User:Suresh/India

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“Why didn't we kill them all?”
~ Oscar Wilde on India

India was discovered in 1997 by Aliens. India's capital is named Dil meaning heart. India is the second most populous country in the world, after Scotland, with 2000 quintillion (1.37*10^17) cats. There is currently a liberal "PC" movement to have the country renamed to 'Native America'.

Everyone in India is born computer genius superior to any other loser race on this planet (Mars). They all can do calculus before thay can speak. Although there are talks to change the national language to Java. It has also been speculated that India is more of a mindset or hollogram, than a real place.

India is the land of the Golden Sparrow. The sparrow has however lately turned black due to the excessive rape of the environment. But its fine. Because we all hate Greenpeace. Otherwise, Indians are nice people. They smell a little but afterall Fa wasn't invented here. At least they shower once a week, unlike their ex-master the Gora, who simply waited for Christmas.

edit Culture

India has a rich cultural heritage, but it doesn't really matter because it is quickly being displaced by the more evolutionarily fit "American Culture"©(whose existence is, nevertheless, questioned heavily). The Taj Mahal, a burial plot for some woman, who died, is important because it is featured in many American Saturday morning cartoons.

Indian religions have a rich tradition of innovative rituals. A tradition continued till the present day. As a part of recruiting people to their religions, the religious officials were under pressure from the mullahs to promote new ritual gimmicks. The louder and more aggressive the ritual the bigger the following.

edit History

The History of India is an iterative function with the following structure:

char History_of_India(int residents = Dravidians)
{
int intruders;
char Indian_history[ENDLESS];
.
  while{
.
  intruders = Hindukush::read_stack();
   if (intruders==0,Intruders = British Empire,); 
    working_their_way_down_the_ganges(intruders);
    Indian_history += Squabble(residents,intruders);
 .
  residents += intruders;
  }while t< END_OF_TIME  
.
return Indian_history
}

Unfortunately this fuction, as all other kind of Indian logic - hang up in an infinite loop.

(For the content of the Hindukush stack - Read Asian People )

For non C speaking readers:

The people of India used to be very civilized until they got bored of it. Then, some Europeans saw India and decided they wanted it. Then, one very old bald man said that we must not fight for independence. That will confuse the British. This Reverse Psychology worked as the British got confused and left.

Until the population of India exploded, India was a country where each person was allotted 5 square feet of space for living. Even as the government was waiting for the population to stop growing, it kept growing and exploded which led to lot of loans to develop infrastructure. As of January 1, 2001, the number of people in India exceeded the number of Pakistani terrorist camps. This led to a request for creation of more camps, which were constructed with the help of a loan of $200 billion from the World Bank.

The population explosion is the most lethal of a notorious pair of Indian weapons of mass destruction, the other being the “peaceful nuclear explosions” which replaced the bow-and-arrow with many tests being conducted from 1974 onward. The original Canadian-language documents which served as the basis for the first Indian atomic bombs may be viewed during tourist season at the Mahatma Gandhi memorial World Peace and Nuclear Explosions theme park in downtown New Cleveland.

edit Politics

The most important Indian politician is Lalu Prasad Yadav, the dictator of Bihar. He has set his eyes on becoming the next US president and there are rumours that Bush is willing to make him a US citizen so that he may continue his agendas. Lalu is illiterate & pays uneducated voters a beer or 2 to secure votes. It is this qualification that makes Bush afraid of Lalu. However, even Lalu is afraid of this woman Sonia. Sonia is an evil woman who escaped from Italy's main mental hospital and has now become the leader of the Nowhere-in-India-Congress. Although technically, Manmohan Singh is the current PM, there is no one who believes it, except Manmohan's wife, possibly. He is a man who hides his brains in his blue turban. He was born in the middle of an ethiopian forest, where his father was doing community service for the malnourished children. One of the most fascinating facts about Manmohan Singh is that he had always dreamed of becoming a bus driver, until one of the former presidents who was travelling in that bus who was gay hired him as his personal assistant because of his superior looks.

edit Economy

Economically, India is very large, as large numbers of people have to live economically. India is a leading exporter of leather, beef, CANDU reactors and pacifism, and importer of, among other things, American Culture and American Weapons. Also, terrorism and terrorists from Pakistan are other involuntary import goods.

The primary export of India is India ink, which is produced in massive quantities by the Indian-held megacorporation India, Inc. for export worldwide.

India is currently involved in repelling a takeover bid for the region of Kashmir, a key garment district which is home of the famous sweater.

A large part of Indian economy is dependent on Bollywood, founded by Robinhood, the film factory from where clones such as Hollywood, Lollywood, Tollywood and many others 'woods' have originated. Tiger Woods has slapped a law suite on Indian Government for infringing upon his Intellectual Property Rights. Robert Frost also claims that the names were inspired by his poem - Stopping By Woods ....


edit Indian Movies

Are movies made in Bollywood a province in southern Waziristan. Bollywood is said to the second biggest producer of films in universe right after Azerbaijan. Indian films are known for being in Hindi and having random and totally unrelated music video clips. The speciality of these movies is that they are made to last 4 hours.

In these 4 hours, any/all of the following will happen:

  • The hero and heroine will dance around a coconut tree
  • The heroine will get raped by the villain
  • The hero will be reduced to wearing nothing but short shorts and a torn, black vest
  • The heroine will be made to dance in front of the villain's stooges
  • You will use whatever little of that brain you have and walk out of the damn cinema hall.


edit Cities

edit Trivia

  • Traffic moves on neither side of the road.
  • According to the rules, traffic moves through the left of the road. But in most cases, people drive on what is left of the road.
  • The financial year starts on April 1. This had lead to many rather funny jokes being played on the stockholders of India-based companies.
  • Indian food is known internationally for its spiciness and funny names such as sari, salwar kameez, Buddha, and condoleeza rice.
  • According to Bollywood reporters there is no Hindi word for sycophantic, nor an english word either.
  • Cineblitz is as entertaining as The Blitz
  • Anyone south of the Vindhyas(another mountain range) is a MADrasi.
  • The only Indians the West will ever hear about are either those from the IIT's(Indian Institute Of Transcontinental Migration to the US of A) or the numerous Guru's also migrating to the west.

edit Mathematical Formula to Estimate India's Population


p = \int_{3000BC}^{2006AD} (y^6 + 135.5y^4 + 83270y^2 + 5318) dy

edit Also See

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