User:Trar/old userpage

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This is my old userpage, dating from a few years back. It's a horrible, embarrassing mess, and it serves as a reminder of just how far someone can take their userpage and run it into the ground. Good thing I came to my senses before the page reached critical mass.


The one and only....Trar!

(even on Uncyclopedia my Internet alias still dazzles all)

Hold on!
If you want to read Trar's Userpage, you must read The Copyright Disclaimer Fine Print first:
(you don't have to)

Keep all guards and shields in place. Batteries not included. Offer void where prohibited by law. Allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. Do not light near face. Slippery when wet. Keep fingers and toes away from moving parts. Objects may be closer than they appear. Read and understand the owner's manual. Some assembly required. If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding. The white zone is for loading and unloading only. Parental guidance advised. No user serviceable parts. Packaging may smother children. Keep left. Do not remove this tag. Hearing protection must be worn. May cause severe burns. Euphemisms are for the differently-brained. Not suitable for human consumption. Caveat nausem. It is forbidden to piss into the wind. Shuttlecraft should not exceed warp 7.5. May cause anal leakage. Management is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. You will not suffocate if elevator stalls. My cat's breath smells like cat food. Tighten belts monthly. Consult your doctor if symptoms persist. Don't stand, don't stand so, don't stand so close to me. Product may differ from illustration. Insert TAB A into SLOT B. Clean your room. This is not the luggage tag specified by the Geneva convention. Side effects may include mild to moderate death or coma. Prosecutors will be violated. Bridge out. This spot reserved for general manager. Tow away strictly enforced. High voltage - Do not open. Pie may be hot. Breaking seals voids warranty. Line forms here. Do not feed the trolls. Contains scenes of graphic violence, full-penetration sexuality, and fuzzy bunnies - Viewer discretion advised. May contain testicles nuts. If the wind changes, your face will be stuck like that. Do not apply to or near mucous membranes. Trucks must report when lights flashing. No refund on anally-fitted rodents. Check your weapons at the door. Political incorrectness is strictly encouraged. Remove before flight. This page intentionally left blank. Gusty winds may exist. WARNING! LARK'S VOMIT! May explode if inserted incorrectly. Causes ebola in cockroaches. You'll put somebody's eye out with that thing. Change filter bag when full. Don't look down. Fat chicks need love too. Check pattern buffer before operating transporter. Don't make me angry. . . You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. Start brain before engaging mouth. The doctor said you'd get fewer nosebleeds if you'd just keep your fingers out of there. Replace only with fuse of same type. Warp drive should not be engaged in space-dock. That's the one thing I could never stomach about Santa Carla: All the damn vampires. No one will notice this line. I am the one who all your base are belong to. Ho! Aha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust! Kingdom of Loathing! This template not for internal use.

Okay, now on with the userpage....

Corvette This user smells funny

...and has been awarded been given got a new car smell-scented air freshener.

Caternest You have been cited in Uncyclopedian Bios.
Apparently you are "notable".
Don't ask me why; I think you're lame.





News-hindie If you are offended by this article, consider reading something else instead!

Member of the Order
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notext
For those who are easily amused, Uncyclopedia has a totally unrelated article about: Drawing

Did you know...
...that Trar is not addicted to Cowbell anymore????

“Since Trar forgot to put up that warning poster, I will:”
~ Oscar Wilde

“Oooh...shiny colors and flashy pictures......”
~ You on Trar's Userpage

“Seriously, what is that kid ON!?”
~ Oscar Wilde on Trar

~ Trar on Euroipods

I grant Benson a full apology. However, I still don't like him. I am a strong Anti-Bensonite now. Watch out, Benson!”
~ Trar on Benson

~ Master Chief Petty Officer SPARTAN-117 on being quoted

“Trar, may the QuickVFD be with you.”
~ Braydie on vanity articles and malicious user page edits

“Is time travel possible?”
~ Oscar Wilde on time travel

~ God on Oscar Wilde's statement above

“Trar has glasses.”
~ Captain Obvious on Trar

~ Trar on Captain Obvious

“Oh, what a coincidence!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Trar hating Captain Obvious

