User:TheHappySpaceman/Captain Anonymous
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
I am the one who lurks in the shadows. I am the one who writes the great works of art usually credited to "Anonymous." I am the most secret person in the world. No one knows my name. No one will ever know my name. I don't even know my own name. I am... Captain Anonymous.
Ohnoes! Have you come to the wrong article? Maybe you were looking for Anonymous? I certainly would have put a link to it if you were.
“No one knows this guy's name.”
“What? ”
“Indeed, Captain Obvious.”
“He seems pretty anonymous.”
“That's an understatement.”
“Indeed again, Captain Obvious.”
Contents |
edit Some random stuff
While it was believed for a long time that Captain Anonymous is a rip-off of the already known Captain Subliminal and is so definitely NOT the best, they have been proved wrong when Anonymous murdered Subliminal in a fight to the death. Since then, people have blamed the "Jack the Ripper" murders on him and said he also killed Hitler. The latter statement is true, because Hitler still hovers over Anonymous's bed saying that he will rule the world someday!!! In the meantime, however, he currently owns "Icanhascheezburger.com" and is the only one in the world who thinks that FЯED is just cool. He wishes he was in the bible, under Armaments, 3:1-3:9,000 right after the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and is SO NOT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK in the PTA because it is for n00bs.
edit Who is he, anyway?
Nobody knows, stupid. That's exactly what Captains Obvious and Understatement just said. So could you please just shut up? I mean seriously. Who would ever ask such a stupid question? (Maybe Al Jaffee, because after all, he is the writer of Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions... but I digress.) You are all idiots.
edit People who know who he is
Some people, such as his wife, his kids, a dead guy, nobody, and over 9,000 people he met on Facebook know who he is. Here is the complete list:
edit Some random stuff
While it was believed for a long time that Captain Anonymous isa rip-off of the already known Captain Subliminal and is so definitely NOT the best, they have been proved wrong when Anonymous murdered Subliminal in a fight to the death. Since then, people have blamed the "Jack the Ripper" murders on him and said he also killed Hitler. The latter statement is true, because Hitler still hovers over Anonymous's bed saying that he will rule the world...
someday...
HOLY CRAP THERE IS ALREADY A SECTION FOR SOME RANDOM STUFF!!! ohmigod i need to stop smoking so much crack.
edit Here is a list of suspects on his real identity
- Batman
- You
- Your mom
- Nobody
- Oscar Wilde
- The non-huffable kitten
- The Tails doll
- Darth Vader
- Chuck Norris
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- The ghost of Orson Welles
- Mickey Mouse
- Those morons at Wikipedia
- Princess Peach
- Vincent Van Gogh
- Scream
- Mr. Rogers
Of course, nobody cares who he is anyway.
edit Allies
- Dan the Hedgehog
- Mozilla Firefox
- Miles "Tails" Prower
- Professor Subtle
- The Invisible Man
- Red Forman
- Jack Nicholson
- Heath Ledger
- Mark Hamill
- A bunch of potatoes
- This guy
- That guy
edit Enemies
CAPTAIN ANONYMOUS WAS HERE
 | People named "Captain" |
|
America - Atheist - Autofellatio - Beefheart - Bligh - Britain - Canada - Caveman - Communist - Hook - Irrelevant - Jack Harkness - Janeway - Kaptainskye - Kirk - Knuckles - Marvel - Morgan - Oblivious - Obvious - Omnipotent - Planet - Raccoon - Selfish - Sisko - Slow - Video |
