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“Did somebody say Daoism?”
Daoism was first devised when Joseph Stalin decided to use a time machine to go back to classical China, where he believed the first civilization started. He created Daoism as a last-ditch effort to persuade the friendly locals not to cut off his genitals after he lost in a scuffle over a goat. Evidence of Stalin traveling back to classical China has been obtained from some loosely-translated writings that were made around that time. The beliefs held in Dadaism, according to Stalin, included daily worship of the almighty lord Gerrymander the Wise. It was believed that Gerrymander the Wise required daily sacrifice of one's animals, family members, or part of the Daoist's own body. These rituals were held in gatherings led by Stalin himself where the Doaists would get together in a circle and throw their offerings into the middle of the circle then walk away. There were many other rituals, but this was by far the most prominent, especially today as the Chinese seek new, reasonable ways to rid themselves of overpopulation.