User:The Cat demon
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“Who the fuck is that?!”
“I'm Mr. T, and Im a night elf mohawk”
He is better than you...
No seriously... i mean it.
The Cat demon was born in the fiery depths of hell, from a cat that was sent there because it killed a mockingbird. It was raised in wonderland, which he burned down later, and then he moved to a condo in Florida, where he currently resides. One day while licking his nether regions he had an epiphany, or a stroke. Whichever of the two is more funny. and then he stole a car, a handbag, and a baby. then he shot a policeman and stole his helmet which he took a serious shit in then he sent the helmet to the policeman's grieving widow then he stole it again. and was then arrested. by that very policeman's ghost. he then spent 4 mintues in federeal state prison... droppin the soap and feeling bad about himself. then he left. then he realized that Trix were for "Rick James, bitch" so he then got a magic toe from a drunk hobo(which by the way, is one of the best Halo Codenames) so he set out to retrieve Excalibur and rid the world of all small furry animals(except cats).
edit teh quest
this is teh story of teh quest for excalibur. led by teh cat demon(but was replaced by king arthur in the official story for tax reasons). he was questin and such when suddewnly out of his pants came knightmare from soul calibur and they challenged eachother to a xiaolin showdown. knightmare won epicly but because he's a douchebag we're gonna say he didnt.
onward he quested slaying all raccoons in his path with his mighty ax.with his pals, Sir Logan, and Sir Diego. Logan also weilding a powerful ax and diego a not-so-powerful ax. they fought many a harsh battle against the forces of teh cuteness but they eventually came out victorious cuz if they didnt it would totally fuck the plot.(not that there is much of one)
at this point he had become an honorary samurai(appointed by oscar wilde) and he totally liked cutting shit. so he slaid more woodland creatures with his mighty ax until he saw the tower of anthrax. he knew he must confront scott ian. so he went up to theh top and shit and was like,"hey scott, sorry to interrupt you and your band's jam-time but i really needs to have a sammich!" and scott was like,"kk. whatev." and they went back to jammin.so teh cat demon went to the official band mini-fridge and took their roast beast and even the last can of who-hash and then he flew away after setting poppers under the toilet seats.
after that sht they kept on goin fors awhiles until diego died and then logan and garrett feasted on his remains. diego then came back later as an angel and was like, "wtf why'd u eat me?" logan replied,""because gannon burned all the spaghetti in hyrule" so they went on their way and slaid more evil, cute creatures of teh forest. they even met smokey the bear who proved to be a most formiddable foe. because they are only 3 weakspots on a bear: the eyes, the armpits, and the penis. anyway after a long grueling battle, they found Jesus and said hi. and then they met a mysterious guinea pig who taught them the ways of the barrel roll.
onward they fought til they got to the knights who say ni. no one really knows what happened there...
after buying a couple of shrubberies they left till they came to bob the magic stick figure. he was a magnificent flaming stick figure who wore a top-hat and shorts.(and no shirt cuz he's also a hobo) and he taught them how to blow shit up. it was a most bloody and gruesome day when they learned how to operate explosives.
then they took a short vacation in Hades. where they were tipped off about a very nice cave to check out and possibly jam in. but it was guarded by a most ferocious and bat fuck insane beast. it could only be killed with a sticky grenade after agreeing that it would be kind of annoying to be killed by this beast every time they wanted to jam. they got a sticky grenade and a few rocket launchers, assault rifles, spartan lasers, laser swords, and gravity hammers. so they went off to kill teh horrible beast. it took awhile but they finally managed to kill teh evil furby.
Now, bored of their cave the 3 heroes headed off torwards teh castle of not-anthrax (which was 4 miles north of teh cave) where teh Excalibur was supposedly held... by Richard Nixon... the evil sorceror who kicked logans shin. so they greabbed some segways and were off torwards the tower. several years later they arrived on their segways. they drew their mighty axes and diego's not-mighty ax and the three (led by the cat demon)stormed the gates of Nixon's unguarded Tower. many historians and Oscar wilde describe that horrid battle scene as pointless and boring. and some(98%) say it didnt even happen. in the battle Diego died four times. and the cat demon threw up 7 times. anywaez they got thru. they took an elevator to the 854021750266927647857639th floor to face Nixon in an epic xiaolin showdown. Nixon was liek,"shit how'd u guys find meh?" and the cat demon was liek,"idk my bff jill?" and Nixon was like "that little bitch" and so they challenged Nixon to a Guitar duel Xiaolin showdown. the three awesome guys could barely overpower nixon's guitar playing abilities... but after several minutes they prevailed. and the cat demon was liek,"thanks guys. u guys r awersome" "we knoez!!!1!!" logan and teh diego replied. and the cat demon was liek,"REJECTED!!!!!!!1!!1!1111!!!1!1one!!1!" and ate them both.
now the cat demon had the excalibur and was liek "sweet". so he brought it back to Rick James and rick was like,"im rick james, bitch!" and they had a bowl of Trix together.and then they were both killed by LLEEERROOOY JENKIIINS!!!. who had fired his laser to kill them
edit what the world is now like without the cat demon
well, its ok.