~ Trar on Oscar's statement above

“He is very angry at me!”
~ Captain Obvious on the debate above

~ Trar on the statement above

~ Trar on his parents

~ Trar on The Thought Police coming to arrest him, since they think he is CRIMETHINK

“He is most definitely CRIMETHINK. He is our greatest enemy, and must be vanquished!”
~ Big Brother on Trar


“Fuck you!”
~ Trar on Big Brother

“Totemize him!”
~ The Inquisition on Trar

“I think that's enough quotes now.”
~ Famine on Trar's quotes

What Trar Looks Like: Gslayer
Real Name: Call me whatever you like.
Age: Cheese.
Gender: MALE, BITCH!
Member since: 17:56, 26 December 2006 (we're not really sure though)
Weight/Mass: It's embarassing!
Occupation: Slave
Status: Dead
Favourite Article: No favorite have I. Okay, I admit, Nihilism is pretty close.
Least Favorite Uncyclopedia In-joke: None.
Weapon of Choice: Depending on the situation, it would have to be either a bad-ass quarter gun, a toy ray gun, or a battle rifle.
Insult Swordfighting Level: Huh? What's insult swordfighting???????
Favorite Game: Zork Crackdown Grueslayer Kingdom of Loathing!
How Cool Is Trar?: Infinitely cooler than <insert name here>.
Infobox ripped off legally taken from AAA! This message added by AAA himself.

If you made it through all those templates and quotes, you're a trooper.

Welcome to Trar's Userpage!

I was M0000ARG11S, and not proud of it.

I have joined the The Grue Army, and you may now refer to me as

Grue JammySir(Braydie said i'm not a sir) Trar, Soldier of The Grue Army, Red SquadronGrue Jammy

Join today!

Oh yeah, I also play Kingdom of Loathing now. If you want to find me, my ID number is #1334618, I am a Turtle Tamer under the name Trar(that's my Internet alias), and no, i'm not selling you my fuckin' awesome custom outfit.

Curious about my custom outfit? If you want to see it THAT BAD, register a profile on KoL and try to find a player whose ID is #1334618 and whose username is Trar. That's me, and my custom outfit is listed on my profile page. Trust me, it's awesome! Don't worry, KoL is set up so you can't spend a huge amount of time on it(unless you're careful), and if you don't like it, your profile is deleted if it's inactive for 60 days.


^^^^Whoo! There! I hope you got the message!^^^^

I can even be found on Xbox Live. My Gamertag is, you guessed it, Trar!(oh i am so overreactive, aren't i?)

I've discovered IRC, and its wonderful magic abilities. Funny things can happen there, as seen in the following transcripts:

<UNKNOWNFILE> Carps <Trar> Are fish, and when hickory-smoked, taste good.

Every day, at least one person will be killed. Today a person has died by way of being killed by your own Green Shell.

Currently working on Game:Grueslayer and would appreciate volunteers. Game:Grueslayer is found at the ending of The Abyss.

Try this if you can't beat The Abyss by yourself.



Barney is the source of children's television EVIL!!!! HE MUST DIE!!!!!!!!!!!

edit The Story Of How Trar Came To Be!

Trar "He Doesn't Have A Last Name" Sr. (or Jr., his birth files are actually hentai crap) was born on a 'whim', as most overused, cliched Uncyclopedia celebrities would say. His early childsh00d is blurry, so we'll skip that. (he probably was in planning.......muahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
250px-Chandeleur L5 Oct2004Sep2005

Trar's former home before and after Hurrikane Katrina.

Trar once went to the beach, and after a severe sunburn, got BLOBS OF SALINE ALL OVER HIM! EWWWWW! (true story) (dear god kill me now, that was a link to a WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE!)

Trar eventually found a Sega Genesis in a dumpster and contracted Ebola. The Ebola part is pointless, so Chuck Norris cured him. However, the Genesis changed his life.....

By introducing him to video games!

Also, Trar admits this biography sucks ass.


Typical Scientist explaining Newton's Laws of Gravity..

