User:Spiret9/UnBooks:Emo Chick

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edit Chapter 1: Emo Chick

Emo chick is an emo chick.She has many exciting hobbies. The first being failing her drivers test. She enjoys doing this as it makes her feel like she is a nothing (and not a nerd like her mummy likes to think of her). Emo chick doesn't like to stand out from the crowd. She likes to just go about her day, wearing her super hot pink eyeliner and her black lipstick. Wearing her favorite blue bucket hat. Emo chick has never been a big fan of friends, which is why she likes failing her drivers license test - because if you have your license then you're cool - if you don't then you're not. Emo chick doesn't want to be cool - she wants to be a loser. The second being forcing little girls to get into her car. The reason being is because it makes her feel superior. Ofcourse, she doesn't actually want to rape them - she just wants to look down upon them and mock them. Her third exciting hobbie is to pluck her toe hairs. Emo Chick has very hairy toes. The easiest way to describe them is to picture her as an ape. Now, replace every part of her body except her toes with an Emo Chick. Now, in your mind look at your toes. If you have pictured them correctly you shold be seeing an apes toes - yes that is how hairy Emo Chicks toes are. When you have toes as hairy as Emo Chicks you grow to love the feeling of plucking a hair from them. Yes boys and girls, this is why Emo Chick loved plucking her toe hairs.

Emogirl

Emo Chick on her happiest day (she just finished plucking her toes)

As well as being a loser who has many exciting hobbies, Emo Chick also (for some unknown reason) has four little boys in love with her. The first little boys name is Bob. Bob (as you can tell) has a very short name. Which means that he is very short. He is also a little fat kid (he looks really funny when he runs). He has blue hair and black eyebrows. No one knows why he has blue hair and black eyebrows. He was just born that way. Infact, he was in the newspaper when he was born as The first baby ever born with a full head of hair that is blue!. Yes, Bob has been corrupted by childhood fame, when he was five he was arrested for selling pot at his primary school. He is also the youngest child to ever become a drug dealer.

The second boy in love with Emo Chicks name is Bobbie. He has a very long name - which automatically means that he is as tall as a giant! Bobbie has to plait his armpits because the hairs from them are soooooooooo long. He cannot shave his armpits because he is a boy - and boys don't shave! Bobbie also has hippie-hair. He also plaits his hair because it is so long. Once, a teache told him to cut it, so Bobbie stepped on the teacher with his big feet! Bobbie believes in the phrase peace man manages to fit it into every sentence he says.

The third boys name is Bobo. His name is middle in length. So, ofcourse Bobo is a middle-sized person. Infact, Bobo is very "middle" or "average" in every single way. In example, he always gets exactly 50% in all of his exams. His hair is long but not short. His feet are average in size. His beard is not long, but not short. Yes, there is not one thing about Bobo that is not middle or average.

The fourth, and final boy who is in love with Emo Chick, his name is Boberto. Boberto is as small as a maggot. It is very hard for me to describe Boberto as you would need a microscope to see all of his features. I am currently looking at him and all I can tell is that he is very, very, very, very, very small (lucky mother who gave birth to him! Would not of even ralised she was pregnant! Let alone giving birth!), and that he has very pale skin. If I was him I would put a whole tube of sunblock on before going out in the sun.

edit Chapter 2: Bob

One day, (it was Saturday the 25th of October at 8:07am to be precise) Emo Chick was taking her morning bike ride on her rainbow coloured bicycle (that she named Garrik after the evil warlord she defeated last night on World of Warcraft - yes it was a very exciting day for Emo Chick) and she bumped into Bob! Infact, it was a mighty bump, it caused a massive explosion and killed three pedestrians, Bob and Emo Chick were lucky to get off the bridge before it collapsed.

As they ran to safety (actually Emo Chick rode her bike to safety, Bob asked her if he could hop on the handle bars but Emo Chick pushed him off - which is why it is especially amazing that Bob made it out alive) they found themselves staring into the others eyes, thinking about naughty things that only married couples and prostitutes are allowed to do. They finally made it off the ten metre bridge when Bob kissed Emo chick lightly, on the foot. In fact, to this day, Emo Chick still does not know if it was intentional or if he just fell...

When Bob scrambled to his feet he said to Emo chick, "Emo Chick, I love the way you always fail your drivers license test. I want to be with you forever! If I am not, I will only eat cheese for the rest of my life!"

Emo Chick solemnly replied, "Sorry shithead, your name is too short. Go eat some cheese."

So Bob walked of loudly, stomping over trash cans and yelling "fuck off!" to each and every old-man and little fat kid he could find (which is ironic don't you think - being that he was one of the fattest little fat kids the world has ever seen.)

That was the last Emo Chick ever saw of Bob, she will always remember his Blue hair and black eyebrows, she will dream of them. Each and every night.

edit Chapter 3: Bobbie

Emo Chick cycled back to her car and put Garrik into the trunk of her minivan (Lola) and started to drive home. On the way she saw a group of girl scouts, so she decided to put three of them into a big bag that she saves especially for these occasions and take them home for the night (or week... or month...or year...or forever...)


