User:Thekillerfroggy/Articles

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These are my articles that I wrote. They are good. Read them.

Now with handy footnotes to remind you what kinds of jokes each article features. There are lots of jokes! Also they're somewhat organized based on accolades and personal preference now. Somewhat. Read them.

Magic gathering-goggles

It is wise to equip these before reading any of my articles. Trust me.

Required Reading

  1. Filial Piety [1] (Top 10 of 2010! Wooooo)
  2. Rapto-velocity [2] (Won the Unfortunately-Titled Happymonkey Competition!) (Top 10 of 2011!)
  3. IMSPWOHWFM [3] (Won Best Illustrated In PLS) (Top 10 of 2011! Wooooo.)
  4. Sergei Rachmaninoff [4] (Top 10 of 2007! Wooooo)
  5. Milton Babbitt/Talk:Milton Babbitt/Milton Babbitt/rewrite [5](Honorable Mention Top 10 of 2011! Woooo!) (Also featured 3 times. Nah big.)
  6. Regular K[6] (Very nearly honorable mention for Uncyclopedia:Top 10 Articles of 2010)
  7. Muddy Waters [7] (Won Best Rewrite in PLS)
  8. Titshugger Penishead McFucknutter [8] (Personal Favorite! Stephen Colbert ripped off the concept once!)
  9. The Wire [9] (My "Passion Play," except without Mickey Rourke and Megan Fox and, hopefully, Awfulness)
  10. HowTo:Meet women [10] (Landmark 50th) (PLS Runner-up)
  11. Chicks [11] (Top 3 of Month)
  12. Antifreeze [12] (Won the Article Whisperer!) (Top 3 of Month)
  13. HowTo:Beat Shaq [13]
  14. Sex [14] (Top 3 of Month)
  15. Freezer [15] (PLS Runner-up)
  16. Rocks [16]
  17. Peter Dinklage [17] (Top 3 of Month)
  18. HowTo:Play Russian Roulette (PLS failure) [18]
  19. Charles Mingus [19]
    Extremely overt playstation 3 penis reference

    My inspiration.

  20. Aran Islands [20]
  21. Uncyclopedia Department of Tourism [21]
  22. Taft Punk [22]
  23. Andy Kaufman (co-authored with the excellent Mark Twain) [23]
  24. Talk Talk [24]
  25. Encyclopedia Dramatica (Encyclopedia) [25] (Top 3 of Month)
  26. Stratego [26]
  27. The Fourth Stooge (Article-in-an-hour contest) [27]
  28. UnBooks:Evelyn, the Modified Dog [28]
  29. Drugs [29]
  30. Boards of Canada [30]
  31. Dave Chappelle [31]
  32. Hipster [32]
  33. Two and a Half Men [33]
  34. UnScripts:Good Dog/Bad Dog [34]
  35. Crescendo [35]
  36. Selective Inbreeding (PLS failure) [36]
  37. Regent University [37]
  38. Complete list of applications of trigonometry in today's society [38]
  39. How much can YOU take!! (PLS failure) [39]
  40. Uh oh (with Under user, Mhaille and Cajek, may his soul rest in peace) [40]
  41. Pillow fighting (With Dr. Skullthumper) [41]
  42. HowTo:Be Deep (with Ljlego and Dr. Skullthumper) [42] (Top 3 of Month)
  43. Air horn [43]
  44. David Brubeck [44]
  45. PlayStation 3 [45]
  46. Stevie Wonder [46]
  47. 1989 [47]
  48. Vidja Game [48] (Top 10 of the year on Illogicopedia!)
  49. Mike Gravel [49]
  50. Why?:I'm hot [50]
  51. PARTY HARD (Partied harder by Dr. Skullthumper) [51]
  52. Quality (Also Flammable and some IP) [52]

Supplementary Reading and Various Un-jokes

Gorbachev Bear

Gorbachev bear reminds you to focus on building a wall.

  1. wesley willis [53]
  2. Rock and Roll (food) [54]
  3. Esperanto [55]
  4. Skrillex [56] (Top 3 of Month)
  5. Cum Dumpster [57]
  6. The Song Remains the Same [58]
  7. Reverse Holocaust [59]
  8. That time I nearly maed a yuky doody during my sojourn in Canada [60]
  9. Major urinary proteins (with Socky) [61]
  10. Why?:So Serious? (collab with TheLedBalloon) [62]
  11. UnScripts:The Best Man [63]
  12. The Mementocrats [64] (Quasi-Featured!)
  13. Flute Hero [65]
  14. Yellow Snow [66]
  15. The Bureaucrats (Joke) [67]
  16. UnBooks:See Soulja [68]
  17. Star Wars Kid [69]
  18. Breakfast [70]
  19. Niggas in Paris [71]
  20. Dark Horse (didn't win shit in anything) [72]
  21. Black Moth Super Rainbow [73]
  22. UnScripts:The United States Government Just Doesn't Give a Fuck[74]
  23. UnPoetia:The poem that goes like this [75]
  24. Codeine is a fat cunt (album) [76]
  25. Chuggo [77]
  26. Cunt cunt cunt cunt crap crap shit (rewrite of an in-joke standard)[78]
  27. Somewhere in Japan [79]
  28. United States Treasury [80]
  29. Category:Pictures with EugeneKay's green dong in them [81]
  30. UnBooks:The Dark and Stormy Night [82]
  31. Wilt Chamberlain (somewhat of a rewrite, big cleanup of ManiacNumbers's original) [83]
  32. Ekrpat [84]
  33. Tiny penis syndrome [85]
  34. HowTo:Save an awful article from deletion [86]
  35. HowTo:Recognize a dubstep song (with Dr. Skullthumper and Zombiebaron)