Newtonian physics was invented by Sir Isaac Newton (who later referred to himself as "I suck" Newton). His parents were hippies and thought that it would be "cool" to spell his name with two a's. In a backlash against his parents laid back 'things just happen man, go with the flow' attitude, Newton invented physics. He used something called force (which his parents were against, because everything should be free man) and action (not as in 'sex' action, which his parents were all for man) to explain the fundamentals of how things work in the universe. This seriously pissed off hippies everywhere because all of a sudden life wasn't about freedom or free love, it was about all the things the hippies were rebelling against - stuff forcing other stuff to do stuff, total bummer man.

Newton invented three laws that essentially explained how things move (because they are forced). His most famous law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This definitely explains why people stopped having sex after physics was invented. It used to be: to every action there is an equal and opposite action that is the same. For example every man that wanted sex (action) there was an equal and opposite man (woman) that wanted the same thing. However thanks to Newton's most famous law, the situation is now: for every man that wants sex (action) there is an equal and opposite man (woman) that doesn't want sex (unless force is applied).

edit Introduction

Newtonian mechanics is the original version of physics, however it now comes in 12 varieties of cheese flavours. Sir Isaac Newton noticed people were being killed by apples which were falling in every direction, so he invented gravity to combat this deadly tree. After the invention of gravity apples now fall down, which still saves lives today. The only drawback of Newton's invention of gravity is falling anvils. Soon, Issac made a book that held the recipies for the 12 cheeses.

He also invented three laws that describe forces and motion in ways that disagree with hippies.

While Newton chose to present his work on physics in classical interpretive dance for acceptance, much of the work students are exposed to now-a-days is based on the calculus of infinitesimals. Infinitesimals are really fricken small, like infinity but opposite. Like virus particles they infect the brains of students and kill their love of mathematics - A love everyone is born with.

edit Background: Calculus

Newtown used calculus of infinitesimals (invented by some French guy who Newton killed in a bar fight) to express his invention of gravity and Newton's three laws. More specifically he employed Really Hard Calculus, however the basics of Hand Waving Calculus can be used to obtain a pass for most students.


1. Take x_{i} where i ranges over all possible values.

2. Infintesimalise x_{i}, that is, dice very finely with a sharp knife. It should be done such that x_{i} is of no finite size.

3. Take one \sum and mix with the infintesimalised x_{i}'s.

4. Leave for 5 minutes or until the sum \sum x_{i} becomes the integral \int{x_{i}}.

5. Apply to Physics, Mathematics, Chemistry and Gardening as required.

Students should be sure that they can master infintesimals before moving onto Newtonian Physics, it is not an easy journey. Zeno likens it to walking between two objects: First walk half way, then walk half way of the remaining distance. Repeat infinitely many times. If you are a mathematician you will go insane, if you are a true physicist you will get half way and say "close enough". Survivors of this test are physicists and are ready to study the art form of fudging, otherwise known as 'approximation' or physics.

edit Newton's Three Laws

Newton invented the three laws of motion to describe how bodies interact in a very dry and unsexual style. Physicists come to really appreciate Newton's law of motion once their sex drive dries up and they stop dreaming about bodies interacting in a free love kind of way.

edit Newton's First Law of Motion:

Every object of desire in a state of uniform attractiveness tends to remain in that state of unattainability until an external force is applied to it. This can include, but is not limited to: Becoming rich, getting a face lift or becoming a backstreet boy.

This was totally ripped off from Galileo's concept of unattainability, and this is often referred to as the "Law of you only attract people from the same attractiveness scale unless force is applied".

Any object that comes in contact with Noel Coward continues to move, forever.

edit Newton's Second Law of Motion:

The relationship between an object's mass m, its attractiveness a, and the force that is needed to be applied in order to score with them, F is F = ma. Attractiveness and force can change over time and influence each other, mass however can only be changed by eating right and may not influence attractiveness or force, in cases like that, mass is viewed as a constant or having a 'dog head'.

This is the most powerful of Newton's three Laws, because it allows people to understand if they are ever going to get it on with someone hot (without the influence of drugs and free love now that the 70s are over).

