From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Population: Who knows, but they're
mostly all Rapists.
Language: God knows what, Mongol language I guess. Some regions speak a variant of Russian.
President/Poitical leader: Tai Ni Dong
Average Life Expectancy: Males, 69 to 75 years old, Females, no one knows because very few are seen by outsiders.
Currency: Mongol CummageCoin, made of dried cum. (The Mongolian cummage coin has no known value to outsiders, and it is nearly impossible to trade with other countries, as no other country uses, or is familiar with this currency. This contributes to the isolation of Mongolia
and the fact that they are all retards )
Climate: Arid desert, almost no vegetation what so ever. It sucks.
Main source of income: None, they are totally isolated, and the country only works inside itself.
Area: Really around 1.5 Million Square miles, or as the Mongolian people call it, "One square country of theirs that needs to be expanded, whatever the costs"
edit The People and Government
The country has no effective ruler. This country was long ago overrun by nomadic bands of hunters. The history of this went something like this: Genghis Khan met a Hun maid, but he was married, so he killed his wife and got all the hun maids he could find for himself. So many children were a result, that they overthrew their mothers and father, and thus, these crazy nomads were born. They easily killed the Khan's forces by raping them hard. This has been a tradition to do to every living outsider they find. They had complete control of Mongolia afterwards. Today, the president known as Tai Ni Dong has had no support to quell this threat and it is estimated his rule will soon be ended by a sexual assault. Tai Ni Dong is currently living in the capitol, called Ulaanbataar, but there is no airport there. The one airport is located in the city of Moron, in the colder region of the country.
edit Inside the Government
Mongolia, believe it or not, actually has a form of leadership. Tai Ni Dong is the most recognized "leader" of the country, even though not everyone follows his rules, or knows of him. He is the only known Mongolian to ever leave the country and not be killed, raped, killed, put in jail, or been yelled at with racial slurs then be killed. Tai Ni Dong is thought do have a headquarters in the capitol of Mongolia, but it is believed that he is always on the move, for fear that he would get raped if he was in one place. It is also thought that Tai Ni Dong has some form of protection. Many are not sure of this though, due to the fact that everyone in Mongolia is a rapist. Tai Ni Dong may let his men rape him in return for protection, and he may rape them back, but still, almost nothing is known of him because he is a prime target to Mongolians everywhere, and even some outside countries. It is a miracle that there is even anyone in power. No one knows of anyway to gain power, as there are no signs of anything such as elections, or contests. There are some theories that explain his power, such as "the person who can rape the hardest and cum the most is considered to be godly, and therefore is looked upon with much respect". However, Mongolians can not hold themselves back for long. Within as many as three days, something will go horribly wrong with the leader, and he will become prime enemy number one for all Mongolians. Tai Ni Dong is has been in power for around four and a half years, and it is a mircale that he is able to elude all the rapists in the country out to get him. It is estimated that about 2% of the population is on his side. Tai Ni Dong is probably not the only high ranking official in the country. He supposedly has numerous contacts within his "inner circle" that are on his side, and run the government with him. One man is speculated to be Lee Ki Wang, who is supposedly in a position similar to the "Vice-President" of the United States. He was supposedly mentioned by Tai Ni Dong himself, at a UN meeting, and word soon leaked out, but he was mostly forgotten. Tai Ni Dong has also been heard saying that "he needs to consult with his other
rapists leaders on it [the mass rapings of China, Russia, and Kazakhstan]. The Government of Mongolia has decreased in popularity, and hasn't gained anything but STD's in the past few years, and is expected to die off within the next two years.
Mongolia's troublesome history with it's neighbors has lead it to become a rogue country with no economy. The hunting parties regularly patrol the border and attack anyone else they can find as their source of food. Sometimes they will attack neighboring cities in Russia and China, hoping to find more people to rape and eat. There is no point of visiting the country, because the only international airport is located within the heart of hunting party territory, deep in the mountains. There are no deserts, just large areas of sand with little moisture. It has relatively unexploited natural reserves of metals and materials, which is the reason many countries try to move into the country to acquire these materials. It also holds strategic value for counterterrorism in Asia, so many nations set up facilities for this purpose. Tai Ni Dong seen at right, has been able to get the help of countries to send suppies to his capital to defend against the hordes, but they WILL rape him sooner or later. (He is a prime target because his ass is huge)
The perverted religion of Mongolia has long been a mystery. It is called molestism, and it is thought to be a gay religion. Their god is Paris Hilton, because she made porn videos. The items of worship are dildos and pornography. Genghis Khan has been forgotten from their history.
