User:The Thinker

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Writer of the Year Award  Writer of the Year 2007    


Try some, won't you?
Proud Sales Consultant for eNO Technologies



Pyrite Medalist, Drunk Olympics 2012



THINKER
A Bold New Vision for Tomorrow



GUN.png
Grand Cross of the Order
CHECK OUT MY JEWELS!
MARVEL AT MY SUB-PAR PHOTOCHOPS!


THINKER's Current Recommended Reading:



Interpretive Death

Hello, I'm The Thinker. You might be here because my work has particularly entertained or interested you. If so, I applaud you, and thank you for the appreciation. Conversely, there is an even stronger possibility that you're here because my work has confused or offended you and your sensibilities. There are an infinite number of reasons why this could be so, but here are a few of the more common problems some people face:

  • You don't know that I'm joking - Trust me, most of the things I say on this website are not meant to be taken seriously. Go elsewhere for seriosity. From me, expect that if it sounds strange, I'm probably making a joke that, for some reason (possibly the ones listed here), you are not getting.
  • You are missing the subtlety - Most of my work has a satirical nature beyond it's face value (ie. Folgers Crystals is a spoof on marketing which employs old-timey western sentimentality into it's sales pitch, rather than being a spoof on just Folgers Crystals specifically). This is what I call "Mission Hill Syndrome," in that you really have to be on the same wavelength to understand such humor. There is no remedy for this; generally, you either get it, or you don't.
  • You are unfamiliar with the subject - You probably aren't much like me, and as such may not be familiar with my writing style, my sense of humor, and some of the subjects I choose to incorporate into my works (especially off-beat culture references, generally regarding music, films, and television shows). I find humor in many things that may puzzle you (and because of this, I have an innate ability to halt IRC conversations).
  • You don't like big words - An extensive vocabulary and Mozilla's built-in spell-checker both afford me the opportunity to flood Uncyclopedia with complex wording and sentence structures. These help me properly convey the satirical style I prefer in my writing. They also might offend your sensibilities.

...if you can think of any other reasons why you don't like my work, feel free to let me know!

[edit] In Case of Emergency, the Following Articles Shall Deploy

Original Articles; Honored first, ordered by personal preference thereafter.

Original Collaborations

[edit] All the News UnFit to Print

Original Articles; Ordered chronologically.

[edit] Articles I Helped Birth into Glory

Articles which bear a significant amount of my work, but are not 100% original; Honored first, ordered by personal preference thereafter.

[edit] Workinonit & Adoption

Workinonit
Works in progress; Ordered by likeliness to get eaten by rabid wildebeest.

Articles I Might Adopt
Articles I may or may not work on, at some point in the future; Ordered by priority.

[edit] Great Moments in THINKERdom

<Thinkerer> you cannot best thinker, not verbally.
<Thinkerer>  ;)
<Nescirian> OH NOES!
|<-- Nescirian has left irc.freenode.net ("pwnt")
<RAHB> hah
<Thinkerer> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
<RAHB> hahahahaha
(Greatest moment of my life.)

THINKER (9:14:20 PM): im working on perfecting my holier than thou gaffaw.
Some Girl (9:14:41 PM): looks like you're already quite good at it
THINKER (9:14:57 PM): so you did read my articles!
(She actually hadn't though.)

[00:22] <Karohalva> I only write things worth writing, and Uncyc has all the truly funny topics covered.
[00:22] <Thinkerer> i know. most of the funny articles on the site were written by me.
(I love how I can't be bothered to use proper capitalization and still say outlandish shit like this.)

THINKER (3:07:16 AM): you really want to be mrs. THINKER?
Zana Dark (3:08:30 AM): sure, why not
Zana Dark (3:08:51 AM): you're WOTY
(Fuck Yes I am.)

the_big_lebowski_jesus.jpg
Let me tell you something, pendejo.
You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

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