User:Timothy Language/List of sex positions

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

Sex can get boring. Unless you're a Catholic Priest, you will get bored of the same high-pitched screams from the hundreds of little boys or girls that you fuck every week. You obviously want to liven it up a bit. If you don't, you simply don't know that you actually do.

There are guys would cry with frustration as they try to guess which pipe to plumb (however, some of these guys are not used to having so many choices). These guys are too weak for the information on this page and should use their mom's mouth to experience sex-ed.

But we, men that we are, didn't need sex-ed to be told how to do it! We all taught ourselves through the wonders of our instincts! At nine years of age!

We're hardcore enough to use this treasure trove of info without puking up our guts. We don't fuck for fun, we fuck to make women scream. We don't use condoms, we use socks with holes in them!!

We've compiled a list of positions so that the men of the world can rediscover the joy of expressing their love to the women of the world by making their pussies bleed...

edit The Basics

Yes. We know that you know this shit. But maybe the reason you're bored of sex is that you've actually forgotten how to do it?

edit Triple Lindy

This position is easy. All you have to do is hold her waist and hope that you don't sweat. Even if you do sweat, it's not a problem, the worst that can happen is that she slips and falls (and either bends you dick or rips it off). There is no threat to you whatsoever aparrt from falling asleep because it's so easy!

Personal tools