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edit About Tattaglia

“The n00biest n00b that has ever lived.”
~ 1337 5up4 h4x0r on Tattaglia
~ Average Person on Tattaglia

This is Tattaglia. Possibly one of his good days.

Although most believe Tattaglia is an adorable, loving, somewhat angry member of society, some disagree. The latter are probably right. On a normal day, Tattaglia enjoys hurling small kittens into the path of oncoming trains, and clapping at the result. Both of his parents left him at a young age (three and a half minutes old) and he was promptly thrown onto the street by the caring hospital staff. Living with a horde of stray dogs, he soon gained the ability to fly, which came in handy to crash Russian jet-fighters for the US Airforce.

At the age of five, Tattaglia adopted the name we know today from watching The Godfather, traumatized by the grainy film quality and Francis Ford Coppola's directing. He then flew to Hollywood and tried out a career as an actor, but was turned down and whipped repeatedly by a young Robin Williams for not laughing at his absolutely hilarious Mexican accent that he does all the time.

Cynical and depressed, Tattaglia moved to the small country of New Zealand (which is probably in Belgium, Italy, or the Cheese Galaxy), and convinced Lucy Lawless to give him superpowers. Tattaglia then vaporized Atlantis (which was then known as Europe) with his mega-super-ultra-laser vision that causes anything within sight to asplode. Because of his laser vision, Tattaglia was exported from New Zealand - disguised as an expired cup full of chocolate pudding - to France and dissolved by 100% pure hydrochloric acid from a toxic waste dump.

By now, Tattaglia was very mad. As an act of revenge, Tattaglia removed the planet of Pluto from the list of planets, demoting it as a "Dwarf Planet". This caused millions of astronomers all over the world to spontaneously burst into flames, destroying the moon, and killing the remaining blue whales left in the world. These days, Tattaglia lives a happy life as a cereal spokesman for Gin-flavored Happy Crystals(TM) and continues to be a menace to the global community.

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