International Emo Week
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International Emo Week is a week long holiday (which is by law mandatory in many countries) in which every citizen must act emo for a week. International Emo Week happens once approximately every 25 years, so it can affect as many pop culture phenomena as possible. After the civil war, this is America's second bloodiest event of all time. As much as 12,472,000 gallons of blood are lost annually due to this week long holiday. And as much as 300 million worldwide.
edit The Origins
The origins of International Emo Week are as much legend as history, no entirely reliable source dictates exactly the nature of the this event.
National Emo Week was created in the mid 14th Century and originally called Hebdomas Animi Motus, which is Latin for "The Week of Emotion", the exact nature and purpose of this event is unknown, such as who practiced it and when it was practiced. However it is known that the colors black, red, and black were hugely important in the practice of this event. The creator of the "The Week of Emotion" is unknown, however Leonardo Da Vinci is often accredited for the popularizing of it, he was once quoted as saying in relation to it, "Darkness...Death...Despair..Depression...Dismal displays dutifully dullifying dexterity," it is unknown exactly why Da Vinci chose a phrasing with such alliteration to voice his feelings about "The Week of Emotion", especially when you factor in that that quote wasn't even written in English.
edit The End of Hebdomas Animi Motus
While there is no known document declaring "The Week of Emotion" to have come to a permanent end, it seemed to fade out of the public consciousness in approximately the mid 17th Century.
edit The Rebirth of Hebdomas Animi Motus
The Week of Emotion would remain out of public awareness for many centuries, until it would return with new purpose. In the early 20th Century as modern medicine allowed people to live longer lives and began to radically decrease the number of infant mortality rates, this caused gross overpopulation, the Roosevelt Administration quickly gave up on the "Everytime You Become Impregnated...God Kills a Kitten" compaign after it was found to be decisively ineffective.
edit The Overpopulation Conference
Looking for a new means of controlling the population Theodore Roosevelt on January 18, 1905 they brought together many of the world's top Scientists, Doctors, Psychiatrists, and Executioners to help find a solution to the problem, this has come to be called The Overpopulation Conference. Many intriguing propositions were handed forward by the experts assembled from all over the world, a proposition that especially intrigued Theodore Roosevelt was given by the French guillotine expert Jean Luc Traditio, "[His] idea of simply beheading the excess population has such an air of brilliant obviousness to it, it is a most appealing prospect," said Roosevelt. However Roosevelt was particularly interested in British psychiatrist Dr Henry Miller (who had a double major in Obscure History from Oxford) who believed that "The best way to reduce the population, was to force them to turn within upon themselves", this he said "Would cause them to take their own lives and if not then, then make them less likely to create others." The idea was inspired by the out of practice holiday "Hebdomas Animi Motus". It was accepted by all the attendants of the Overpopulation Conference that it was necessary to update the holiday for modern times, thus "National Emo Week" was created. The theory was that if you put extreme emphasis on emotions (especially depression) that the people themselves would take their own lives, thus saving the government the unnecessary task of doing it themselves.
edit The Specifications
Dr Miller set down a very specific set of rules in his proposal which he gave to the President that detailed how the International Emo Week would be run, an abridged list is as follow:
- International Emo Week as the name suggests, must be international, there are too many people everywhere, and them dying can only help.
- The poor should ideally be the most effected, they are unable to support themselves, and are more of a drain on society to to welfare.
- The official colors of International Emo Week are as tradition dictates black, red, and black, other colors should be discouraged as much as reasonably possible.
- International Emo Week is to be held once every 50 years, so as to regularly regulate the world population.
- It is to be held in the summer, the summer has never been depressing enough for me.
- I would organize this, but I don't care, because I'm too damn emo, so by necessity, an International Yuppie Week will be held the week prior to the main event to give the organizers time to work out the details.
edit The First International Emo Week
The first International Emo Week was held from July 12-July 18 1905, these dates became the traditional dates for International Emo Week. It was an unbelievable success, even the most optimistic projections did not calculate how successful the event would be. The suicide rate was almost twice what it is normally in the United States, this even more than made up for the lack of suicides from the week before during International Yuppie Week.
edit Unofficial Deaths
Many deaths, not recorded in the official statistics are also often attributed to International Emo Week, the official statistics only account for suicides, but some people died on the first day of International Emo Week, not from suicide, but from the shock of going from International Yuppie Week to International Emo Week in a single day. Many believe that if these deaths were counted into the official statistics, the number of National Emo Week deaths could possibly triple.
edit The Second International Emo Week
Fifty years to the day after the first, the second International Emo Week was held, this one, despite being the second is better known among the regular population, because of the many famous photographs from this event, and for the legendary propaganda posters from this era. Many photographers made their name during this period, such as Led Zepplin, Andy Rooney, and Billie Joe Armstrong.
The death rates were also considerably higher for this go around than the prior one, almost twice as high, no one has any real theories as to what might be the cause.
edit The Third International Emo Week
The third (and possibly the final) International Emo Week held from July 12-18 2005 was yet another phenomenal success, much the government invested a total of 8.7 Billion dollars to recolor the country in the official Emo colors (black, red, and black), the executive order was even handed down to recolor the sky, shadows, water, and the White House in the these colors.
edit The Controversies
Much controversy surrounds the third International Emo Week, mainly stemming from George W. Bush showing up in public wearing non-Emo apparel, this encited rage in many purists who felt Bush was not meeting up to the standards of the President of the United States.
Also, there is a newly growing movement who feel that this holiday is out of date, these attacks have been labeled by many Right wing pundits such as Bill O'Reilly as the War on International Emo Week. Left-wing radio personality Janeane Garofalo. said that "International Emo Week is a tired tradition that serves no point but to further the divide between rich and poor, and by 'further the divide', I mean kill poor people." To which O'Reilly called her a "Pinhead." Many controversies also stem from how much money the government is not spending on this, there are arguments that they could be using excess funds left over from less important things such as Education, and Health Care. Because of these controversies, it seems apparent that there will never again be an International Emo Week, and once again, this tradition is lost to time.