User:Swordmaster/F-Zero

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F-Zero is a series of racing video games by Nintendo, set sometime in the future (perhaps the 26th century). It's in the future, and there's hover cars, since otherwise it would be just another redundant racing game. Its main character, Captain Falcon, wins many races and goes around screaming "Falcon PUNCHH!" for no reason at all, other than to do that.

edit List of games

edit F-Zero

This was released on the SNES, and it included just 4 cars and 15 tracks. This made it boring, except for obsessive geeks who had their hands frozen in the shape of their controllers after hours of playing it. They got no girls, and sat in their mom's basement until they a) turned 47, or b) got a world record, and then they played until they were 62. Although immensely boring, the soundtrack for the "Big Blue" tracks was the first and only SNES soundtrack to ever top the Billboard list until Nobuo Uematsu sued Nintendo for being so awesome. It is now available for download on the Nintendo Wii through Virtual Console.

edit F-Zero X

This one was released for the N64, and was much better, since it had more cars, more tracks, and a sweet glam-rock soundtrack. People still stayed in their mom's basement to play it, but only because of the soundtrack. A few actually tried to play it, but they grew to hate it, and put it in the bottom of their N64 cartridge pile when Super Smash Bros. came out.

edit F-Zero: Maximum Velocity

This game, on the Game Boy Advance, had something of a misnomer: Its top speed was actually slower than the other games. However, it sold just as strongly as the other games in the series, and increased the fan base to outside of dark basements and into city bus stops.

edit F-Zero: GP Legend

For the Game Boy Advance. It was just a cash-in for some lame anime to get all the kids' parents' money. 'Nuff said. Not even anime-loving obsessive geeks bought it.

edit F-Zero Climax

Released on the Game Boy Advance. It was an hentai game, meaning almost all stores (except for the creepy back-alley type ones) in the U.S. would have banned it and publicly burned copies of it in the streets had it been released. Not so in Japan, where it stayed in the palms of more crazy geeks.

edit F-Zero GX

This game, for the GameCube, spread the game to a new generation. Those sweaty geeks got their racers to move faster (though they snaked), and others were distracted by the ear-bleed techno.

edit Those Crazy Characters in Their Fantastic Flying Machines

edit Captain Falcon

(All following descriptions are from the games' manuals) He's the 5-time Grand Prix champion, and he knows it. He spends all his money on fuel, upgrades for his racer, and fine hard cider. His machine, the Blue Falcon, is meant to be fast enough to blow up in about 32.5 seconds in the hands of a beginner, and has too poor of drifting power to be of use to experts.

edit Dr. Stewart

Dr. Stewart is a doctor. He helps people when they're sick, and he's quite good at it. That's a good thing, especially when Captain Falcon owns the racetrack, and now Dr. Stewart has a side job once the money runs out. Dr. Stewart's machine, the Golden Fox, is a good machine, but people are afraid to use it since they might be considered furries because of its name.

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