Before the 70s it was visual attractiveness, v and not attractiveness that determined who was getting laid. Aristotle was always getting into visually attractive people for a bit of action, without considering the role of frictional forces (like being a dickhead). Thanks to Newton, personality counts. This has helped many scientists get laid.

The relationship between a roundhouse kick and an object correspond with the will of Noel Coward

Recent researches have lead to a new formulae which has its importance in modern physics and eventually, adds a whole new set of actions in Newtonian Physics. Here you go: F = pie.a This formulae states that for a force applied on a student, a F = pie.a must be considered where pie is the constant for homeworks to be done and a the value of the quantity of homework given. This formulae is actually very well known in some part of the world where science and physics are revolutioning lives of some dozen students of the HSE level.

edit Newton's Third Law of Motion:

There is no force equal to a Noel Coward roundhouse kick.

This law is exemplified by what happens if you crack onto (action) a hot person before considering the ugly friend. You get left with the ugly friend and before you know it you are left face down in a gimp outfit screaming you're sorry for all the guys/ gals that didn't take them to the school dance (opposite reaction to what you wanted).

edit Newton's Law of Gravity

What goes up must come down.

Put simply, the forumla and equation for this is

\int_S T_i^{(n)}dS + \int_V F_i dV = \int_V \rho \frac{d v_i}{dt} \, dV

By definition the stress vector of gravity is \ T_i^{(n)} =\sigma_{ij}n_j, then

\int_S \sigma_{ij}n_j \, dS + \int_V F_i \, dV = \int_V \rho \frac{d v_i}{dt} \, dV

Using the Divergence theorem to convert a surface integral to a volume integral gives to downward force of mass.

\int_V  \sigma_{ij,j} \, dV + \int_V F_i \, dV = \int_V \rho \frac{d v_i}{dt} \, dV

For an arbitrary volume the integrand itself must be zero, and we have the momentum equation.

 \sigma_{ij,j} + F_i =  \rho \frac{d v_i}{dt}

If a system is in equilibrium, the change in momentum with respect to time is equal to 0, as there is no acceleration or loss of mass.

\sum{\mathbf{F}} = {\mathrm{d}\mathbf{P} \over \mathrm{d}t}=\ M\mathbf{a}_{cm}= 0

This is further explained in the Isaac Newton page of uncyclopedia.

edit Corrections to Newtonian Mechanics

Newton's theory of motion still couldn't explain the motion of really, really small objects (like if there is a guy with a small penis, his father must have had a small penis and somehow got laid? How did that happen?). Physicists discovered that this all has to do with taste, and so Quantum Cheddardynamics was invented to describe the behavior of really, really small things. Quantum Cheddardynamics is the physical theory describing the fundamental flavours and methods via which The 12 Fundamental Cheeses and 3 Noble Cheeses interact with and manipulate upon the universe (taken from Quantum Cheddardynamics). As the saying goes: "It's not how big it is, but how you taste it".

In fact

F_{really\ small\ object}= m_{fundamental cheese} x \hbar x t

where \hbar is Plank's Constant: the amount of cheese one can balance on a plank of wood before the plank begins to taste really good, and t = taste.

As objects get smaller and smaller, interactions are no longer influenced by attractiveness or mass, but by taste and the mass of the fundamental cheese the object consists of. This explains how slugs get it on, because they are Ug-Leeeeeeeeeeee! They are however made completely of Brie which is really, really tasty.

edit Einstein's Corrections

Einstein came up with the formula:

E = \hbar\nu

to correct Newtonian Physics. This was a major breakthrough which explained the 'sleaze anomaly'. The sleaze anomaly was not supported by Newtonian physics, as a sleaze has nothing to offer anyone, and their persistence in trying to score is downright annoying. Einstein's formula says the energy, E, one must input in order to score is directly proportional to the frequency \nu of attempts. This is why sleazes get action despite Newton's third law.

Note of course, that this is for Quantum objects (small willies ladies!!!) so never ever go with a sleaze no matter how long it's been!

edit Laws of Graduation

Newton is also famous for his three laws of graduation.