The Beliefs of this religon are believed to include:
- Rape anyone you see no matter what.
- Rape or be raped.
- Invade any country whenever possible.
- Steal any foreign goods.
- Have sex whenever possible.
- Conquer more territory for Mongolia.
- Kill as many foreigners as possible.
There are still investigations involving the religion of Mongolia.
edit Early Expansion
The earliest known effective rulers were the Khans. Started by Genghis Khan and his wife Penis Khan, they had a child named Kublai Khan. Kublai was put in charge of the army of the khans when genghis got older. But when Genghis had an affair with several hun maids, his wife got pissed. He killed her when she would not shut the fuck up. His affairs led to the birth of many, many crazy sex-obsessed nomads. When they all got older, they killed their father and mothers by sexually assaulting them and killed off all of kublai khan's army. It was said kublai went down fighting with his saber, being raped by all. Thus, the crazy nomads we know today were born. They are hybrids of mongols and huns.
edit Hunting PartiesDescendants of the crazy khan killers, Mongolian hunting parties are basically primitive tribes that roam the countryside in and out of their borders in search of people to rape and eat. They are a great threat to the government and neighboring countries, especially Kazakhstan, which has a very poor and poopy defense force, along with pushover citizens. Russia and China are usually the ones who have to deal with these constant threats, with help from Britain and the United States. They are remarkable hunters and killers, with a great knowledge of their country. It has surprised many how fast they can mass in armies and overrun enemies.
edit Border Disputes and Problems
Mongol hunting parties have had numerous encounters with neighboring countries because they refuse to stay within their borders. They raid border cities, kill anyone near the border, and rape everyone they can get their hands on. China, Russia, and Kazakhstan have combined forces to counter this threat but even then, it is difficult to track hunting parties in the hostile climate that surrounds the country. It is freezing to the north, mountainous to the south and west, and desert in the east. The Mongolian hunting parties know their land well however, and they know all the best raping areas. Usually these regular raids are beaten back. The Mongols are remarkable navigators and hunters/rapists of that region in the world. They know all the secret routes to flank enemies or victims in many cases. China is the most heavily invaded because of the almost weekly raids on border cities. Cities like the heavily populated city Urumqi in the Himalayas are prime targets for Mongol hordes. Usually raids are not a problem for the overwhelmingly large Chinese army, but every once in a while, a massive raid will catch them off guard and push very far into the country.
Several big incidents have happened in the country over the years, each being a disaster for foreigners. Many times countries have used the land for varying purposes, but no successful facilities have been established permanently. These are not in chronological order (there are way too many).
edit DOWNED AIR CREW (September 5th, 1995)
A United States C-17 Transport plane was on it's way to China, when the pilot noticed that he didn't have enough fuel to make it to Bejing International Airport. He then called immediately for a mid-air refueling:
C-17 Pilot: "This is United States Airforce C-17, requesting Mid-Air refueling on my position, over Mongolian Airspace, over." Chinese Airbase: "Dis is Chinese Airbase answering machine, we too busy right now drinking and having sex with our pet panda's...leave a message."
At this time, the C-17 pilot knew that he had only enough fuel left for about 5 minutes. This means that his plane would have to make an emergency landing in the Monglian desert. He knew it was dangerous, as many have died due to heavy hunting party population in the area. His Co-Pilot knew the dangers as well, and cautioned him, but the pilot had no choice. A few minutes later, warning signs went on and the planes engines cut. The pilots ordered their crew to brace for landing. The pilot luckily, got the plane under control, and nursed it to the ground, and eventually it came to a stop in the desert. The pilots, now having no idea where they were, tried to use their GPS to find their location, and possibly call for help. They found out that the nearest city wasn't in Mongolia, and that the nearest airport was about 1,500 Nautical Miles away. Then, as the Co-Pilot looked out to his right, he saw something in the distance. He then realized what it was. About 250,000 Mongolian Nomads had gathered around the hills near the crash site. The men in the C-17 were surrounded at all sides. The Pilot decided to open the cargo door on the back of the C-17, where he told the 6 other crew men on board to get out, and hold out with whatever they could. They were armed with several weapons, enough to hold them off...or so they thought. About 10 minutes later, 4 of the 6 men outside the plane had died, due to spears mostly, but one had killed himself, and another went to sleep, then was speared. The two only had pistols left, and did what they could. It was estimated that about 6,789 Mongolians were killed at this point. Then, back in the cockpit of the plane, the Co-Pilot noticed:
Co-Pilot: Wait, we have full reserved fuel! Pilot: I'm such a Douche!
