordered from an ad on the back of one of his comic books by mistake, when he really wanted a stripper, seeing that was the only way he would get any. While searching for Kagome, he runs into Shippo (a name meaning "we can probably market toys based on this"), Sango (a perverted Australian)and Miroku (a virtuous monk).
Kagome's journey is complicated by Inuyasha's ex-girlfriend Kikyo (which means "Magical Funtime Explosion Happy Hour is on Channel 5. Go watch it, slave."). She is trotted out about once every fifteen episodes, whereupon she promptly makes a big show of going right back into hiding.
Things are further complicated by the appearance of Naraku (roughly translates to "lame, sporadic plot device") and his children (slaves, actually; 'children' is just a pet name) who are mainly used when the normal plot devices have to be taken down for reupholstering. They (the children) only appear on weekends due to the custody agreement hammered out between Naraku and his ex-wife (Kikyo). He also got the reclining chair, the remote control, and the lawn mower.
There's also Inuyasha's half-brother Sesshy McGethy (which means "real name too long to write"). He roams through Japan selling Tupperware, with Jaken (meaning Golem rip-off) and Rin (troll child).
Along her dragged-out journey, Kagome must also recover the mystical Jewel of Three Stooges (also called the Shikon no Llama), a magical plot device that grants a wish when completed, like in Dragon Ball or something.
[edit] Characters (and their theme music)
[edit] Inuyasha
"Peanuts" theme
Half-human-half-demon and the vain character of the show. On a full moon his hair turns black and he loses his dog ears. He is a high-mettled mutt and highly determined to kill Naraku and for good. Keep on walking Inuyasha and defeat Naraku!
[edit] Advantages
- Has a coat made from the fire rat (rattus asbestos)
- Can play the "you just don't understand half-demons" card when it looks like he might be losing an argument.
- Has powerful, if strange ears.
[edit] Disadvantages
- Urinates on every unfamiliar thing he sees (demons can smell dog piss from miles away).
- Stupid (billed as "confused")
- Not a dog or human
- Doesn't get humans.
- The coat is two sizes too large and, savagely, isn't waterproof.
- iPod earbuds won't stay in his ears.
- Likes ramen too much.
- Is a Muslim
[edit] Sango
"9 to 5," by Dolly Parton
Created from a failed experiment in Enron's secret laboratories, Sango is a humanoid creature who defected to feudal Japan. After her lumberjack boy Naraku killed off her robotalien army and kidnapped her android brother Kohaku, Sango joined up with a group of idiotic wicthlings who actually think they can beat Naraku. This is viewed in some circles as a cry for help. Dedicates 22 hours to having incest with her brother Kohaku.
[edit] Shippo
"Bad to the Bone"
Shippo is Fox News network demon, who has fought and won many battles with his nemesis, the CBS eye, and has a love/hate relationship with the NBC peacock.
What he is best at, though, is not surprisingly, attracting attention. Maybe it is his puffy tail, his giant eyeballs or his ear splitting scream, but most likely, it is because he suffers from a very severe case of the Napoleonic complex and needs constant 'ooh's and 'aw's to keep from being totally and completely unnecessary.
[edit] Miroku
Anything by Rod Stewart
A spaceman from the future and a Buddhist, Miroku has a wormhole embedded in his hand. This is known as his "Wind Chunnel," and anything sucked through it appears in southeastern England.
Miroku enjoys several Buddhist activities such as prayer, meditation, slaughtering demons, conning hotel managers out of their money, stealing gold, being a pervert, and trying to knock up women (or even men that look like them) he doesn't know.
[edit] Sesshoumaru
"I'm Just a Bill," from those Schoolhouse Rock cartoons that utterly killed your opinion of American animation
Inuyasha's androgynous older brother whose true name is "Sesshy McGethy" (but all the fans seem to have forgotten this), he is a one armed perfectionist samurai who is also a lord of no small rank. His left arm was cut off in a freak accident during a live taping of a Ginsu knife infomercial.
While he kicks much ass, he seems unable to beat up his little brother. He has a more useless crew (even more useless than Inuyasha's), who are really just doing this as a second job between filming episodes of Sesame Street. Although he did kill everyone at the temp agency in retribution, it still hurts.
In addition to sword skills, he can also use "Fist of the Furry Thing" to activate "Majide Time". During Majide Time, he can't alter reality, but pretend that he can, and he grows in power according to how many times his opponents say "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!". This ability would be lost after Sengoku Jidai, and would lie forgotten until it was rediscovered in the 1980s by Wall Street bankers.
84% of girls who watch Inuyasha watch it solely to see Sesshy, whereas the precentage of males who watch it for the same purpose is 99.9%.
Sesshoumaru is really more powerful than Inuyasha and could easily take over the world if he went forward in time and killed everyone. Sadly, at the end of the series his amazing amounts of spankage stop, possibly because Chuck Norris found the portal and traveled back in time (possible explanation of why Walker Texas Ranger started before Inuyasha).
Despite his strong powers, he was only able to gather 2 minions. Rin (the brat that he saved from Naraku's sweatshop) and Jaken (the retarded frog) Both have no use, besdies pissing him off or getting him nearly killed or when they sold him to Naraku (where he got drunk and molested)
[edit] Kagome
"Let's Do the Time Warp Again"
Kagome is a strange exchange student from the future who,and for some reason, is having a grand old time in a world with no health care, electricity, plumbing and sanitation. She also owns a magical skirt that will not be moved no matter how many explosion occur or how strong the wind is. Many fanartist have found a way to break this magical seal, and create all sorts of disturbing images of the ugly whore.
[edit] Kikyo
"Pepper," by the Butthole Surfers
Kikyo is the crazy dead priestess who got the Emo sickness after Inuyasha broke up with her to star in dog shows. She became insane, pinning Inuyasha to 'his' tree. She can be found in the background of every episode, mumbling "I hate everything," repeatedly.
[edit] Naraku
Evil Generic Harpsichord Music
Originally simply a wayward bandit, he was overhauled on Pimp My Nemesis and does regular battle with everyone for no reason at all. During his spare time he works at Wallmart to get discounts on the purple eye makeup that he is often seen wearing.
[edit] Notable Episodes:
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