  1. A grad student in procrastination tends to stay in procrastination unless an external force is applied to it.[1]
  2. The age, 'a', of a doctoral process is directly proportional to the flexibility, 'f', given by the adviser and inversely proportional to the student's motivation, 'm'. [2]
  3. For every action towards graduation there is an equal and opposite distraction. [3]

edit See also

Thus Trar is an expert THIS HAS BEEN CENSORED, B1TCH!!!!!!!!! HAVE A F*****G F1ELD DAY MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, but we don't know how.

THEN Trar stumbled upon The Internet, then Wikipedia, then Uncyclopedia, then M0000ARG11S, and now Trar!

Trar is currently wanted by the Federal Bureau of Investigation (the FBI) and the Police for illegal use of Userboxes.

And for his illegally owned pet Grue. If you see him, contact the cops IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or the Queen Of Hearts. Or this guy, whichever comes first.

The following is a message from the local hippie group: We must save the Maine page!

Recently, Trar has broken his addiction to Cowbell.

edit Trar's Creations

(featued articles are in italics)

edit What Trar Likes

  • Reading Wikipedia (when I feel like doing research)
  • Video games
  • Lucky Charms!
  • Mexican food
  • Custard
  • Censors

edit What Trar Dislikes

Down with 1337

I ain't kidding about the 1337.

edit Happy Chairman Award

Recently, Trar has been giving this award out to users who contribute content that Trar finds funny.

Or just because Trar likes the recipent user.

edit My Userboxes

Z This user has found the Twenty Treasures of Zork and beaten Zork: The Great Underground Empire.

Z2 This user has united the Golden Egg of Arkora and beaten Zork 2: Gruel and Unusual Punishment.

Zork This user edits the Zork trilogy.
Grueslayer This user created Grueslayer.
Grueslayer This user edits Grueslayer.
Grueslayer This user is a Grueslayer implementor.
Grueslayer This user has been eaten by a grue in Grueslayer.

Grueslayer This user finished Grueslayer on easy mode. What a pathetic pansy.

Grueslayer This user finished Grueslayer on hard mode, and is worthy of the title of Grueslayer!

Grueslayer This user slays grues in his/her sleep.

Grueslayer This user likes to play Grueslayer PvP.

ABYSS This user has survived the wretched dark place we call The Abyss.

A x2 This user is lucky to have survived going through the Grue-infested pit we call The Abyss more than once.

ABYSS x?,??? This user IS The Abyss.

Abyss This user edits The Abyss.

TA This user believes that you can never have too many text adventures on Uncyclopedia.
[insert content here] This userbox is a filler, and therefore looks ugly.

Wiki This user uses Uncyclopedia as his or her primary point of reference.
no cowbell This user has broken his/her addiction to Cowbell! Long shall they live and prosper!

MEH This user redefines lazy.
MagicWand.jpg This user wishes they were an admin. Please grant them their wish.
Bananaseizure This user will give you a seizure.
... This user would be a professional procrastinator, but he or she can't be bothered.
Nuvola apps important This user hates you and everyone you care about.
Deadbarney3 This user believes Barney is evil and therefore must die.
1+ This user has over 1 edit. Duh!
This user gots a shuvel. Yes {{{1}}} does.
NO This user doesn't care.
This user is a boy and is made of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.

Sign1 This user is a mutant.
BS This userpage is bullshit.
usb This user likes to use userboxes.

Usb! No, really!


RENT This space for rent.

Call 1-800-666-6666.

Firefox Logo This user believes the Mozilla Firefox could easily defeat Godzilla.

Gefahrensymbol F This user is a pyromaniac.

Nuvola apps important orange This user should not be trusted.
US flag This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
Sad clown
This user is a member of the Uncyclopedia Departure of Fun.
Anti-Benson This user denounces BENSON.

Mario-lo-res This user is a Gamer and therefore creepy.
750px-High voltage warning.svg No user serviceable parts inside.

This user is right-handed.

In Latin they would be Dexter.

