UnNews:Israeli frisbee lands in Gaza Strip
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
16 July 2007
|This news story is currently being recorded as an audio file by Mordillo.|
|Sayeth Mordillo: "Hold on... this one's mine!"|
TEL AVIV, Israel -- A simple leisurely game has turned into an international crisis as a frisbee belonging to an Israeli resident has crossed the border into the Gaza Strip, an area of land that has had many bloody battles fought over it between Israel's Army and the Palestinian militia group Hamas and, more recently, Hamas and Fatah, a Palestinian political party. A misthrow from Yousef Assoun, a Tel Aviv lawyer, whilst playing a game of frisbee with his son Ehud resulted in the frisbee flying across the nearby fence that separated Israel and the Hamas-occupied Gaza Strip, two bitter enemies. Israeli interim President Dalia Itzik was reported as saying "It started as a mundane little play-about, but now it seems the entire infrastructure of Middle Eastern politics has changed and we can expect a dangerous and possibly violent reaction from the insurgents".
President Itzik was soon proved right as Hamas leader Khaled Mashaal appeared on Al Jazeera, a Middle Eastern television channel. He made a particularly harsh announcement aimed at the Israeli goverment, saying "Only a country of infidels like Israel would dare be as ignorent as to invade Palestinian soil that belongs truly to Allah". Israel officially withdrew from the Gaza Strip on September 12, 2005 but it is widely believed that the "Frisbee incident", as it is now widely known as, is a fallback on the country's promise not to re-enter the area. "Too many times has Israel failed to live up to it's promises, and this one was no different. It seems a long time until the situation in Gaza is resolved now" said Dr. Richard Branthwaite, Head of Middle Eastern Affairs at Cambridge University, England. "In addition, we strongly suspect that several cameras or possible even nuclear weapons may have been attached to the Frisbee to spy or otherwise harm the innocent residents of Gaza," Branthwaite said.
Negotiatians have begun between Israel and Hamas Leaders to find a bloodless solution to the incident, although many believe this is near-impossible as both parties are so hostile towards each other. "This is the most dangerous situation in world politics since a hacky-sack was thrown over the Berlin Wall from East Germany in 1981" commented Branthwaite "and we all know how that finished." The situation has become so dire that the United Nations have joined in the negotiations, UN secratary-general Ban Ki-Moon having travelled to Tel Aviv on Saturday. "It is particularly bad timing for such an incident, with the Islamic world already at boiling point after the attempted terrorist bombings in London and Glasgow last week that failed and made Muslims look completely incompetent, not to mention stupid." said Ki-Moon yesterday
"A successful attack in Glasgow would have put the Muslims in a more cheerful state of mind, and the Frisbee incident could have been de-escalated with only a little bit of Israili blood given in sacrifice!" said Ki-Moon "The west as well as Israel must understand that successfully defending against such attacks only make the Muslims more determined to succeed, and inflames the situation. The west must learn to surrender gracefully. It would make things so much easier," said Ki-Moon, who had his pants around his knees." "As much as the UN is trying to help, the most we can hope for is the two govenments to forget their differences and solve the problem at hand."
To make matters worse, it seems it is not only the political world that has been thrown into turmoil. The Wham-O toy company, which manufactured and patented the Frisbee, have been under increasing pressure from world leaders and peace groups ever since the incident took place. Dellzell Thomas, the chairman of the company, held a press conference in which he stated "On the packaging of all our products, including the frisbee, there is a notice that says that the Wham-O corporation is not responsible for any problems that the product creates, even political stand-offs." In further reaction, the company has removed not only paper kites but also all Yo-Yo's from the Middle Eastern market. "There are a lot of nuts in this part of the world," Thomas said 'off the record.'
It seems that the "Frisbee incident" will be one that will have ongoing repurcussions throughout the near future, considering the circumstances.