User:The Jeff Killer/The Jeff Killer's Trip to Aberdeen
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This is the story of my trip to Aberdeen, South Dakota, for a jazz band festival. It is 100% true what you read below.
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We went to Aberdeen, South Dakota, for a jazz band trip. Because fate always conspires against me, I had to room with Jeff (whom, two years earlier, on the same trip, gave me the name you see today). So, we got there after 5 hours of driving, and then our teacher decided to go have us practice at the local collage for 3 hours. Such a pain. Anyway, after we got done, we went to Wal-Mart to pick up some supplies for the night (my room, of course, buying a bag of 120 pizza bites, and 2 12-packs of Coke). So, when we got back, Jeff decided to break in the room by breakin' me in half, and thus I spent the next half an hour fighting. After that got out of his system, we all settled down and played a game of poker. We played with dime-antes, and I ended up winning a buck or two. Kinda boring day so far, but it got a whole lot weirder after that. After we all 5 ate the 120 pizza bites (which took less than 20 minutes), Jeff decided that he'd wash it all down by shotgunning 3 Cokes (which is where you punch a small hole in the bottom, put your lips over it, so there's suction, face it right-side-up, and pull the cap, essentially jet propelling the Coke into your mouth. You can probably figure out how that went. Next, now that Jeff was as hyper as a five-year-old, he decided to mess with me some more, and locked my pajamas in the room's safe. So, I chased after him for 5 minutes trying to get the key back, and obviously I didn't get it. So, they made a deal with me: take off your shirt (since that would put me in nothing but my underwear and socks), and stand in front of the bathroom door to wait for the kid taking a shower to come out, and then you'll get your PJ's back. So, I did, and he came out a minute later, making a face that looked like he had just eaten a bottle of horseradish sauce, and said "Oh JEEZ!" They all got a kick out of it, and I got my pants back, so everyone won except for my dignity. Anyway, we spent our last waking moments watching a VH-1 special on vibrators (and I do mean those kind of vibrators), which wasn't my idea, and after it was over, we turned out the lights. But, that wasn't the end of it all. Not by a long shot. Thankfully, I didn't have to sleep with Jeff this time, instead sleeping with a semi-midghet kid oddly named Cord. After a while, Jeff decided that he'd make farting noises and piss everyone off. I couldn't take it any more after about 15 minutes, and threw the names and phone numbers of Aberdeen's 20,000 residents at him. He obviously retaliated, and decided to throw it at the person next to do so. This, of course, started a big fight that lasted 'till 1 A.M. or so, and afterwards we all actually got some sleep. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of Tyler (another roommate) saying "Oh my God!" at the huge log that Jeff left in the toilet the previous night. Fantastic way to start the day. I took this as an opportunity to steal one of Tyler's donuts and feign sleep as I ate it. One I was almost done with it, I got up, and was asked by Tyler, "What are you eating?". I simply replied, "Donut", and went to take a shower. About 20 minutes into my shower, Jeff decided it'd be funny to turn the bathroom lights off on me. So, I just took a shower in the darkness for a half-an-hour (quite relaxing, actually), and got out. Once I was dressed in my suit shirt and dress pants, I laid down on the bed and watched a History Channel sepecial on the dominant Aryan race. About 30 minutes later, Cord decides to attack me, and I spend the next half-an-hour trying not to hurt both my suyt and Cord. Once he ws done, I laid back down, and Jeff came over, threw one punch, and tore my shirt pocket. Damn it, he is stupid. After we got a girl to repair it somewhat, we played another game of poker, where I both tripled my winnings and lost everything within 10 minutes. After that "fun" game was over, we set out to the collage to perform. Once we were here, we unloaded, and went to watch the other bands play. I'd have thought that since black people invented jazz, there'd be some bands with black people in them, but there weren't. So, once the all-white jazz bands were done sucking, err, playing, we performed, and kicked ass. We got 1st place in our division, best soloist (Tom, whose image inspired this), best saxophone section (my section), and best trombone section. Next, we listened to the collage's jazz band (which, amazingly, had a black person on the bass). Once they were done we finally embarked on our much anticpated food stop. We went to Wendy's to eat, and were served by some woman that looked like a child of satan. Anyway, after we were done, we disembarked on our 5 hour trip home. I had to share the back seat with Jeff, and woke up several times because he was laying on me, and his fuzzy head was giving my face a rash. So, at about midnight, I gave up trying to sleep, punched Jeff in the gut (so he'd scoot the hell over), and silently listened to Mozart with my band teacher, who was driving. Once we got home (at about 2 A.M.), I called for a ride, and came home. The end.