User:The Woodburninator/Archive4

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Sure, President Obama isn't a Muslim. But he could be.
For some reason Youtube deleted this, and now the only place to find it is ebaums. Whatever. It's still awesome.

edit So I'm not supposed to

say red tape, reshape, or round shape? Why not? MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 17:11, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

I'm commonly called a round shape. And tied up with red tape. They are offensive to my psyche. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:20, September 2, 2010 (UTC)
Eating crap carp can help you reshape your round shape thereby making getting bound by red tape much more enjoyable. MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 17:23, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

edit UFFL 2010 Kickoff

The draft is over, the NFL regular season begins Thursday September 9th, and everyone is geared up and ready to play some fantasy football(!).

This season promises to thrill and intrigue, and as the Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League has grown from just eight all the way to 14 teams, each one vying for a shot at the championship, except maybe Neox's team. With all this excitement, however, comes questions. Will Rush and Kick FTW, the UFFL's first team based in Britain, be able to compete with the league's American teams? Will Cheddar's rebuilt Doritorians be able to play at the same high level as last year now that their roster is down from 50% Eagles players to just 30%? Will evil Nazi overlord and reigning league Champion Guildensternenstein be able to defend his league championship now that Top-3 players at the quarterback, running back, wide receiver and tight end positions didn't fall into his lap this year? Only brutal, primal, visceral, cerebral combat on the fields of Yahoo!'s fantasy football league servers can determine these questions.

That all being said, everyone should take note of two things:

  • this is a link to the league--go here to do stuff, like select a starting roster (which, believe it or not, is important).
  • this is the forum where we'll talk about the league and post banal sports banter (which, believe it or not, is even more important).

Good luck, gentleman. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:05, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

edit It is, I believe, on

If I am correct, it would appear that your fine bunch of chaps are to meet my fine bunch of chaps in combat of a sporting nature. And it seems that several of my top-line picks are nursing niggles and are therefore unlikely to feature. However, taking all of this into account, and factoring in my still near-total lack of knowledge and understanding of the sport, I should like to take this opportunity to inform you that you, sir, are going down. --UU - natter UU Manhole 14:47, Sep 8

No, sir. I believe you, and your ragtag band of silly-named naysayers will be the ones going down this fair weekend. And I will stand triumphant. Like a fox. Or a gas company following an oil spill. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 14:31, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
Well now, it would seem that we have a slight difference of opinion. Possibly leading to an impasse. This is not a tolerable state of affairs to me. Therefore, it would seem that the only thing for you to do is to bring it, bitch. --UU - natter UU Manhole 15:05, Sep 10
I will bring it in the same way that I brought it to your mother last night. With love, and affection. And a vase of roses. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:59, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

edit Jamaal Charles

I think Charles fits the description of a "half-decent running back"--what would you be willing to give up for him? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:04, September 21, 2010 (UTC)

He would be considered that, I believe. Well, I am not planning on trading Johnson or Moss at the moment, but any other player is up for grabs really.... Hmmm, this is a tough one. Johnny Knox, Mike Wallace, Legedu Naanee? Hmmm... Look over my team. Any thoughts? Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:05, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
Hmmm, I'll send you something. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:24, September 22, 2010 (UTC)
Actually, never mind, I made a trade with Iwillkillyou that alleviated my receiver situation. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:14, September 23, 2010 (UTC)
Siento. I was mulling things over, and probably would have made the trade, but... well, you did the right thing by taking the trade you did. Smart man. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:49, September 23, 2010 (UTC)

edit Really?

And here I was looking up to you and such. Oh woody, I thought you were so manly! ~Jewriken.GIF 19:32, September 21, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed. It is pretty crazy, although, I've mainly been writing UnBooks anyway. But, as always, I would think my Go-Gettem' attitude is winning me friends left and right. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:07, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
That and your tight buns. ~Jewriken.GIF 22:51, September 21, 2010 (UTC)
My masseuse told me he would work that out. Damn. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:52, September 21, 2010 (UTC)


THANK YOU for fucking voting me the motherfucking writer of the month!!!1 You rule!!!1 Fuck yeah!!!1 !!!!! It's Mrthejazz... a case not yet solved. 04:13, October 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit HI

Can you adopt me as a noob? I am about as bad at being funny as Krillin is at fighting. User:Sarbriel/sig

edit Jack Dempsey thanks you


Uncyclopedia vs. Wikipedia --- and much thanks for making Jack a hit on VFH – from humble servants of the farce, Aleister and Funnybony