When emo chick got home, she smuggled the three little girls out of her car and into her bedroom before her mummy could see!

When she got up to the room she let the three little girls out of the big sack.

The first little girl got out of the sack. This girl had a monobrow and blonde hair. She told Emo Chick, "Please don't rape me! I don't have enough money to pay for all the councilling I would need!"

So emo chick had a mighty laugh and then said, "Alright, climb out the window, its only a thirty metre drop you won't die." So the first little girl jumped out the window and splattered to her death.

The second little girl had brown hair and no eyebrows. She told emo chick, "Please don't rape me!My mummy is hosting a big book party for me and it starts in an hour!"

So Emo chick had a mighty chuckle and said, "Alright, climb out the window, its only a thirty metre drop you won't die." So the second little girl jumped out the window and also splattered to her death.

The third little girl was actually a little boy dressed in a prostitutes clothes. He quickly undressed himself and told emo chick, "Emo chick, its me, Bobbie! I love it when you force little girls into your car. I want to be with you forever! If I am not, I will only eat bricks for the rest of my life!"

Emo Chick said, "I'm sorry prostitute. Before I force you out of my house. I would like to know one thing - what is your stripper name?"

And Bobbie replied, "Bambi. Why?"

"No reason. I'm thinking about becoming a stripper when I drop out of school. Okay. What I was going to say is; I'm sorry fuckwit, actually I'm not sorry, but your name is too long. Go eat a brick."

So Bobbie took out a brick from the house and ate it and died from eating a brick.

edit Chapter 4: Bobo

The next day at lunch, Emo Chick was just settling down in her coffin when a knock came at the door. Emo Chicks hill-billy mother was out eating grass, so Emo Chick had to put some clothes on, and trudge down the stairs to answer the door.

And guess who was at the door? Emo Chicks lunch lady from school. The lunch-lady was dressed in a hair-net (as is the fashion among lunch-ladies these days...) and pants that were so high that they covered her boobs.

"Bobo wanted me to give you this - I don't know why, the stupid pussy wasn't brave enough to give it to you himself I guess." said the Lunch-lady as she handed over and envelope with pink cursive hand-writing and lots of kisses in red lip-stick all over it (which is a bit weird don't you think children? Considering that he is a boy...) The lunch-lady trudged back up the mountain path and Emo Chick ran back up the stairs.

Emo Chick opened the envelope and read what was inside. It said:

Emo Chick, I love the way you pluck your toe hairs. I want to be with you forever. If I am not - I will only eat orange-skins for the rest of my life.

- With the greatest amount of love a boy can give without sounding gay, Bobo.

Emo Chick wrote an email to Bobo (because she was much more tech-savvy than Bobo). The email said:

edit Chapter 5: Boberto

The Next day Emo Chick went to see Boberto (yes this is the climax of the story!!!!)

Boberto is a boxing-chess player. Boxing-chess (or choxing) requires a great amount of brains (which is ironic since a guy is punching you in the head half the time) and a great amount of braun.

When Boberto had finished being smashed in the head and having his king killed, Emo Chick went to see him. She said, "Boberto, you are the smallest boy I have ever met, I only like little boys. I want to be with you forever - if I am not, I will only ever eat dirty socks for the rest of my life!"

And Boberto replied, "'Tis true that thy once did love thee, but thy haveth found-eth a hotter girl. Go-eth and eat-eth some dirty sock-eths!"

Now, the stadium that the Boxing-chess games were held at was situated right next to a hospital. Though, today the hospital was having its annual Christmas Festival because hospitals cannot close on Christmas. So every year, this special hospital has a christmas festival on October 29th (which is the day that the least injuries occur).

So when Emo Chick did a round-house kick and dropped Boberto to the ground. Then stole his left sock (which was the dirtiest...) and began to eat the sock. Boberto dialled called the hospital. The Hospital told him to go to the other hospital - but there was none.

R.I.P

Emo Chick

0001-2010

She died as she had lived - eating weird things.

In the Obituaries, Emo Chicks death is listed as; Murder by a stupid hospital run by dik-diks[1]

On October 30th 2010 the whole Hospital staff was arrested. Which was for the best, it meant that Emo Chicks life had some meaning, some prophesy, and it meant that her life meant something...

Bob:

Bob ended up becoming the world’s youngest person to ever have their entire arteries clog. He also became the world’s first black man with wranger pubic hair and blue hair.

Bobbie:

Is still lying naked in Emo Chicks room.

Bobo:

Actually ended up marrying the Lunch-lady - I didn't see that coming either!

Boberto:

Became an Opera singer. He is now known as Mika.

[1] a dik-dik is a type of deer-like animal. I have no idea why the governement thought the hospital was run by animals...

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