User:Tompkins/mainpage

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search


Welcome to Uncyclopedia,

the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit
Imagine a world in which every single person is given free access
to the sum of all human stupidity. That's what we're doing.

Beginners Guide · The Big Five · Style · Questions · Help · Donations

Categories · Featured content · A–Z index

Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - Nouvelle cuisine

Ncdiner

Nouvelle cuisine is the ideal answer when a restaurant becomes too popular. In these cases, the chef is worked off his or her feet trying to keep all those tables supplied with appetising, nutritious food. Increasing the prices may offer a temporary relief from the overpopularity of the eating-place, or it may instead create an atmosphere of quality and exclusiveness, thereby increasing customers further still. Switching from food to Nouvelle Cuisine helpfully reduces the number of customers to manageable proportions, without resorting to such unpopular or illegal measures as salmonella or e-coli.

No one single characteristic describes Nouvelle Cuisine. Rather, a combination of known attributes, when seen together, determine the style to exist.

  • Oversize plate: Nouvelle Cuisine dishes are invariably served on a plate at least three times the diameter required to hold the meal itself. Sometimes, the plate is so large that places must be double-spaced. The very large size of plate allows adequate free space, unencumbered with food, for the chef to demonstrate his or her artistic talent. It is also important that the plate is cold, preferably having been deep-frozen until a few minutes before serving. This coldness ensures that the customer has to eat-up quickly, thus freeing the table sooner.
  • Dusty eating surfaces: The plate, and any other surfaces carrying food shall be sufficiently dusty to create the impression of a possible hygiene concern. If plates do not remain unused long enough for natural dust to build up, then this may be substituted with flour, or in fact with any powdery material typically found in a kitchen. (more...)
Recently featured: Nouvelle cuisine - Ad hominem

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ad hominem

Adhominemabusive

Ad hominem (derived from Latin; or Ad-ay ominem-Hay in Pig Latin) is an effective technique used to disprove the argument of a stupid person whose ill-conceived ideas are probably reminiscent of a troubled childhood. The opponent is attacked personally rather than responded to based on their daft ideals and even dafter hairstyle. In most cases the point that is attacked is irrelevant and has no reasoning behind it. Those who use ad hominem points to counter ad hominem points are just as silly and are only leading themselves down a route of more sin.

An example of an ad hominem argument is the debate surrounding gays. The gay sinners, who thanks to their high pitched voice can barely be detected by normal human ears, when presenting their argument put forward the point that people who hate gays only hate gays because they're white and vote for the BNP. The gays who mentioned this point all went to states school and learnt geography so are, unfortunately, completely incapable of understanding how stupid their point was.

Abusive ad hominem arguments involve a petty use of verbal or physical violence against the opponent because the opponent is mentally ill and only has one arm and so can't hold up a substantive argument. Verbal abuse can involve comedic lampoons of the opposition with statements such as "You smell", "You're a loser" and "Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker the Honourable Gentleman owns less than me. Pray shut him up my good man." (more...)

On this day...
March 1: National Grue Day
  • 64000000 BC - Gruegasauri roam the plains waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
  • 32 - Jesus gets eaten by a Grue. He then comes back from the dead, only to be eaten by another Grue.
  • 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian archers features in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, "does not compute".
  • 1632 Gruel is invented by the Grues of London to morph English Orphans into Grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British Orphans disappeared.
  • 1777 - The last remnants of the British army are eaten by a Grue.
  • 1823 - Vin Diesel eats a Grue, and slowly morphs into one.
  • 1951 - Hitler develops the concept of luring Grues into attacking foes, thus allowing him to win World War 2.
  • 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: Court rules a person eaten by a Grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
  • 1987 - Danny DeVito becomes the first human - grue transplant recipient after a hunting accident involving two midgets and a circus elephant.
  • 1995 - Grues destroy Constantinople, rebuild it as Istanbul.
  • 1997 - Scientists develop Grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
  • 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
  • 2001 Joe Bob manages to slay a Grue, and is seconds later crushed by a falling rock.
  • 2005 - Wales defeat the Grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said Grues.
  • 2006 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation.
  • 2006 A grue creates uncyclopedia account. Then eats the account.
  • 2007 - Another group of scientists develop armour that is both grue-proof and eurg-proof, so the universe implodes.
  • 2009 - George W. Bush declared Grues to be "weapons of mass destruction".
  • 2045 - The Dominant species of the planets are Grues, humans build big oven to cool humans for the feast of the Grues.
  • AD 2101 - War was beginning. CATS battles the grues for control of the earth. The legendary Build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
  • 2147- The grues are finally defeated- only to be replaced by the eurgs who then recreate grues to balance themselves.
Word of the Day
Ash Wednesday
Try to use it in conversation.
Knowledge is power.
In the news


Cup holder.png





UnNews – Need advice? Ask Cthulhu!

