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If I've ever deleted your page, just remember, it hurts me more than it hurts you.

There used to be a pun here about how "userpage" rhymes with "loserpage," but I'm far too sophisticated for such jokes now.

Ok, time to write my story. Once, a long time upon a time ago, in a galaxy far far away, there was a time, many years ago, once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away. Unfortunately, most people don't really remember what went on then, not having been born at the time, or within reasonable walking distance of the galaxy.

As such, I'll write about a much more recent time, specifically April of 2007, when I found Uncyclopedia. Naturally, I took to writing here like a fish to hydrochloric acid, and my earlier works reflect this. Luckily, after a bunch of reading, I improved my writings, rantings, and ravings to an almost passable level, a lifetime achievement which I have yet to top. So, now I've got a bunch of features and awards, and I also do some adminning as well. And that's pretty much where I am right now, as I write this, so it'll probably be outdated by the time you read it. So, please keep in mind, dear reader, that I could be in jail or dead right now, and you'd have no idea. Even I have no idea. Mind = blown.


No, I'm serious, I actually look like this. I'm 2D with a lightsaber and everything.

edit FAQ

...none, really.

edit Message of the day*

*Message of the day not updated daily

Apparently some school in New Orleans called Tulane has actually agreed to let me live there for four years! Ha!

edit Articles

Articles I have spawned or stolen "borrowed" and made "better."

  1. Baby-snatching my 1st page (not very good...)
  2. Pen Island my 2nd page (not very good...)
  3. Papercupism my 3rd page (I think it's ok, but meh.)
  4. Phrases spoken before death List I helped to fix up.
  5. Pae Do (Rewrite)
  6. UnNews:Florida flooded by global warming, Sea World ironically left above water -- FEATURED!
  7. UnNews:Russia's communist resistance sends bear army to retake Romania, four US tourists left dead Famine's idea and about half his text, but partially mine as well.
  8. UnNews:Host of NBC's "To Catch a Predator" arrested for attempted rape of a minor
  9. 667:Neighbor of The Beast -- FEATURED!
  10. Volcano (Another rewrite) -- FEATURED!
  11. HowTo:Become a wise old man My first "HowTo"
  12. UnNews:Lisa Simpson a suspect in bizarre double-homicide (Not very good)
  13. UnNews:Hitting children found to have positive effects on brain development -- FEATURED, PLS WINNER!!
  14. Russian Roulette -- PLS WINNER!!
  15. Independence Day -- PLS contender
  16. This page does NOT exist -- PLS entry
  17. UnNews:Defenseless Hummer viciously attacked by Eco-Nazis -- FEATURED!
  18. HowTo:Check for Lumps -- FEATURED!
  19. UnPoetia:Ode to Russian Reversal -- Will almost certainly be deleted
  20. UnTunes:Won't Get Banned Again -- Music by the Who, words by Leoispotter and I, singing by me, and recording/editing help by The UnIdiot.
  21. UnNews:Original Van Halen lineup to begin touring, fighting again -- Quasi-Featured.
  22. UnBooks:The Castaway -- FEATURED!
  23. Walls -- FEATURED!
  24. Star Wars -- Rewritten originally for the Rewrite-a-thon -- FEATURED!
  25. Your Mom -- Also rewritten for the Rewrite-a-thon
  26. Why?:Nuke the whales -- FEATURED! -- I found this trolling Newpages, helped it out, fixed it up, and added a lot. A good portion of the text comes from User:Roboriath, however, so props to him/her.
  27. UnNews:Bin Laden releases new video, America responds with indifference -- FEATURED!
  28. UnNews:Man sues God; is smited
  29. Stupendous Tropical Meningitis Vaccination A -- FEATURED!
  30. Camp Lazlo -- User:Ineedaname asked me on my talk page to help out with this, so I did. Ain't I nice?
  31. Heat death of the universe -- Collaboration with Cajek -- FEATURED!
  32. UnBooks:Science Fair -- FEATURED!
  33. UnBooks:Honest Jim's Miracle Tonic -- FEATURED!
  34. UnNews:Massachusetts school's winter break renamed to please all religions -- FEATURED!
  35. UnNews:Strange "white stuff" falls from sky, America baffled -- FEATURED!
  36. UnNews:2008 election race continues
  37. Fourth Wall -- I had a great idea for an article about this, when I found out that it already existed. But it was really short, so I expanded it. -- FEATURED!
  38. Pyromaniac -- Same as above. -- FEATURED!
  39. Iron Maiden -- FEATURED!
  40. Conservapedia -- Rewrite achieved with Modus and Ljlego, FEATURED!
  41. Lake Spooky -- Rewrite of a VFD'd page for UN:CW, FEATURED!
  42. UnTunes:Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song -- I think people read too much into's kinda an emo joke, but at heart it's just a horrible, horrible piece of music.
  43. UnBooks:Hospital -- originally written for a school magazine, FEATURED!
  44. UnNews:PBS facing lawsuit after The Count's televised drunken profanity -- FEATURED!
  45. Why?:Blame Hitler -- Collab with SysRq, FEATURED!
  46. Uncyclopedia:Wikipedia -- Written solely to make fun of this
  47. UnNews:Scientists devote massive funds for cancer research to production of an 'orgasmatron' -- Collab with The UnIdiot, FEATURED
  48. Unquotable:Keanu Reeves -- Collab with UnIdiot, FEATURED!
  49. UnTunes:Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome
  50. UnNews:The newsless streak is over; suck it Uncyclopedia - I call this an "event article," because it was written solely for this event.
  51. Physics Act of 1707 -- PLS Entry, FEATURED!
  52. Everything is great -- FEATURED!
  53. Lewd Acts of the Apostles -- Collab with Mhaille and Prettiestpretty, FEATURED!
  54. Why?:So Serious? -- Collab with Thekillerfroggy, FEATURED!
  55. HowTo:Hotwire a car -- FEATURED!
  56. HowTo:Rob A Bank With Your Penis -- ICU'd page made great during an IRC session with RAHB and Dr. Skullthumper, FEATURED!
  57. UnBooks:Travels Through the Tropics -- FEATURED!
  58. Telephone pole -- FEATURED!
  59. Freedom - rewrite for UN:CW.
  60. UnScripts:The Device -- FEATURED!
  61. History of New England -- FEATURED!
  62. UnTunes:ZOMBIES! -- collab with The UnIdiot
  63. UnBooks:The Nearly-Chaste Mormon's Guide to Quitting Masturbation -- FEATURED!
  64. Yellow -- Rewrite -- FEATURED!
  65. UnNews:Uncyclomedia Foundation purchases Full House laugh track machine
  66. Red Bull
  67. UnNews:Obama shamelessly pushes liberal agenda on schoolchildren -- FEATURED!
  68. User:TheLedBalloon/Craig Kielburger -- rewrite with An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays and Ljlego.
  69. Radical Republicans -- FEATURED!
  70. User:TheLedBalloon/Letter -- FEATURED, sort of!
  71. Parents Music Resource Center
  72. UnNews:Charlie Sheen: "20 isn't that young"

edit Project Pages

May or may not contain material you've never seen before. May or may not contain material.

edit Amusing(ish) images I made or helped to make

edit Awards

Grand Cross of the Order
Admin-pms This user is an administrator, which explains his/her exceptionally high stress levels.
Clock This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
8 years, 10 months and 8 days.

...Look at me, I've got awards!!! I'M A BIG MAN!!!!!
See also: My full awards page

edit And also, a video!

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