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Today's Featured Article - Death

HumanSkull

Death is the process by which live things complete the transition to becoming dead things. Traditionally, this is achieved by ceasing all biological functions and falling to the floor as a lifeless pile of jelly. The generally agreed procedure at this point is to attract hundreds of insects and decompose horribly. There are very few departures from this formula and, given that everybody who goes through it is dead, this is unlikely to change any time soon.

Death has been the subject of extensive debate over the years. There are hundreds of competing theories for what happens afterwards. These range from being reborn to absolutely nothing happening whatsoever and entering a state of eternal nothingness — an eternal oblivion. The state of eternal oblivion is easily experienced by taking a stopping train to Aberystwyth, or by inviting a plumber to explain exactly what he is doing to the ball-cock.

It is common for people to have funerals after they die. These funerals are where friends of the deceased mourn their passing, before descending into petty squabbles and litigation over the deceased person's will. Death is often described as being the ultimate leveller. As Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius observed in 180 AD: "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." Such a quotation is sure to enliven any post-bereavement repast. (more...)

Recently featured: Death - Ernest Hemingway - RAF Packington

Yesterday's Featured Article - Ernest Hemingway

Hemtolstoy

He lived. Primarily in the first half of the 20th century. Then for a while in the last half. He wrote things (such as books), drank things (such as alcohol), and shot things (such as his face). He had a beard. He married more than his fair share of rich women. He once owned a tiny Jewish slave named Windemere. Let us examine this complex man and his complex works. Without neglecting his complexity.

Ernest Hemingway was born in the United States. His father was an Amish magician. His mother was not. He cried a lot when he was a baby. Babies cry a lot. Sometimes it is because their pants are heavy. Sometimes it is because they cannot have fine French wine. Even as a baby Hemingway could tell a good wine from a bad one.

Hemingway cried. He did not have decent French wine. He would have it later. But right now he did not have it. The house did not have indoor plumbing. It would have it later, when Ernest was ten. When he turned ten he would be fascinated with the hot and cold taps. He would call it a Big Two-Heated River. He would wish the taps would pour out whiskey and absinthe. But they did not. Besides, his house did not have plumbing yet. While he was looking for a restroom, he would often shoot things. (More...)

Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured War, featured on 25 April 2012. See the featured version.
User:Dr. Skullthumper/10 reasons to defrost Frosty, featured on 25 April 2011. See the featured version.
Tooth Fairy, featured on 25 April 2010. See the featured version.
Tradesmen, featured on 25 April 2009. See the featured version.

All You Need To Know Is...

*...that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ...that water is bad for your health because fish have sex in it?

The People's Controlled Media

On This Day...

Obese

April 25: National Obesity Appreciation Day

  • 0 - The world's first April 25th was celebrated. Nostradamus predicts the world's first April 26th to occur a day later. He later predicts the birth of Jimbo Wales and the creation of Wikipedia, but no one believes him due to the idea of both being so stupid.
  • 908 - A horde of plus-sized Vikings raid the east coast of Britain and set up a new IKEA store.
  • 1301 - First known use of the phrase "I don't give a shit" thought to have been said somewhere around London, England.
  • 1607 - Dutch Commando Dykes led by Hans Solo destroy the anchored Spanish fleet.
  • 1847 - The last survivors of the Donner Party are out of the wilderness. Shortly after, the first McDonners resturant opens. First item on the menu: McRib.
  • 1862 - The worlds first battery operated fork is created; two million die during its first use.
  • 1859 - Ground is broken for the Suez Canal. Israelis and Egyptians immediately begin fighting over who owns the hole.
  • 1915 - Australians invade Turkey, only to piss off next year.
  • 1918 - Turks invade Australia, but have stayed permanantly to drive taxis.
  • 1921 - Fattest US president in history, William Howard Taft, eats a steak.
  • 1950 - The Michelin Man Ii born.
  • 1955 - The first McDonalds is opened.
  • 1956 - "Obesity" is a recognized health problem.
  • 1957 - Overweight Appreciation day is upgraded to Obesity Appreciation Day, whilst Overweight Appreciation Day changes to 25th December.
  • 1986 - First annual (and only) all-night Soviet Power Plant Workers' Tetris competition held.
  • 1990 - Astronauts deploying the Hubble Space Telescope drop it on the way out the door, knocking it slightly out of focus.
  • 2003 - The International Federation of Dentists cancel all appointments for the month of August, in protest that floss and tooth picks, are not bar-coded.

Featured picture

MP Truman2

August 6, 1945: After being given superpowers by the Manhattan Project, Harry S. Truman, the Truman Torch, personally drops the atomic bomb on Hiroshima, Japan, signalling the beginning of the end of World War II.

Truman's flight was the culmination of the Manhattan Project, a sustained secret project by the United States military to develop superpowers in order to resurrect the American Justice Coalition. Because superhero technology was so valuable, the project was disguised as an effort to create a nuclear bomb, a deception that was so complete that the nuclear bomb was also developed. Subsequently, all American presidents have been endowed with superpowers and occasionally fight together as the New American Justice Coalition.

Image Credit: Isra1337
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Communpedia's sista projects

Communpedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects.

Communpedia Sista1 MP CommUnNews
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Communpedia Sista2 MP CommUnTunes
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Communpedia Sista8 MP Communist Women Go Wilde Project
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Communpedia Sista5 MP CommUnquotable
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Communpedia Sista7 MP CommUncycloversity
If it makes sense, we don't want it


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