The Pilot then closed the cargo door, forgeting about the other two men on the ground. One of them was lifted up by the door, and chopped in half as it closed. The pilots then started their engines, which blew away the last man, and about 5,000 other swarming Monglians. He pushed full throttle, and eventually took off.
The Pilot later crashed again, as his fuel tanks had been pierced by several spears. Investigators said that he may have lived, if he wasn't asleep at the time of the crash.
During the invasion of Afghanistan, a company of American 82nd Airborne troops and about 15 Delta Force operators were inserted into Mongolia along with 5 Blackhawk helicopters and 10 Little Bird attack choppers to defend a small US research station in western Mongolia. The troops knew of heavy hunting party activity in the area and the base already had to fight off weekly assaults. Air support was obviously needed. The airborne troops set up defenses while Delta snipers orbited above in Little Bird choppers. Suddenly a large white thing appeared in the sky and came down hard on an empty sandbag bunker. Sperm Mortar!!! The Mongols were masturbating so hard that they could make their cum rain down like mortars. Canvas was set up around all trenches and buildings to protect them. All Little Birds returned to base and 2 Blackhawks went out. They were able to hold back the massing hordes for quite awhile, until one came in low for a gun run. Suddenly, one of the crew chiefs manning a minigun on the side yelled "We got a DPCM down below! Coming up on your side!" The other crew chief took down one but a DPCM (dick propelled cum missle) hit the rotor, making it crusty with cum. The pilot's words on the damaged radio were made out as this: "This is Torpedo 7-1, we're hit, repeat we are hit, we are going in hard! Going down! Repeat we are going down! Require immediate extraction! GREG!" Greg was one of the crew chiefs on board, who apparently fell out right before the crash. The other survivng chopper moved low over the crash site and saw that the other crew chief was defending the position with a CAR-15 SMG. The pilot was alive, and the co pilot was too, but he was unconscious. The defending crew chief was speared and the Mongols began to mass around the site, preparing to overrun and rape all 4 bodies, dead or alive. Luckily, a little bird with 3 Delta operators onboard dropped in low and they hopped off to hold back the hordes. The pilots were pulled from the wreckage, and the operators proceeded to defend them with their lives. After ammo began to run low, one operator was wounded by an arrow, and another by a small spear. They could not fight, so the one unharmed operator was forced to use all weapons available. He used the weapons from the crew chief's weapons, and was down to his pistol, desperately defending the pilots and his comrades. Finally, a blackhawk dropped in to extact all survivors and 82nd airborne troops parachuted in to eliminate the hordes with air support. In all, 5 US troops were killed, 2 of them being the crew chiefs, and the others 82nd airborne troops. The base was soon evacuated. The downed helicopter was last seen being vigorously raped by mongolian hunting parties.
In 1997, a convoy of spetsnaz (russian special forces) moved into Mongolia to try and secure the one useable airport there. Spetsnaz paratroopers had already touched down and were waiting for more support to arrive. The convoy was moving through a series of valleys when the radio sent a transmission saying: "Hunting parties in your vicinity. Watch your backs. And your dicks." The commander said to all troops over the radio: "Man your positions!" Everyone got on the turrets on the trucks and waited. Suddenly, a spear killed the gunner in the commander's jeep. Then, hordes immediately appeared all over the cliff sides. All of the convoy opened up into the crowds, but the spears and cum grenades were being thrown in massive numbers. The commander yelled to someone in the backseat, "GET THE MG UP!" The trooper manned the gun, but 5 minutes later he too was hit by a sperm grenade. The convoy reached the airfield, to find the paratroopers being killed and raped. They all called for air support and they were able to get two KA 29 helicopters dropped to them. The choppers were instantly targeted and one was hit by a DPCM, which destroyed the top rotor. the chopper nose dived into the ground, killing the crew. Most of the ground troops were dead and the convoy vehicles were cummed on too heavily to work. All personnel were raped and killed, and the second helicopter was cummed down. In all, 179 troops were killed and raped, and 5 were reported missing. 2 escaped to tell the story.
