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Today's Featured Article

Today's Featured Article - BioShock

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BioShock is an award-winning, first-person shooter video game developed by Irrational and released by 2K Games in 2007. The game is set in the underwater city of Rapture in the 1960s. The player identifies with the protagonist, misunderstood perverted mass murderer ‘Jack’, a character based on the game's main developer, Ken Levine. It is widely regarded as one of the greatest games ever made due to its shocking content, adult themes and political satire, rivaling those sorts of shows that are only screened on HBO after the kids are meant to be in bed.

The game opens with the main protagonist Jack on the transatlantic red-eye flight to an unknown destination. A short clip shows Jack using an empty bag of Quavers in an odd way, followed by his plane crashing into the Atlantic Ocean, killing almost everyone.

Jack manages to survive the crash, and whilst swimming away from the flaming wreckage and bobbing decapitations, spots a darkened lighthouse standing inconspicuously in the middle of the ocean. Balls beginning to freeze, he quickly swims over to it and enters the front door to realise he’s inadvertently discovered the entrance to the hidden underwater city of Rapture. With no other plans in his diary for the day, he descends into Rapture and is immediately confronted with blabbering duo Andrew Ryan and Atlas The Sneaky Paddy. (more...)

Recently featured: BioShock - George R. R. Martin

Yesterday's Featured Article - George R. R. Martin

GameOfThroneFans01

George R. R. Martin (born September 20, 1948) is the bearded, retired Santa Claus look-a-like responsible for the BLT sized books A Game of Thrones, Feast of Crows and I Wrote This by Mashing up Everything That Came to Hand. Martin is now chuckling all the way to his bank. No relation to J.K.Rowling, J.R.Ewing or G.R.R.R.R.R (a grizzly bear when he discovers you inside a tent on his hunting land).

Martin comes across as the jolly bloated uncle you never had (or never wished to have). He could also be a garden gnome that managed to heft his bulk over a garden wall and is now running amok polluting the minds of the young and easily influenced with his turgid tomes. Considered to be by some as the 'American J.R.R Tolkien' or a gurning version of C.S. Lewis, Martin cleverly realised that the path to happiness and gold is to 'sex up' your stories and add a lot gore when the action heads into a plodding direction.

This is certainly the view of the HBO teleivision channel who gobbled up the rights to Martin's A Singalong of Fire and Ice series (unfinished) and are now currently shooting the series in Belfast in Northern Ireland. Since this was also the place where the RMS Titanic was launched, the producers may have hoped that if the show tanked or was sunk by an iceberg of audience indifference, no one would have noticed. Unluckily for us, though the pilot was thrown overboard for excess cheesy acting, a re-casting and re-boot has turned the TV series into a world wide hit. It has also given hope to other writers of half arsed fantasy literature another boost that their fluffy epics will be picked up and turned into pricey TV series. It is becoming all very 'Martinesque'. (more...)

On this day...
March 1: National Grue Day
  • 64000000 BC - Gruegasauri roam the plains waiting for unsuspecting tourists.
  • 32 - Jesus gets eaten by a Grue. He then comes back from the dead, only to be eaten by another Grue.
  • 1349 - Jack the Ripper's antique collection of Mongolian archers features in Forbes Magazine. This, according to Tony Blair, "does not compute".
  • 1632 Gruel is invented by the Grues of London to morph English Orphans into Grues after long periods of eating it. This plot might have worked, since after 1692, all British Orphans disappeared.
  • 1777 - The last remnants of the British army are eaten by a Grue.
  • 1823 - Vin Diesel eats a Grue, and slowly morphs into one.
  • 1951 - Hitler develops the concept of luring Grues into attacking foes, thus allowing him to win World War 2.
  • 1985 - Landmark decision in Some v. Pestilence: Court rules a person eaten by a Grue cannot be held legally responsible for death or injury related to ingestion.
  • 1987 - Danny DeVito becomes the first human - grue transplant recipient after a hunting accident involving two midgets and a circus elephant.
  • 1995 - Grues destroy Constantinople, rebuild it as Istanbul.
  • 1997 - Scientists develop Grue-proof armor, and promptly get eaten by Eurgs.
  • 1999 - Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a grue onstage, is promptly ignored as just another geek sideshow act.
  • 2001 Joe Bob manages to slay a Grue, and is seconds later crushed by a falling rock.
  • 2005 - Wales defeat the Grues 11-9 in a massive Six Nations Rugby upset. Unfortunately, the Welsh side are shortly after eaten by said Grues.
  • 2006 'You are likely to be eaten by a grue' fever sweeps the nation.
  • 2006 A grue creates uncyclopedia account. Then eats the account.
  • 2007 - Another group of scientists develop armour that is both grue-proof and eurg-proof, so the universe implodes.
  • 2009 - George W. Bush declared Grues to be "weapons of mass destruction".
  • 2045 - The Dominant species of the planets are Grues, humans build big oven to cool humans for the feast of the Grues.
  • AD 2101 - War was beginning. CATS battles the grues for control of the earth. The legendary Build-a-grue workshop opens during this time period.
  • 2147- The grues are finally defeated- only to be replaced by the eurgs who then recreate grues to balance themselves.
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