If I've ever
deleted your page, just remember, it hurts me more than it hurts you. There used to be a pun here about how "userpage" rhymes with "loserpage," but I'm
far too sophisticated for such jokes now.
Ok, time to write my story. Once, a long time upon a time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a time, many years ago, once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away. Unfortunately, most people don't really remember what went on then, not having been born at the time, or within reasonable walking distance of the galaxy.
As such, I'll write about a much more recent time, specifically April of 2007, when I found Uncyclopedia. Naturally, I took to writing here like a fish to hydrochloric acid, and my earlier works reflect this. Luckily, after
a bunch of reading, I improved my writings, rantings, and ravings to an almost passable level, a lifetime achievement which I have yet to top. So, now I've got a bunch of features and awards, and I also do some adminning as well. And that's pretty much where I am right now, as I write this, so it'll probably be outdated by the time you read it. So, please keep in mind, dear reader, that I could be in jail or dead right now, and you'd have no idea. Even I have no idea. Mind = blown.
No, I'm serious, I actually look like this. I'm 2D with a lightsaber and everything.
Message of the day* *Message of the day not updated daily
Apparently some school in New Orleans called Tulane has
actually agreed to let me live there for four years! Ha!
Articles I have spawned or
stolen "borrowed" and made "better."
Baby-snatching my 1st page (not very good...)
Pen Island my 2nd page (not very good...)
Papercupism my 3rd page (I think it's ok, but meh.)
Phrases spoken before death List I helped to fix up.
Pae Do (Rewrite)
-- UnNews:Florida flooded by global warming, Sea World ironically left above water FEATURED! UnNews:Russia's communist resistance sends bear army to retake Romania, four US tourists left dead Famine's idea and about half his text, but partially mine as well.
UnNews:Host of NBC's "To Catch a Predator" arrested for attempted rape of a minor
-- 667:Neighbor of The Beast FEATURED! (Another rewrite) Volcano --
FEATURED! HowTo:Become a wise old man My first "HowTo"
UnNews:Lisa Simpson a suspect in bizarre double-homicide (Not very good)
-- UnNews:Hitting children found to have positive effects on brain development FEATURED,
Russian Roulette -- PLS WINNER!! Independence Day -- PLS contender
This page does NOT exist -- PLS entry
-- UnNews:Defenseless Hummer viciously attacked by Eco-Nazis FEATURED!
-- HowTo:Check for Lumps FEATURED! UnPoetia:Ode to Russian Reversal -- Will almost certainly be deleted
UnTunes:Won't Get Banned Again -- Music by the Who, words by Leoispotter and I, singing by me, and recording/editing help by The UnIdiot.
-- UnNews:Original Van Halen lineup to begin touring, fighting again Quasi-Featured.
-- UnBooks:The Castaway FEATURED!
-- Walls FEATURED! Rewritten originally for the -- Star Wars Rewrite-a-thon --
FEATURED! Your Mom -- Also rewritten for the Rewrite-a-thon
-- I found this trolling Newpages, helped it out, fixed it up, and added a lot. A good portion of the text comes from -- Why?:Nuke the whales FEATURED! User:Roboriath, however, so props to him/her.
-- UnNews:Bin Laden releases new video, America responds with indifference FEATURED! UnNews:Man sues God; is smited
-- Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A FEATURED! Camp Lazlo -- User:Ineedaname asked me on my talk page to help out with this, so I did. Ain't I nice?
Collaboration with -- Heat death of the universe Cajek --
-- UnBooks:Science Fair FEATURED!
-- UnBooks:Honest Jim's Miracle Tonic FEATURED!
-- UnNews:Massachusetts school's winter break renamed to please all religions FEATURED!
-- UnNews:Strange "white stuff" falls from sky, America baffled FEATURED! UnNews:2008 election race continues
I had a great idea for an article about this, when I found out that it already existed. But it was really short, so I expanded it. -- Fourth Wall --
FEATURED! Same as above. -- Pyromaniac --
-- Iron Maiden FEATURED! -- Rewrite achieved with Modus and Ljlego, Conservapedia
FEATURED! -- Rewrite of a Lake Spooky VFD'd page for UN:CW,
FEATURED! UnTunes:Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song -- I think people read too much into this...it's kinda an emo joke, but at heart it's just a horrible, horrible piece of music.
-- originally written for a school magazine, UnBooks:Hospital
-- UnNews:PBS facing lawsuit after The Count's televised drunken profanity FEATURED! -- Collab with Why?:Blame Hitler SysRq,
FEATURED! Uncyclopedia:Wikipedia -- Written solely to make fun of this
-- Collab with UnNews:Scientists devote massive funds for cancer research to production of an 'orgasmatron' The UnIdiot,
FEATURED -- Collab with UnIdiot, Unquotable:Keanu Reeves
FEATURED! UnTunes:Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome
UnNews:The newsless streak is over; suck it Uncyclopedia - I call this an "event article," because it was written solely for this event.
-- PLS Entry, Physics Act of 1707
-- Everything is great FEATURED! -- Collab with Lewd Acts of the Apostles Mhaille and Prettiestpretty,
FEATURED! -- Collab with Why?:So Serious? Thekillerfroggy,
-- HowTo:Hotwire a car FEATURED! -- ICU'd page made great during an IRC session with HowTo:Rob A Bank With Your Penis RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper, FEATURED!
-- UnBooks:Travels Through the Tropics FEATURED!
-- Telephone pole FEATURED! Freedom - rewrite for UN:CW.
-- UnScripts:The Device FEATURED!
-- History of New England FEATURED! UnTunes:ZOMBIES! -- collab with The UnIdiot
-- UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation FEATURED! -- Rewrite -- Yellow
FEATURED! UnNews:Uncyclomedia Foundation purchases Full House laugh track machine
-- UnNews:Obama shamelessly pushes liberal agenda on schoolchildren FEATURED! User:TheLedBalloon/Craig Kielburger -- rewrite with An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and Ljlego.
-- Radical Republicans FEATURED!
-- User:TheLedBalloon/Letter FEATURED, sort of! Parents Music Resource Center
UnNews:Charlie Sheen: "20 isn't that young"
May or may not contain material you've never seen before. May or may not contain material.
Amusing(ish) images I made or helped to make
This user is an , which explains his/her exceptionally high stress levels.
This user has been on Uncyclopedia for 8 years, 3 months and 29 days.
...Look at me, I've got awards!!! I'M A MAN!!!!!
My full awards page
And also, a video!