--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 22:01, Oct 6

edit Joe Flacco

So I noticed you've got Joey on the trade block. I'd be interested in taking him off your hands (you know, just in case Rodgers decides to get concussed again), provided the price is right. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:07, October 21, 2010 (UTC)

Well, like I said, I am open to it. I can't promise I will trade him away, but if the price is right, he could be had. He's been hot the last 4 weeks or so. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 17:10, October 21, 2010 (UTC)
Hmm, would you give him up for Michael Bush? I know you've got five RBs already, but Tolbert, Stewart and Moreno are all but nonexistent in their teams offenses, Hillis has the returning Harrison to contend with, and Benson has been a bit disappointing. It's probably not totally fair, but you'll probably get more use out of Bush than I'll either of us will get out of Flacco, especially if MacFadden tears his other other hamstring (which is pretty likely, if you ask me). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:59, October 21, 2010 (UTC)
So your trade caught me in the middle of not being on the internet for a few days, on account of my birthday and dog-sitting a massive bull mastiff in my apartment. I apologize. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:52, October 26, 2010 (UTC)
No big deal Woody. As it so happens, my interest in snagging Flacco has waned. I'd still be willing to take him off your hands, though. Make me an offer if you want. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:54, October 29, 2010 (UTC)
I did enjoy that you offered me Bush, then immediately dropped him. Well done. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 15:47, October 29, 2010 (UTC)
Hah, yeah. I thought Bush would have a bit more long-term value, but I guess not now that McFadden's back and tearing shit up. Would you like any of my potentially-useful backups, though? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:21, October 29, 2010 (UTC)
Actually, never mind, Matt Stafford was one waivers (and has been for over a week) and I didn't even realize. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:25, October 29, 2010 (UTC)

edit Sincere thanks


WOTM is the heaviest award ever - just see.

--Funnybony Icons-flag-th Agnideva-small.jpg AGT-logo-small.jpg 14:22, Nov 1

edit The Grue Army

Hey The Woodburninator, Meganew and I were wondering, if you would like to join the grue army. If so just write back here or on my talk page and Meganew or I will add you. You can click all the links at the top of that page to read all about us. Or go here. Lastly, I know you don't really like userboxes but we do have this really cool one you get if you join:

Template Deleted

--Tophat headless 02:16, November 16, 2010 (UTC)

edit You know what's fucked up?

You haven't won the Writer of the Month thing yet. That's very fucked up, and I only realized you haven't won by looking at the list. Must be rectified. I've already nommed and voted for SPIKE this month, or else would have run over there right now. And Maniac1075, as well as Lyrt, the four of you are WotM in my brainpan. Aleister 18:48 3 12

*shrugs* Perhaps. But I don't mind too much. I just enjoy being able to write when I feel funny. Which does actually happen every few months. Whether or not I am actually any funny.... :) Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 18:55, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
Ah, damn it. I mean, to answer your question, "Your stupid face!" lollolololllol!!!! Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 18:56, December 3, 2010 (UTC)
Correct answer, (makes me cry, for my old mum used to say the same thing to me). So youse humble, huh. A humble man eatin' ye humble pie. wotm thing, dust a spot on your shelf. Aleister 19:03 3 12
Do you think that if I had a working shelf, I would be anywhere near this rotten place? Thanks for shoving that in my face ya jerk. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 19:13, December 3, 2010 (UTC)

edit Your 3rd place template

Congrats on another solid season, Woody. Here's your template, which is named after a guy and a game I didn't know existed until yesterday:

Congratulations. All of the other awards/results are posted here. Thanks for playing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:15, December 30, 2010 (UTC)

edit And more congratulations

Congrats on your engagement. Mrs. Woodburinator will be happy to meet all of your friends here, as we come shuffling and squeaking and pushing our way into your wedding ceremony and reception, all dressed like miners and clowns and people riding by in balloons with gorilla heads on top of ballerina bodies. Yay, and good luck and fair sailing. Aleister 00:34 4 1 '11