No Don't Look At These

  1. Disney Magic (my vewy first article. awwwwww!)
  2. Hyper Bole (second article. kind of... ehhhhhhhh)
  3. HowTo:Eat a Reese's (Abandoned)
  4. Enough for everybody (Abandoned) (Self-deleted during FFW)
  5. Flowers (never finished) (Deleted in a massive article purge)
  6. HowTo:Write a Bad Uncyclopedia Article (Didn't start it, but contributed a lot)
  7. SubZero (rewrote from VFD, did the best I could without making the original author mad)

Will Never Be Finished, Ever Ever

  1. 18th Century (Decadence jokes)

News and Shit

News

  1. UnNews:Scientists Make a Sheep/Human Hybrid, Beastiality Enthusiasts Pleased (Featured! Take that, Rogpyvbc!)
  2. UnNews:French tornadoes devestate US
  3. UnNews:Nelson Mandela dies at age 88 (Featured! Hah! Take that, EugeneKay, sorta!)
  4. UnNews:Word up! Barack Obama elected president!
    Dfanew

    My favorite band? Reeducation From Above 1917

  5. UnNews:J.P. Morgan CEO goes hunting, world's most expensive bear gets killed
  6. UnNews:Man sits at home playing Warcraft III, gets all the hot women
  7. UnNews:Man granted immortality speaks out: "Life's a bitch" (PLS failure)
  8. UnNews:Teen suicide baffles neighborhood and internet sites
  9. UnNews:Guy Gets Crazy
  10. UnNews:Slow News Day angers activists
  11. UnNews:Disco never died! (PLS failure)
  12. UnNews:Moss grows on stone
  13. UnNews:Crackpot confirms irrational suspicions after viewing online news piece (Featured! And really quickly, too.)
  14. UnNews:Osama Bin Laden dies
  15. UnNews:Whitey goes to Heaven (Quasi'd! But given its topicality, not likely to go all the way.)
  16. UnNews:The prodigal son returns
  17. UnNews:Famous sheep suffocates on own fleece
  18. UnNews:New York inches closer to legalizing interspecies marriage
  19. UnNews:Lil B dubbed new "Hardest Working Man in Show Business"
  20. UnNews:Obama comes out of the closet
  21. UnNews:CERN scientists discover strong evidence of Amelia Earheart

Shit

  1. UnNews:Man actually has a gun in his pocket, three dead
  2. UnNews:Fate thrusted upon man
  3. UnNews:Estonian Wiki Suffers Extensive Vandalism, Blames Russians
  4. UnNews:Estonians strike back at Russians, ban toll reaches thousands
  5. UnNews:Pope visits Brazilian drug "clinic"
  6. UnNews:Tragedy Strikes Texas
  7. UnNews:The election is finally over! Ron Paul disposes of other candidates in ironic ways, elects self president of America. Keen work, Ron!
  8. UnNews:Treacherous lies and slander from the Ron Paul base! Fear not, America is not yet dead, for a brave new silver knight will come forth in a flourish of Angels to save us from these desperate times! Hark, of course I refer to the one and only Mike Gravel!
  9. UnNews:Man kills neighbor's dog and takes a shit in its skull, is not raptured

Significant Others

  • Polishment, concept, references, conclusion to Al Gore (top 10 of 2009)
  • Polishment, concept, and some parts of Great Britain that I don't entirely remember. Most of the foreign relations parts, I think. Also the whole thing about India. The good parts.
  • Polishment, concept (noticing a pattern here) to Kosher Nostra. Wrote virtually none of it, actually, but Rabbi was nice enough to give me part credit on his userpage. Read the article. It's fantastic.
  • Polishment, concept, and most of the intro to God
  • Concept and spare parts to U2
  • The Legacy section in John Caldwell Calhoun
  • The "little differences" paragraph and the "preservation" quote in Dead Nigger Storage
  • Polishment, assorted lines and a picture caption in Heaven's Gate.
  • A bunch of emails in the Inbox (Top 10 of 2011)
  • A bunch of other shit I don't remember

Articles that aren't mine but are still probably worth your time

The Best Best

  • Fire Hydrant
    • Fire Hydrant. Just read it. Fire hydrant.
  • Martin Van Buren
    • Highly influential article for me, and also balls-to-the-floor hilarious with every line.
  • Heat death of the universe
    • Cajek found a formula and perfected it with this article. TLB, meanwhile, nails one 3-pointer after another. Best article of 2007
  • Being and Nothingness
    • It's like spanking your own ass and not even for fun.
  • Hot indiscriminate sex
    • That little scientist face scale kills me every time. Genius. Best article of 2008.
  • UnNews:Obama doodles random shit
    • Kingkitty's id runs away with this article. Obama doodles random shit, indeed. Best article of 2010.
  • The fact that you don't want a poodle
    • The only page my girlfriend at the time liked more than my own. Bitch. Best article of 2009.
  • Blind Lemon Kraftwerk
    • White men : The Blues :: Black men : Krautrock. And the best part is that it actually makes sense. The sharpest satire article on the whole site, perhaps.
  • New Hampshire Merchant Cat
    • That cat lying on the grass is probably the best use of a picture on the site. That is a racist cat if I've ever seen one. Plus, the article is hilarious.
  • Battle of Guadalcanal
    • A real blast from the past in 2011. The perfect blend of product placement and thrilling war story.
  • Armenian Genocide
    • I know several Turks in real life. Truth is more terrifying than fiction. This article speaks the terrifying truth in the most hilarious, over-the-top way possible. Best article of 2011.

The Best

Jokes, For Future Reference

  1. (Confucius meets Grandpa rape jokes)
  2. (Fast, Expensive, Deadly jokes)
  3. (Crummy Visual jokes)
  4. (Russian composer jokes)
  5. (Ouroboros meta-postmodern modernism Jokes)
  6. (Cereal jokes)
  7. (Blues footjokes)
  8. (Ridiculously crude name jokes)
  9. (Omar Dies jokes)
  10. (Starbucks jokes)
  11. (Sojourner Truth jokes)
  12. (Internal combustion jokes)
  13. (Aaron Carter Jokes)
  14. (Sex jokes)
  15. (The opposite of Antifreeze jokes)
  16. (Rock Jokes MK II)
  17. (Dwarf Jokes, some In Bruges jokes too)
  18. (Probability meets Suicide jokes)
  19. (Angry jazz jokes)
  20. (Rock jokes)
  21. (The Sun jokes, Nauru jokes, and Montana jokes coexist happily)
  22. (French House meets American History jokes)
  23. (Huck Finn jokes)
  24. (Jokes jokes)
  25. (Encyclopédie meets Entourage meets actual ED jokes (just keep reading, they'll show up eventually maybe))
  26. (Jews meet Stratego jokes)
  27. (Iggy Pop jokes)
  28. (Frank Zappa jokes)
  29. (Cool people jokes)
  30. (IDM and Pitchfork jokes)
  31. (Rick James jokes)
  32. (Jokes that will be irrelevant in two weeks)
  33. (Farts and Trannies jokes)
  34. (Anthropo(lice)morphism jokes)
  35. (Gradually increasing jokes)
  36. (English royalty meets Genetics jokes)
  37. (Fundamentalist jokes)
  38. (Pseudomath Jokes)
  39. (Japanese Game Show jokes}
  40. (Pauly Shore jokes)
  41. (Pillow jokes)
  42. (Deep jokes)
  43. (BWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH jokes)
  44. (Pam Grier jokes)
  45. (Skin graft jokes)
  46. (He Isn't Actually Blind jokes)
  47. (Historically accurate jokes on jokes)
  48. (Old people jokes)
  49. (Minimalist Rock Jokes)
  50. (MIMS jokes)
  51. (Andrew W.K. jokes)
  52. (joeks)
  53. (Rock over London jokes, Rock on Chicago jokes)
  54. (Estonian jokes)
  55. (El jokes-o)
  56. (WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB SKREEEEEEE jokes)
  57. (Sluts and Nickelback jokes)
  58. (Fish-fucking jokes)
  59. (Reverse jokes)
  60. (Indirectly Featured In-jokes)
  61. (Loser jokes)
  62. (Depressing jokes)
  63. (Kanye West jokes)
  64. (More reverse jokes)
  65. (Jethro Tull meets Harmonix jokes)
  66. (Frank Zappa jokes on jokes)
  67. (Dirty in-jokes)
  68. (Jokes for kids, by kid rappers)
  69. (Shoggoth jokes)
  70. (Alcoholism jokes)
  71. (African American social mobility jokes)
  72. (One-joke pony)
  73. (Sunshine lollipops and rainbows jokes)
  74. (Mismatched linguistic context jokes)
  75. (Spamalot jokes)
  76. (Sesame Street jokes)
  77. (Latent homosexuality in rap jokes)
  78. (Cunt, crap, and shit jokes)
  79. (Tsunami jokes)
  80. (Jew Gold jokes)
  81. (No jokes here move along)
  82. (Fan fiction jokes)
  83. (Sex and Basketball jokes)
  84. (Dvorak jokes)
  85. (Slightly-less-ridiculously crude name jokes)
  86. (Ironic In-jokes)
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