Did you know...
*...that the White House is really off-white?
  • ...that the sport of Water Polo can be greatly improved with the addition of sharks?
Today's featured picture
LEGOGiraffeCull

Lego Noir

Image Credit: ScottPat
Vote on this image - Nominate new image - View all featured images


Archive - Nominate new image
Recent Articles

Sens. Warren/Ayotte/Brown | Greggs (rw) | Space Shuttle Challenger (rw) | Solar flares | Maurice Ravel | Dudley | Availability | UnDebate:Should women rap? | Banh Shop | Worst bumper stickers | Firesheep | Lava lamp | Ebola | Brick (rw) | Chess | Food (rw) | Please unblock me | My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection | Essex | Caliphate | Office etiquette (rw) | Barcelona | Antigonish, N.S. | Navelism | Cutter® (rw) | Rutherford B. Hayes | Netflix | Pink slime | Battle of Bosworth | The 100 | Twelve Tables | Jam session


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about...

Writer and Noob of the Month
Wotm

Oh great....another award for Todd.....(mutters darkly)....lets all be pleased for him.....(mumble, mumble)..... It's a bird! It's a plane! It's....Todd Lyons! Blasting through his competition, Todd sails to the lead with Richard M. Stallman at his right and OCD in his head. ToddBot2000 by day and Article Mastermind by night, his genius speaks for itself.


Noobaward

"An incomparably superior human being," the Count of Monkey Crisco is known for his excellent work and knows it. Spawning such contributions as Midget cockpunching terrorists and an Evil Cookie Monster, the Count has left an indelible bootprint on the face of Uncyclopedia, forever.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Month | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners: 2005/2006



Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profit organization that also hosts a range of other projects.

UnNews Logo Potato (No text)red UnNews
The news source on crack
Uncyclopedia Puzzle Potato Notextred Uncyclopedia
The content-free encyclopedia
Pencil2 Undictionary
The ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid
Oscarred The Wilde Project
Bringing Oscar Wilde quotes to innumerable pages in Uncyclopedia.
Other areas of Uncyclopedia
  • Unhelp Desk — Attempt to obtain help on Uncyclopedia usage.
  • Village Dump — For worthless, unhelpful discussions on Uncyclopedia itself.
  • Community Portal — A page of links to pseudo-important Uncyclopedia pages that you may or may not be interested in.
Showcase newsletter Biography

Red Green

Geog1redgif Geography

Red China

Paperclip Mundane Object

Bright red paper

History History

Stormtroopers vs. Red Shirts

Phrenology Science

The Effect of Red on Human Psychosis


Uncyclopedia languages

This is the English language Uncyclopedia, started in 2005. It currently contains 30,723 articles. Uncyclopedias are also being written in many other languages:

Wikired
1dÉ
Uncyclopedia.dered
Nonsensopediared
Nonciclopedia
Inciclopediared
HeLogo.inkred
Valenciclopedia-wikired
Ανεγκυκλοπαίδεια-wikired
Hikipediared
Lenin RedSquarered
Uncapaediared

Uncyclopedia
English
Désencyclopédie
Français

Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Nonsensopedia
Polski

Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Inciclopedia
Español

Eincyclopedia
עברית
Valenciclopèdia
Catalan

Ανεγκυκλοπαίδεια
Ελληνικά
Hikipedia
Suomi

Абсурдопедия
Русский
Uncapædia
Latina

Complete list · Multilingual coordination · Start a Uncyclopedia in another language

If you find Uncyclopedia or its sista projects amusing, please consider making a donation to help the victims of the War on Terra:
Protected by the Fair Use Clause, and an elite clan of Clinjas.

Personal tools
projects