User:Striker2117

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Consumerismcat

“I do not require a consensus to do what I feel is for the best of Uncyclopedia. When I was democratically made an administrator of this website the community entrusted itself to me. If you feel that my actions are not for the best of Uncyclopedia then just say so. But I think I'm right.”
~ Zombiebaron on the Democratic System
“You'll work harder with a gun in your back, for a bowl of rice a day. Slave for soldiers 'till you starve an your head is skewered on a stake. Now you can go where the people are one. Now you can go where they get things done.”
~ Jello Biafra on Teamwork/Business Ethics
Hanshaketiny This user is a member of the Welcoming Committee, because no other Committee would take them.

edit Me

A person, very possibly not a person, and very possibly a butterfly dreaming about being a Chinese Philosopher dreaming about being a parliament of rooks reading a book about being a unicorn dreaming about being a human.

edit Striker Tells a Little Story

Once upon a time there was a time that was underneath a once. But unfortunately this bit of cheap wordplay did nothing to prevent further writing of this story which can only be considered "little" when compared to the infinite vastness of the universe. The characters are as follows:

Figaro MiDante: A seal with a heart of gold.

Strummin' Joe: A singer/songwriter with a heart of platinum.

Striker Zilt: A man who wishes he were a lunatic, in hopes that it would make life more interesting.

The Carpenter Walrus: A walrus who constructs things out of wood and frequently dupes oysters into being eaten.

Magus Aswell: A sage who doesn't care.


One day all of the aforementioned characters are standing around a small oasis in the middle of a desert. The water had been contaminated with large quantities of hallucinogens and thusly did each one of the characters have a vision.

edit What Figaro Saw

'Twas


                                          brillig
TheKingdom

                   AND










                                          T
VisionQuestHE
















       Slit

TheKingdom
hy

                                  Tove
s














TheKingdom
TheKingdom






































































































The Walrus
     and The
      Car
         pen
            ter
                                                                                   when they
                                                                                     are
                                                                                both full
                                         grown
                                      of all
                                         the                  trees
                                   that are in the
                                                         wood
                    the red queen                is not the queen                                     of hearts.

But though Elliot
    tells us
 that he            came to Carthage
        burning
               burning
                       burning
                               burning
                                      burning
                                             burning
                                                    burning
                                                           burning
                                                                  burning
                                                                         burning
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                                  burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning
                           burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning
                    burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       burning
             burning       burning       burning       burning       burning       
      burning      burning      burning      burning     burning    burning
   burning   burning   burning   burning  burning  burning  burning  burning
 burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburning




b                               ingbu
u                       i       n   r
r     u   n bur                 g   n
n     r   g u  in burni g urnin burni
ingbu n   b r     u   n b r   g     n
n   r i   u n     r   g u n   b r   g
gburn ngbur i     n   b r i   u ningb



OM                                                                    SHANTIH
                     SHANTIH
SHANTIH!


Dance2penguin

Eat Me






Dance2penguin

Eat Me!


Dance2penguin

EAT ME!


Dance2penguin


               EAT ME!


Dance2penguin
EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME!


"I say," said I loudly, "I speak only silence!" But there were no words to describe the silence, for in silence there are no words. The silence was the only thing that spoke, and what it said cannot be written, for no words can do it justice. Water washed over the seal like a hot flame and tossed him into the air before eviscerating him on the sharp earth below. But there was no pain and no death, as the seal became part of the earth and of the air and of the fire and of the water, and by being all four he was both permitted and denied from becoming part of the aether. For the aether exists within all things, and all things exist within the aether; but neither postulate precludes any possibility of existence within the aether or composure thereof. For the aether is the void, and the spirit, and all that that is not.

BUT ONLY ON THURSDAYS
He                             who                                 has                   
                                                                        ears
                               let
                                   him 
                                       see
      and                 he               who                   has                  eyes
              let                              him                             speak.


edit
Five blind men came upon and elephant.

"My what big teeth you have", said the blind man to his deaf friend after seeing the elephant's tusks.

"All the better to eat you with, my deer!" said the elephant.

And the mute man tried to warn the others, but it was too late. For the elephant had seen through their disguises and found them all to be deer. The elephant quickly devoured two of the blind men, before the others revealed themselves to be mice disguised as deer disguised as men. As elephants are afraid of mice, the elephant ran away while the three blind mice participated in ritualistic self-mutilation of their tails with a carving knife. "Have you ever seen such a sight in your life?" asked the mute man to the deaf man. But the deaf man had begun revealing himself as a cat, who played with the mice and then ate them. "Come now," said the deaf cat who had pretended to be a man to the mute man, "What are you really?" The mute man, knowing he was truly a mute man, said nothing and left.


Moral: Nothing is as it seems, including those things you think aren't as they seem.

And then amidst shaking and quaking and aching and baking and braking and breaking and faking and flaking and making and raking and shaking and snaking and staking and taking and waking and forsaking and mistaking; Figaro awoke from his hallucinations and made a startling discovery. He had believed himself before this enlightenment to be an aquatic mammal which ate penguins and was eaten by whales and was clubbed by men, but he found that he was actually a circular spread of gold wax with the shape of a heart in the middle used to hold an envelope together and show that it had not been opened.

If any of that made sense to you, get your head examined (but not by a doctor).

edit Stummin' Joe's Vision

edit A Quote

"But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet- and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.
"
~T.S.Elliot
Purge the impure quote?

edit Things I Made

Bold means featured.

  1. UnNews:Booms stolen as oil spill worsens
  2. HowTo:Part the Red Sea
  3. Why?:Is a raven like a writing desk?
  4. Fecesbook
  5. UnNews:Beaches_oiled_for_maintenance
  6. Homeowner association
  7. HowTo:Be A Journalist
  8. Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
  9. South Dakota
  10. Discordianism (Contributed as an ICer)
  11. Creationism (Very minor contribution as ICer)
  12. Gore Theory
  13. Sterling Morton
  14. Articles of Confederation

edit Things I Reviewed

  1. Article: Fight Club Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fight Club
  2. Article: Maniac Cop Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Maniac_Cop
  3. Article:Mattress Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mattress
  4. Article: Mecca Vice Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mecca Vice
  5. Article: VMCSE Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/VMCSE

edit Other

Awards, Titles, and other such things

Currently (re)writing: User:Striker2117/rewrite Why?:We Can't Have Nice Things User:Striker2117/My_Sojourn_with_Mr.Winkler_to_steal_a_Euroipod_from_a_grue:A_Retrospective

Sssshhh, this isn't here: _ __ . .

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