During World War Two at the time of the Japanese advance through Asia, Japan had conquered nearly every country in east Asia. All that was left were the countries of India and Mongolia. India was well defended by the British, so the Japanese could capture Mongolia for a supposedly easy victory. They could then catch the Chinese resistance in north China from Mongolia. A large company of Japanese soldiers moved into Mongolia and established an Imperial base in the south. It was surrounded by high mountains, and defenses were set up. Japan had heard of nomads in the country, but they knew little about them. Durng the second month of slowly taking mongolia, the nomad tribes were rather easy to kill and evade. But, what Japan did not know, was that word of invasion had spread throughout the different tribes, and a HUGE hunting army was being formed in the east. In late 1941, they attacked the Imperial outposts and overran them with the element of suprise and rape. Soon, only one outpost remained in the country, and about 100 soldiers were on duty. Suddenly, a japanese soldier stumbled into the base yelling "THEY WILL RAPE AND EAT YOU!" None of the guards took him seriously, and they made fun of him for having a small penis. Then, everyone saw masses of people on the mountains, rushing the position. The guy was apparently being followed. Everyone set up defenses, and fired point blank into the hordes. Soon, after many casualties, only 26 defenders were left, literally firing in every direction to fend off the Mongols trying to kill them. More were killed and raped hard. Only 3 soldiers were left, cornered at the rear of the base, fighting down to the last bullet in their rifles. Soon, everyone was using their pistols and ammo for those was quickly expended too. The one officer drew his sword and made a suicide slashing attack into the crowds. One soldier climbed over the wall and escaped to tell the story. No one knows how the other 2 died. It was estimated that the Japanese could have held out for another year in the war if they had not wasted troops in the country.
In the beginning stages of the Iraq invasion, the terrorist group Al Qeada quickly realized they needed more resources to hold out against America, Britain, and the UN. They chose mongolia as their main base of operations. They knew of previous incidents, but why not? The country was full of natural resources for stuff like cruise missles and nuclear bombs. Uranium, plutonium, and other radioactive materials were plentiful. They set up a huge camp with no sight of hunting parties at all. The terrorists proceded to have gay sex and drink bourbon and whiskey in celebration. The next morning, a small patrol was reported missing. Most troops had hangovers, so the few that did not went out to investigate. They found a crusty white substance on the ground where the patrol went missing. They followed a track to a mountainous area to find about 25 mongols eating and raping their comrades. Then a huge mass surrounded them on the high cliffs and proceeded to masturbate on them from above. They were only armed with pistols, and they quickly met the same fate as their patrol. The hunting parties then found the camp, and while everyone was sleeping, the mongols cummed in their mouths, drowning most of them. A US supply plane flying over witnessed several middle east-looking guys being raped hard, and took a video of the area where all this happened. Al Qaida was crushed in this stunning defeat.
edit THE VIOLATION OF PU PING VILLAGE (145 A.D.)
In northern China, near the border of Mongolia, there was a village known as "Pu Ping". This village had about 2,000 inhabitants, mostly Chinese, who lived a peaceful life. However, one day, the Mongols had gotten word of this city. They heard that it was full of riches, and upon knowing this, the leader of Mongolia ordered a rape raid on the village. It was the middle of a nice warm summer when some villagers noticed people rushing the city. About 10,000 Mongolian warriors were charging the village, and they were ready to rape. The outer ring of the village got the first taste of Mongolian violence. They houses were literally torn down by crazy raping Mongolians, who instantly grabbed the nearest person, threw them to the ground, and raped them until they were either dazed or dead. The villagers instantly called for the "skilled" warriors of the village. However they weren't trained at all, and there was only about 600 of them, not enough to face 10,000 relentless Mongols. But they tried, and they failed miserably. Still, the city continued to be raped to the ground, and the Mongols continued to steal anything they could find. The Mongols also got drunk from the wine that was stored in the city, making them even more dangerous. In about 15 minutes, 1,800 people from the village had been raped, killed, speared, or molested. Now, the city was sea of white. About 15 people escaped that day to tell the story. The leader of the village was said to be gang banged, and then eaten by the Mongols.
In the time of the Roman empire, a less known emperor known as Ladius Manus decided to explore and expand the already HUGE roman empire to parts of eastern Asia. The Romans overran Kazakhstan quickly, and moved into Mongolia, pushing their luck. Raiders almost instantly were upon the large army, but the powerful romans beat off most beginning attacks. They let none get away, for they knew of this enemy much better than most others who tried to take the country. The emperor also knew how fast word of invasion could spread throughout the country. But Mongol scouts soon spred the word and after a very large and costly battle, most of the still massive army retreated to protect Kazakhstan. But one company was ambushed on it's way out, and they were trapped in the middle of huge crowds of hordes. The romans locked their sheilds together, creating a kind of shell to repel cum grenades and spears. Soon though, only about 15 were left. The commander ordered them to throw all their spears into the crowds, take out their swords, and fight their way through the crowds to safety. Only 3 got out untouched. All the others were sexually assaulted, cummed on, or killed. The 3 survivors were then pursued across the landscape, all the way to Kazakhstan to meet the rest of the Roman army. The attacks were beaten back and the troops were revered as heroes in Rome, for they had survived the unthinkable: Mass hordes of horny Mongols pursuing them.
