User:The fatgoat

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User goodthink U.W.P member.
Helper of needy, destroyer of ungood.


Trotsky, oh Leon Trotsky, you have a sexy face!”
~ The fatgoat on Leon Trotsky
“The fatgoat blames the Jews.”
~ The fatgoat on the World's Problems

The fatgoat is a species of goat that, quite obviously, is fat. It is very fond of Pink Floyd, Queen, Black Sabbath, and Led Zeppelin. In politics, it tends to be very, very, very communist, though it is often paranoid that Stalin wouldn't be a very good leader if he took over the Soviet Union. In fact, it very much is paranoid of all governments, thus it tends (and wants) to be Anarchy too.

edit Social Reputation

Socially, the fatgoat is known as a creepy bastard, especially amongst women. Due to this, it has a bad habit of being unable to obtain a girlfriend of any sorts. Even so, the fatgoat does not wish for a girlfriend because its love is indeed very much afraid of it, evidentally because it has a nasty habit of staring at said girl, as well as following her. As such, the girl has threatened legal action, in addition to a restraining order. Still, the fatgoat likes to remain optimistic that perhaps it is all just a terrible misunderstanding. And that she won't press charges.

In its most hick-like move yet, the fatgoat is currently attempting to forego the past events by courting the twelve-year old cousin of its half-sister. The fatgoat swears, however, that it thought upon meeting her that she was 18. However, it acknowledges that this is still creepy as hell. In its defense, it is very desperate, and this is, for the most part, legal.

As it turns out, however, that is not legal, and, as it later found, neither is following a woman who has filed a restraining order against it, nor sending that woman flowers and, perhaps, a threatening psychotic letter written in its own blood (it will note that this is a long story, and is not quite as terrifyingly creepy as it seems).

In college, the fatgoat now lives as a recluse, confining itself primarily within its roommate-less dormitory and only venturing out for the purchase of necessary supplies and for class. It shies away from all human contact, and will spend entire days completely devoid of even the most basic of social interactions. Because it thus has no life, it mostly plays World of Warcraft, where it is a Blood Elf paladin.

edit Diet

The fatgoat's diet consists primarily of BACON, Waffles, Cheese, BACON, Cereal, sometimes Fruit, Jews (when feeling anti-Semitic), and more BACON. Its diet does not include kitty, however, as women aren't willing to stay with it for that long. Yes, I admit that was an awful pun. Normally, the fatgoat would write better, but the fatgoat currently could care less how unfunny and dirty its comments are, and it especially could care less how unfunny and dirty its comments are to the reader. This apathy is caused in part by: A) the fatgoat's shortage of ideas for random silliness, and B) the lack of ideas for incorporating random silliness into this page. The fatgoat means seriously, has the reader ever tried to write something about themself in the style of a funny Uncyclopedia article, but given up because it's too damn much work for a lazy, uninteresting person to do over the weekend? The fatgoat has. In fact, the previous sentence describes the history of this article. Well, not the previous, but the one before. The fatgoat means, the sentence before the sentence before the sentence before. No! The sentence before the sentence before the sentence before the sentence before the sentence before the sentence before the sentence befo — oh Hell.

edit Music

The fatgoat, like other large mammals, plays in an orchestra, as well as the elite wind ensemble at its school, which has just recently performed at Carnegie Hall (the wind ensemble, not the school, nor even the orchestra for that matter). It plays first horn in the wind ensemble, but fourth horn in the orchestra because the conductor is a Jew who has quite a grudge on land mammals, particularly fatgoats.

But now, the fatgoat shall be playing first horn because all the other horns are graduated (cylinders lololol). Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony is on the main program. And yet, although Jew-conductor might have gotten over grudge of fatgoats, unless he grudges against twins, the fatgoat shall return as third, and Tchaikovsky will be unhappy (as if he ever was happy).

edit Enjoys Making Fun Of

The following are some of the things the fatgoat enjoys to make fun of:

edit Random Math

Find X

edit Diseases Afflicted With

Over time, the fatgoat has been a magnet for diseases. This is a list of each and every single disease the fatgoat has been known to have had:

edit A Single Picture

Hindemith disaster

The famous photograph of Paul Hindemith taken as he exploded over Lakewurst, New Jersey on May 6, 1937.

edit Another Single Picture


The ROFLWAFFLE depicted in an ancient cave painting.

edit BACON


A classic piece of BACONist literature.


Sir Francis BACON. Clearly, he loves BACON.

Mussolini bacon lasereyes

Benito Mussolini uses his evil Fascist powers to destroy BACON.

edit Articles

There could just be a simple list of articles here. However, the fatgoat has a fondness for tables, so there shall be no "bullet" list.

Articles the fatgoat has Created or Rewritten
Name Rating Status Created by the fatgoat? VFH
ROFLWAFFLES 3.5 Might as well be done. Yes. Not yet.
Tristan und Isolde 0 (It's shit) Stinking up the place. Yes. Of course not!
HowTo:Kill a Mockingbird 3 Done, the fatgoat guesses. More or less. Hell no.
Adolf Hilter 4.5 Done. Yes. The fatgoat wishes. Nominated and defeated in two days.
Template:BACON Who cares? Done. Yes. Can the fatgoat?
Leonard Bernstein 4 Mostly done. Yes. Not reviewed.
Template:NSGWP 3 Done. Yes. The fatgoat doesn't think one can nominate templates.
BACON \infty^2 Done. The fatgoat thinks. Might as well have been. The fatgoat wants it to be. Might not though because it's very long.
World War XVII 3 The fatgoat doesn't care much for it anymore. No, as the fatgoat am not Bat Fuck Insane enough have written it. Too nuts and no pics. In addition, the article is now TOAST! And not the awesome kind which one, at times or typically all the time, will spread butter; and perhaps, when the occasion calls for it or personal preference dictates, on which one will spread jam of the fruit (or, god forbid, vegetable--BLEEECH!) of one's choosing or liking. So it goes...
Unicellular Organisms 1. And that's generous. Rotting. Yes. It's not even worthy of life.
Jaundice 3.5, if you've read Catch-22. Otherwise, 2.5 Being built. Yes. Not finished.
Death camps Extremely offensive. Pretty much finished. Yes. Oh yes. Too offensive and not enough pics.
Woodrow Wilson 4 More or less done. No. Rather big rewrite though.
Paul Hindemith 4-ish Almost done. Yes. Needs more zeppelin.
Canon Too dull. The fatgoat doesn't like it much. Meh. Yes. No.
Anglo-Zanzibar War Decent. Pretty much done. Yes. Not yet.
Arnold Schoenberg 4.5 More or less done. No. Complete rewrite though.
Template:Modern Composers Meh. Done. Yes. Nope.
The Idiot 3.5 Done. Yes. Nah.
The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster of Galactic Sidereal Year 03758 3.5 Might need some work. Yes. It was a requested article though. If the title doesn't kill everyone.
Crime and Punishment 3 Meh. Yes. The fatgoat tires of answering this
Fyodor Dostoevsky 4 Meh. Almost complete rewrite The fatgoat tires of answering this
Lemon curry 3.5 Liquid. Yes. Maybe too random...

The fatgoat has rethought the idea of the table and has realized that it is too damned much work. Instead, the fatgoat shall like you to enjoy this nice bullet list.

edit Stuff which the fatgoat doesn't want to go through the trouble of putting in the nice little table above, but still wrote (or in some cases, rewrote) nevertheless

edit Stuff The Fatgoat Has Worked On Some

For those who like bullet lists, the fatgoat has used one for this section.

edit In Progress and Subpages

edit Ideas of The fatgoat Which Have Become Featured Articles (Despite The fatgoat Having Not Written the Article)

edit Ideas of The fatgoat Which The fatgoat Hopes Will Become Articles Someday

edit Awards Received

Thumbs up2

This user created The Great Collapsing Hrung Disaster, an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested Articles. Good for them us!
(If awarding yourself please update the award statistics)


The fatgoat bets you weren't expecting that to happen.

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