Who? Never Heard of Him.
I'm still here. Real life got some bullshit thrown at it, and now my internet has turned into molasses circa the winter of '82. Hopefully it stops that soonish.
“after a few hundred pages the story just melds into a big blob of nothingness spiced with chagrin.”
“Now, I know some of you, mostly the guys, might think it’s cool to stand up in church, whip out your wang, wiggle it around like a jiggleworm, and give it a couple whaps to your old mom’s cheek, making a sweet echo effect across the pews.”
“but I prefer to help the world along a path of change, not force change down the throats of others. I never force it. However, if someone was to ask for a little change down their throat, I would be willing and able to push it deep, deep down. Mmmmmm...”
“Frankly, forty minutes is too long to microwave almost anything. Maybe if you were trying to cook a turkey in there; I don't know. I've never tried.”
edit Nursery Rhymes & Quick Jokes
edit My Articles
- Thou - Featured Article 07/02/2008 Top 3 article of July 2008
- UnBooks:A Story, About a Man, that Comes to an Eventual Conclusion - Featured Article 07/14/2008
- Awkward Conversation - Featured Article 07/23/2008
- UnNews:Jesse Jackson endorses McCain; Obama's lead skyrockets - Solid, not great.
- A friendly message from the supporters of John McCain - Increditastic!
- Addition (rewrite) - Rewrite of earlier deleted article. - Fantastical
- UnNews:My country is better than your whole fucking continent! - Boo Europe!
- UnNews:Bad economy forces terrorists to change tactics - Better in concept than in execution.
- I just thought up a really good idea for an article, but now I can't remember it. - Awesome.
- UnBooks:Michael Phelps Makes Me Sick - This is the article that I am most proud of. Featured UnBook. Featured Article 07/26/2009
- Forest Whitaker's Lazy Eye - Awe-Mazing
- UnBooks:The Autobiography of Jesus of Nazareth - Featured Article 07/03/2009
- UnNews:KISS ruins high school graduation - With Todd
- 2000 - The new millennium. It lasted 1 year.
- 2006 - Seriously, February 2006 sucked.
- UnNews:My thirteen colonies are better than your entire grand empire - Boo British Empire!
- James Carville (rewrite) - Might as well put this up here until it gets deleted.
- Martin Luther King Jr.- Try writing anything bad about this guy. It's impossible. Featured Article 03/02/2011
- UnNews:Living creatures found to be bad for other living creatures - People are idiots. 6 months of rust or so... and it shows.
- That time I nearly got an article featured by the community during my sojourn in Uncyclopedia - No, seriously, it nearly got featured.
- Lynx (Character) - Extremely convoluted, or your money back!!! QFA
- UnBooks:Choose Your Own Adventure:One Ordinary Day - And it only took me 7 1/2 months!!! Featured Article 08/15/2010
- Conrack - Yay! I wrote something again!
- UnNews:China adopts controversial new "Having Girls is for Fags" policy - I.... uh.... *shrugs*
- Saturn is a Lying Bitch - 2nd Best Article Spring 2012 PLS Featured Article 07/06/2012 Top 3 article of July 2012
- Professor X - Deep, deep down. Mmmmm..... Featured Article 08/08/2012
edit Concepts, Templates, Random BS
- User:The Woodburninator/List of Uncyclopedians I like
- User:The Woodburninator/List of Uncyclopedians I can't stand
- UnNews:YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL, DAD! - Written in an hour or so. I dislike it, but it was kept, so there you go.
edit A High Five to These Articles
- Talk:Sania Mirza - Always and forever.
- UnNews:Hey America! Fuck you, too!
- Sania Mirza: A Riposte
- Vandalism Done Right.- Show the continent of America who is boss, my vandalizing friend.
- Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/L33T Nonsense (v2) - Cajek FTW.
- Old School Don't vote for my dog! Call me crazy, but I like this version better.
- My favorite talk page post ever. Left on Ape's talk page. Thank you Sunbeam!
edit Images I Worked On
- Monkey Olympics!!! - purposely bad.
- John McCain loves bunnies.
- Barack Obama does not!
- Sexy MSPainting it up.
- Maid in China
- If you don't get it...
- Hagia Sophia!
- 5th Year Uncycloversary Logo.
- The Half Blood Prince.