Until 996 B.C., the Mongolians had not yet discovered water. As most believe, water is essential to human life. For the Monglians however, the fact that they were land-locked means that they were not intelligent enough to venture for resources. They managed to survive by drinking the first known liquid they discovered, cum. Surprisingly, the Mongolians adapted, and survived, thought to be one of their most amazing achievments. (As there are few) However, sometime around 996 A.D., the Mongols decided to mount a giant daring assault into South-Eastern China. The Mongols prepared their hardest of all warriors. So, the Mongols started their assault, and luckily for them, they caught the Chinese totally off guard, due to several reasons:
- The Mongolians didn't run in screaming
- The Mongolians didn't do what they most due while running in on a raid, their famous tactic, "Cum Running".
- There were few Chinese inhabitants in the area to survey the landscape at a distance.
- The Chinese in the area had rarely been attacked, unlinke southern China.
Because of this, the Mongols had the upper-hand...for once. They ran in fast, raping and cumming only when they reached a target. Also, the Chinese in this area had bad communication. The only thing that ever came into the area was porn, and nothing ever came out. For the Mongols, this was twice as good, they get land, and valuable magazines. But, they wouldn't guess that there was another prize in store. After over a month of rape on a massive scale not seen before, the Mongolians spotted something in the distance. It was like nothing they've ever seen. They went to it, and they had discovered water. The Mongolians were flabbergasted. It was their second greatest achievement ever, known so far that is. However, their finding of water was their downfall. Their bodies had gotten so adapted to relying on cum, that water became a type of poison to them. Since all the invaders had drank the liquid, they all died. The invasion stopped. What is most essential to the normal human, killed the most vicious of Mongolians. The Mongolians in their country now had absolutely no knowledge of water. Mongolians would not discover water, and live, for another 1,600 years.
edit THE KHANS ARE EXTERMINATED (123 A.D.)
The first event involving the Mongol hordes, Genghis Khan had already killed his wife and had about 100 children with Hun women from Russia. Many years after all of his children were born, Genghis was an old man, and the children of his were plotting to kill him and all their mothers. Their main challenge was Genghis Khan's son Kublai Khan, who had control of the khan's army. The nomads had an extremely gay attraction to raping people, and it is still unknown what went wrong in their chemistry to trigger this. They killed all their mothers and father by gang banging them. The bodies were said to be frosted out in semen. Next was the sleeping khan army outside the palace. They were all weary of a battle, and were sleeping soundly. All 100 Mongol nomads creeped down to the army tents, and tent by tent, all soldiers were cummed on or raped and eaten. Not enough woke up in time to escape the extremely horny/deadly dicks, and only about 5 Mongols were killed. Kublai Khan woke up and drew his sword against the crowds. He yelled "UNTIL DEATH!" and charged the crowd, slashing at everything. He went down being raped from every direction. He is known as a hero in foreign countries. The Mongols made books about this event, and still do today.
edit Mongolian Related Images
- Shooting Mongoians - This proves that Monglians make excellent target practice. Watch as United States soldiers meaninglessly annoy Mongolians in a nearby village and killing them as well. Mongolians did run and attempt to rape them, but they didn't get close
- "Mongol Death Dance" - When the unsuspecting camera crew on vacation walked into this Mongolians village on the border of China and Mongolia, the Mongolians started to dance, and the people filmed it. Little did they know that this was the dance that Mongols do before they rape/cum/eat someone. Notice how they laugh, not knowing that this dance will be their last moments alive. The people were later raped, cummed on, and eaten. This is all that remains of the tape.
- Mongolian Rebels - This film was captured when Chinese soldiers killed Mongolian invaders. One man found this tape believed to be the briefing of the mission. The words "rape", "cum", "beat", "death" and "your mom" can be heard in Mongolian in the clip.
|Countries and territories of Asia|
|Euroasia||Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon|
|East Asia||People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan)|
|Western Asia||Afghanistan - Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Pakistan - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen|
|Central Asia||Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan|
|South Asia||Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Sri Lanka - Tibet|
|Southeast Asia||Cambodia - East Timor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam|