User:Triddle/Locally Branded Global Food Dynamics

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SouthernFried LoRes Color

"Southern Fried What?" features such popular dishes as the Deep-fried Mars Bar and Baconated Grapefruit.

Locally Branded Global Food Dynamics or LBGFD is the World's largest food manufacturer capturing over 98% of sales across the globe. LBGFD manufacturers popular brands such as Doritos, Toaster Strudel, Meow-mix, as well as nearly all brands normally thought of to be local. Grandma's Cookies, Tim's Cascade Style Potato Chips, Big Tex's Pork Jaws, and Hillbillie's Pride Premium Ardvark Eyeballs is a very short list of companies owned by LBGFD. In fact LBGFD sells fully 99.9% of all food that comes in a plastic bag; the remaining sales are from Chinese pirates who sell illegal food on street corners.

The key to LBGFD's success is in pure market saturation. Over time LBGFD simply purchased every food producer in the world and now places exactly the same food into different packaging for each diverse region. Tim's Cascade Style Potato Chips are exactly like Lays Extra Crunchy And Not Crappy brand. Swanson's main course for their Hungry Man: Deep South Cookin signature meal is available for purchase, in bulk, under the name of Hillbillie's Pride Premium Ardvark Eyeballs.

Interestingly all food is produced in Australia and shipped to various Asian countries where only slave labor involving children is used in food preparation. This is done, as corporate policy, because it offers the food a more tender and loving flavor that is simply not possible to create in the lab; so far... Anyway once the food has been prepped through dehydration it is shipped to France for packaging and finally to Iceland where the shipping labels are affixed. From there the food is sent to the United States via barge and is re-hydrated at local factories in your home town. You know that cookie shop across the street from the bank in downtown? Yea, thats owned by LBGFD and it's a re-hydration plant.

Locally Branded Global Food Dynamics is a major sponsor and contributor to PBS.

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