User:St. Fenix/Friesland

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You may be looking for Frisia and not even know it!


“I couldn't think of a flatter more boring place... with the exception of Kansas.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Frisia
Frieslandmap

Friesland, and its boring fishing colonies.

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about St. Fenix/Friesland.

Friesland (Fryslân in Frisian) is a province of the Netherlands, and the country's national shame. [1] In 1927 the province briefly became a country. Unleashing the Dutch-Frisian War. Friesland is inhabited primarily by the Frisians, although quite a few pathetic Dutch live there as well.

edit Friesland history

Frisia was created alongside The Netherlands, however instead of being Dutch they decided that they would hold a Beer Rebbellion of their own, thus creating the Frisians. The Frisians live on the coast of the North Sea, largely because few others would want to. They have since spread to many other coasts around the world where no-one else would live.

Although not being independant they are largely known for their strong Capitalist senses and are usually used en masse by the Dutch to breed "Two Cows" This reliance however has created a culture that revolves around the catching of Fish off coasts, and the raising of cows. Leading the Frisians to be known as one of the least intelligent branches of the German Family. And by far one of the most peaceful.

Frisian clock

The most elaborate thing any Frisian has ever made, this clock depicts the most interesting thing they have ever done.

The Frisians were briefely involved in the Dutch-Frisian war, when Frisians refused to raise Dutch cows for a year citing "We need a Break,". The Dutch quickly denied their quest stating: "You've never wanted one before, why one now?". The Frisians then decided that they would govern their own time slots of work and declared Frisian Independance. The Dutch then declared Commercial war upon the Frisians.

This ended up killing over 30,000 Friesians because none of them had any sort of weapons beyond a pitchfork. [2]

The Dutch Government however was running out of bullets to put into Frisian skulls, so they compromised by naming Frisian one of the official languages of the Netherlands, making the Frisians feel important for the first and last time in their history. Burger King also launched a mildly serious complaint against the Dutch government because they were no longer receiving their terrible quality beef from the Frisians.

WWII was a turning point in Frisian history in that for the first time in their recorded and most likely un-recorded history they raised cows, not for the Dutch but for the Germans. It was the Germans that left the Frisians with the only sense of Germanic heritage that they ever aquired, beggining for the first time in their history to drink beer. This however didn't last long when friesland was liberated. And they quickly went back to eating Fish and cows.

The Frisians continue to live life on the fast-wagon, with their pitchforks in one hand, and their torches in the other.

edit Frisian language

While closely related to Engrish, Frisian is full of many letters and vowels. In fact there are more then are needed in any word. This is a tradition carried down from Dutch contact, and leaves many to not understand a single word that any Frisian is saying at any given time. It is believed that if one speaks English loud enough to them that they shall most likely understand it, this has become so common that loud English may become a second Frisian language.

edit Famous Frisians

edit Friesland as part of Frisia

Frisian Flag

The Frisian Flag after WWII, created as a sign of Frisian Embrace of German Kultur, It didn't last long.

Friesland comprises the most Southern part of Greater Frisia, and indeed many more Frisians live across the border in Germany. Don't let this fool you however, they still exist only to tend to cows and fish. They do however have one important characteristic that is different from the Frisians in Friesland: they drink beer regularly. It is because of this that the Northern Frisians have become far more powerfull then their southern Bretheren, often being referred to as: The Prussians of the Frisians.

edit Frisian Work Ethic

edit Frisian Capitalism

Living for centuries under Dutch Capitalism The Frisians have developed out of all Germanic peoples a Peasant Mentality. Believing that: "A good Frisian is an Oppressed Frisian", "A Frisian without work, has been in a coffin for 5 years.", and lastly "We NEED to be Oppressed by something, why not Capitalism?". A Good Frisian it is believed while living under Capitalism can produce over 10 sets of two cows over the period of a year. Any Frisian found making sets of one cow, are often executed in mass public displays of contempt. This is often associated with the famous Frisian Chant: "If he can't make two, he doesn't deserve to.".

edit Frisian Communism

Since Frisians are most happy under a system in which they themselves are oppressed above all others, with all fruits of their labor going to the higher classes, the typical Frisian often takes joy in working in factories and farms in which they are viciously oppressed, this is often cited by the fact that most Frisians find that if they are not oppressed as their fathers were, they often rebel and create a government in which they are properly oppressed.

edit Footnotes

  1. It is considered the only place where the Dutch have tried to assimilate a local population, which was attempted with disastrous results.
  2. Granted one Dutchman died thanks to stumbling over a rock, and having his face impaled by a rake. This was internationally acclaimed as "the bloodiest day in the war".

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