Engaged? It's the first step on a slippery slope my friend... Congratulations! --UU - natter UU Manhole 12:22, Jan 4
Yeah, congrats. I fell in love with a poster once. I know how it feels. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 12:24, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
The last time I was on a slippery slope, I ended up getting a blue ribbon and two half-dead chickens. Oh man, and the after-party. That was the night I found out that two half-dead chickens do not equal 1 live chicken and one dead chicken. And so did the children at that orphanage. But that's a story for another night, for another time. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:35, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
No, but seriously. Thanks. We've been dating for 5 years throughout college and whatnot, so now that we both graduated it was kind of just waiting to happen. I am pretty psyched about it. You guys are all invited. Now, your mission is to find out who I am, where I live, and where I am getting married. Go. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:37, January 4, 2011 (UTC)
Quick, someone get a wikia staffer. Finally, they'll be useful for something. Explode fire Explode fireNeon Green Hammer And Sickle - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBExplode fireCUNExplode fireVFHExplode fireWhoringExplode fireMore Whoring Explode fireat23:06, Tuesday 04 January 2011 - Neon Green Hammer And SickleExplode fireExplode fire

edit thingy

Writer of the month Writer of the Month January 2011

And a belated congratulations on the engagement, dude! --Roman Dog Bird 03:01, February 1, 2011 (UTC)

Sweet. And thankie! I'm pretty excited about it as well! Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 16:45, February 1, 2011 (UTC)

edit Congratulations

You won WotM! I wrote the announcement! Cheers! Zimbuddha Rev. Zim (Talk) Get saved! 22:59, February 6, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, cool. I forgot they did that thing. Thanks. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 21:41, February 7, 2011 (UTC)

edit Talkpage Drought Has Ended

The end of the drought. Water appears. FRESH WATER! --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 20:26, 16 May 2011

So it ends. And yet, it shall begin again. I mean, unless I actually have time to edit more... in which case, perhaps it might not begin again yet. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 04:53, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
Aha! I end it again! --Purple mini lolly Lollipop Purple mini lolly - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:38, 26 June 2011

edit Fantasy Football 2011

It's back! Go here and sign up.Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:08, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

edit Maaaaaaaaaaan

Editing Uncyclopedia is never about caring or pretending to care. If you ever do something so small as think of anything funny to say, don't hesitate to stop by.

Also, the last time you quit, you got engaged. Does that mean you're having a kid now or something? --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 04:03, July 24, 2011 (UTC)

edit The Draft

Hey Woody, I made the forum topic, and you're on the clock as of 00:01 August 1st Uncyclopedia time. If you still want to deal that pick, you've got within your 24 hour pick limit to do it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:18, July 31, 2011 (UTC)

If anyone, I think Cheddar would be the most likely to trade, as having the #1 pick would assure him of getting Mike Vick (he being the ultimate Eagles fan and everything). Just a thought. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:19, July 31, 2011 (UTC)
I see you're shopping that pick around. For the record, if you need a little extra time to get a deal done, it's no big deal, I'm not going to be "that guy" and be a jerk about it. Additionally, I feel kind of bad for unwittingly putting you in this position. Hope you find a taker (and, honestly, I don't see why you wouldn't, I'd imagine Neox and Lollipop are rather indifferent to their draft position anyway). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:11, August 1, 2011 (UTC)
Thanks Guildy. You're fine. It is a fair system. I'm just trying to get back to the 4 to 6 range. If no one answers me by... let's say 9 or so tonight, I'll just go ahead and make the pick. Sorry for the delay. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 22:15, August 1, 2011 (UTC)
I could do it. I'll pick some random people anyway. All I need is someone to show me how and where I should post my draft. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:58, 1 August 2011
Done and Done. Socky, the first pick is yours. You will have all of my spots, and I will get all of yours. Just go here to make your pick. If you want a little help picking, Guildy has put a helpful board of some random guy's recommendations here. It should help you out tremendously. Thanks for the trade! Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 23:05, August 1, 2011 (UTC)
You're welcome. So, we pick one person at a time, right? Does it matter if the only player position I'm familiar with is quarterback? Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 23:10, 1 August 2011
One at a time, it is your turn whenever the person in front of you has gone. And since you have no one in front of you, it is your turn. And.... probably not really. That recommendations page is pretty helpful. Last year UU played without knowing a thing about the sport, and finished with a winning record. So, just be smart/lucky with your picks, and you'll be fine. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 23:14, August 1, 2011 (UTC)

edit Request

I'm going to be gone this evening, so I'm going to ask you to pick for me in the interest of getting this bitch going. Seeing as I expect Lollipop to take Chris Johnson and you to take Aaron Rodgers (the reason, I suspect, you wanted to move back to where you did), I'd like it if you were to select McCoy, LeSean (RB - Eagles) for me. If he's gone, give me the highest skill position guy, but not Michael Turner. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:20, August 3, 2011 (UTC)

