User:TheHappySpaceman/HowTo:Get Your Friends To Get the F**k Away From You

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Do you have friends? Of course you do. (You don't? Tough.) And of course you liked to hang out with them. (I'm sorry for you, I will give you moar potatoes.) Anyway, the point is that sometimes, they get a bit annoying, right? Actually, sometimes they get really annoying. Sometimes, they get soooo annoying that you just want to lock yourself in a room with no doors and no windows and send that room underground forever. Sometimes, on the other hand, you have friends but don't want them. If either of those are the case for you, then I suggest reading this article about how to get your friends (or other people, such as your boss, your teachers, the taxman, etc.) to get the fuck away from you.

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edit The Piss-Them-Off Approach

edit Step 1: What do they hate?

The first thing to do is to figure out what your friends really hate. If you have friends, then you know that they're going to have to hate something. Take mine, for example. I have tons of friends. They hate rock and roll and love rap. (God, rap sucks.) I, on the other hand, am the opposite: I hate rap and love rock and roll. But that's beside the point.

Listen, you need to know this! Here's why:

edit Step 2: Execute Plan


If you ever want them back, don't piss them off too much.

Okay, so let's say your friends hate lizards. Well, if so, release a bunch of lizards into the room. They will scream "AAAAAAAA!" and run away and you can finally have peace. Or if they like rap, play some classical music for them. That should get rid of them easy. If they hate Barney, however, don't watch Barney. That would only piss you off.

edit The Gross-Them-Out Approach

Everybody hates gross things, such as pingas, butts, crap, and XTREME PR0N!!!!!!!11 No further explanation is needed.

edit Why Not to Just Say You Don't Want Them Around.

You may be wondering: Why can't I just ask them to leave? The answer: Friends never leave. They always hang around whether you want them or not.

“Friends are there when you need them, they're even there when you don't, and that's what pisses me off!!!”

They're just like the taxman, they never leave.

edit Well, This Is It.

Hope you liked my tutorial. Now that you've gotten your friends away, you can do whatever you want, such as watch extreme pr0n, star in extreme pr0n, have giggity with your girlfriend, pull out your W.M.D.'s, or eat a pizza. It all works. Now that they're gone, you can do anything.

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