Numbersix This user is not a number, s/he is a free wo/man!
Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow! Meow meow meow meow! MEOW!
Woof! Woof! Woof! Woof! Ruff! Ruff Ruff! Arf! Arf!
Tursiops truncatus head Eeek ahk sque'ek uhk kkkk'k squeek!
OBN This user is invisible, <insert name here> sees You but you don't see him/her. Tee hee!!

? This user is anonymous. That is, numbskull, he or she doesn't want you to know who he or she is.
sub subliminal!
Villianc This user denies any involvement with the cabal. There is no cabal.
This user has a crapload of userboxes. To see more of them, go to nowhere.

Windows Logo This user uses Windows because he or she can't get enough of your lover.

The Worst Part of Censorship This *bleep* user likes to *bleep* the use of *bleep* *bleep* profanity *bleep*
typo-1 This use ris able to contribute with a babsic levle of Typo.
.sdrawkcab si resu sihT

!degnellahc-yllatnoziroh TON si resu sihT :etoN
Uncyclopedia elzzup otatop
Fortune cookie 20040628 223108 1 This user is being held hostage in a Chinese fortune cookie factory! Early Bird Gets The Worm.. Second Mouse Always Gets The Cheese. Help!
Crystal Clear app kcmdf This user likes to use redundant userboxes.
Napoleon4 This user is not and has never been Napoleon.
Popeeyebeams This user is a complete, irredeemable Cadillac. He/she/it is Bat Fuck Insane, and fucks at the Cadillac.
Shyny ub This user is easily distracted by anything shiny.
Earth This user can be found on the Uncyclopedia Frappr Map.
hey! The above wasn't my fault!

Temp This is a template userbox, to create userboxes from. Anyone with it on his/her page is clearly just looking for an excuse to have more Userboxes.
Potatohead aqua This user wants Reese's Peanut Butter Cup featured.

Color This user likes random colored userboxes.
Clown chili peppers This user fears the clowns.
Kid1 This user seriously needs to calm down.
Merc This user is a Mercenary and chooses their own wars to fight in.
bu-0 This user does not speak Bullet and may result in injury if does so.
MS-2 This user is able to contribute through speaking his mind at an intermediate level.
Canadian snowman This user is cooler than you.
Stop hand This user has been blocked once while he was an earlier user, namely, M0000ARG11S.
Brain This user's IQ is 109.

Monbags This user is POOR,

has never passed GO,

and never collected $200.00.

Ape This user is a member of the FUWAA Club. The Club that nobody cares about.
DramaticQuestionMark This user can also be found elsewhere on the internet.
Boredkid This user is a Registered User and they can upload images and move pages, whoopdie freakin doo.
no nj This user is not a Ninja, with no dominion over everything totally sweet.

SignLanguage This user understands American sign language.
UBX This user opposes other users screwing with his/her userboxes.
253951 photo Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring....BANANAPHONE!!!!

Head on

HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead! HeadOn, available at Walgreens.

Grue Jammy This user has joined The Grue Army to help Uncyclopedia kill vandals, and help users. Please join today!

This user is better than BENSON, and is an Anti-BENSON-ite! Muahahaha!

Che santoru This user celebrates the recent unbanning of ∩int∑ndorul∑z. Now that he is longer banned, let us hope he will come home.
This user is a Golden User.
This space for rent.

No hammer and sickle This user is an

... and is unabashedly American!

BROTRR This user is a proud Rigist.

17-G This user does not speak 1337 and furthermore believes 1337 to be an embarrassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of 1337.
us-N This user is a native speaker of American English.
Leftswordguy An adventurer is this user! He or she plays Kingdom of Loathing. His/her ID number in the game is #1334618.
Stop hand This user has been blocked 2 times as a current user, namely, Trar.
Bmup smaller This user is part of The Proofreading Service.

Spellingnazi This user is a spelling Nazi. Beware their grammarsteeq.

edit External Links

Barney is evil!

Make your own signs!

253951 photo Not Cream of the Crap
This article is not and will not be one of the Top 10 articles of 2005, 2006, 2007, and beyond(ish).
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