Actually, make that Mendenhall, Rashard (RB - Steelers) when the time comes. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:35, August 5, 2011 (UTC)

edit Your Turn

Lollipop/Whomever takes Lollipop's place has been auto-picked for, so go in and make your pick, give me Rashard Mendenhall, and then alert DrStrange that it's his pick. Let's get this thing rolling again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:21, August 5, 2011 (UTC)

edit Again

You're up. Feel free to autopick for Lollipop/"The Orphans" too. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:08, August 9, 2011 (UTC)

edit And Again

You know what to do. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:49, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

edit Once More

Yep. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:29, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

edit It's all you, baby

You should pick Favre. I understand he's coming back this year. I mean, he hasn't admitted it, yet, but it's still the preseason. He doesn't do preseason.--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 23:19, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

You're up again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:21, August 18, 2011 (UTC)
And again. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:44, 22 August 2011

You're turn Wood - LuckDragn

Up, you are. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:14, August 26, 2011 (UTC)

Your Burn - LuckDragn

You're up. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:50, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Ewe Return - LuckDragn

You've only got 5 hours left! Upgrade to Uncyclopedia Fantasy Football League Pro for just $14 trillion Today for a 12-hour extension!--<<Bradmonogram.png>> 03:47, September 3, 2011 (UTC)
Up again. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:12, September 3, 2011 (UTC)
Time to BURN BABY BURN!.....or just pick--DRStrangesig5 Sherman Fingertalk  12:32, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
It's you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:16, September 6, 2011 (UTC)

edit For Aaron Rodgers

Tell me just what you want. This is Aimsplode, of course, even though I've been banned for two months, I'm still on here. How? Well...we'll just say I know how to work with proxies. You can either tell me here, tell me on the YFF page, or send me an email.


Grue Jammy Icons-flag-pi !!!~High General Aimsplode~!!! Icons-flag-nazi2 Grue Jammy (This is where you piss me off. boom!! headshot....) Icons-flag-us 16:41, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

edit Matt Stafford

What do you want for him? I've got some depth at runningback, but evidently you didn't like my QB RB for QB RB suggestion from before. If the price is right, though, I'd be interested. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:40, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

I might be interested in a trade too. Though I'm possibly more interested in Aaron Rodgers than Matthew Stafford. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:45, 21 October 2011
Sorry guys, haven't been checking this every day. I'll take a look at some trades in the next day or two, and get back to you. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 21:53, October 27, 2011 (UTC)

edit Yo!

I saw you. Don't think you are getting away that easy. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 18:32, Feb 15

edit Hello!!

I've added to the Martin Luther King page and put in much more of the direction that it was Bill O'Reilly narrating. Added to the lede graphs to make it as accurate as possible at the start...and then, we got it featured! Yay! A template for you, sir, and thanks for putting the page together from the start. Aleister 13:56 1-3-'12

with Aleister

edit Your PLS article(s) have been judged and unprotected

Congratulations, participant! Mainspace 'em at your own leisure. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 23:44, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Ya done fucked up! You want me to move it to "Saturn is a Bitch," its working PLS title, or the more plaintive and suspicious "Saturn," which I think has the element of surprise? Also how the fuck is your name still on the page? Someone did done really fucked up!!!! Anyway I think it was a cache problem and I think I fixed it. It's back at Saturn is a Lying Bitch without your name, and I've grown to love the title. Also if you think it's done already, if you don't wanna add more stuff or something, it could also be on VFH very soon. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 04:25, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
Yeah... that was my bad. I have absolutely no idea what I did, how it happened, or how to fix it. I'd offer you something for your effort but, well, do you really trust me to follow through with it? That being said, I hesitated to put it as plain old Saturn so to not step on any toes, so I will leave it up to you. I am fine with it being either a Saturn rewrite, or stay as Saturn is a Lying Bitch. Either/or. As for if I am done with it or not, I can't say. I'm still editing the shit I wrote 3 years ago... I would say I'm done enough with it. There could be more. There could be less. There could be rambling from a bored asshole who supposedly retired a year or so ago. Who knows. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 04:36, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
Whatever you say, boss. Just quit rambling already, gee. --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 04:49, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
Never gunna happen, guy. Never gunna happen. I was thinking of putting that skill to good use and write Beating the Dead Horse. If an article has ever yearned to be written in a rambling way, it may be that one. Possibly one or two others, but probably that one. Woody On Fire! Wood burningTalking Woody Stalking Woody 04:55, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
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