User:Someperson39/UnBooks:Conservapedia for Dummies
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
edit Conservapedia's Setup
Conservapedia is a wiki, which means that anyone can edit it. Conservapedia is an encyclopedic wiki full of truth. You ask "Wait, one of these already exists! It's called Wikipedia!" Well, Wikipedia is an encyclopedic wiki, but it's full of problems. First of all, they're hypocrites! They have a policy called NPOV, which is No Point of View, but it does have a point of view! It has LPOV, or Liberal Point of View. You're a person who wants to write conservatively biased articles, not liberally biased articles! Your works will be deleted at Wikipedia! So that's why there's Conservapedia! They write articles from OPOV, or O'Reilly Point of View! So back on wiki editing, Conservapedia is like Wikipedia on the editing availibility except for these points: Conservapedia does not allow IP editing. They disallow this not because it prevents vandalism, but so your IP address is not revealled to the public. You must create an account using some form of your real name so they know you're not a liberal trying to ruin the good writing of the wiki. But to be a really good Conservapedian, you must create multiple accounts using a form of your family and friends' names like MJackson, DumboP13 or GBeckfan (The latter one is a techinque for a user name called "conservative praise"). The Admins will praise you and your IP address for multiple accounts, quite contrary to the claim that they will ban you. When it is nighttime in the U.S., even people with accounts can't edit at all! They do this so Americans can get their beauty sleep, which British and Austrailian users don't need! They're blocked during the day (in the U.S.)!
edit Conservapedia's History
Conservapedia started as a project for a homeschooler named ASchlaffly. He wanted his middle and high schoolers to become right-wing pundits. Mr. Teacher had them write Conservapedia articles as assignments so he could watch Conservative programming. They all failed due to improper rudiments of grammar and too unbiased information, so he gave up on those Geniuses. He sent all of them to military school and opened up his wiki to the public. Conservapedia now is lagging behing Illogicopedia in article count at 4,987 articles full of conservative truths! Do you want to learn how to edit Conservapedia? Well look in the next chapter.
As said before, articles are written from an O'Reilly Point of View. For those of you Fox News watchers that have never seen the O'Reilly Factor, this book will explain O'Reilly Point of View and other Conservapedia Doctrines that are
not open for debate.
edit O'Reilly Point of View
The only two acceptble citation sources are the Bible and conservative television.
edit How to be Conservative and not Just Liberal
Here is another area of tips on writing. First, we are going to work on O'Reilly Point of View. Ooops, I forgot! Articles not relating to politics or religion must be really short (about 2 sentences). So here are some sample entries which are bad and then one that is good.
- Barack Obama is the 44th President of the United States. He was born in Honolulu, Hawaii.
-Bad! It is written from NPOV and it is facty! It also is very short for a political article and does not have enough misspellings! Let's try again.
- Johnny Cash was a horrible conservative rappper that loves Bush! He is a dummy!-
Worse! It is written from LPOV! Let's try yet again hopeful grasshopper. Here is a better, but not yet good one...
- Oprah is a popular secular talk show host that is a liberal also. She denies the existance of God."-
Better, but not quite. It has a conservative bias, but is not really OPOV. Here is another that is acceptable.
- Dr. Phil is a Comunist that hats humin rigts and leberties. He want us all to becom psychitwists. He is mared to Kenyn dictatr Taylr Swft.-
Awesome! It has bias, unfactiness and standard Conservapedian misspellings!
edit The Community
Conservapedia is a conservative wiki with conservative people. They have admins that are there to help you and don't ban anybody for bad reason. So, I am going to outline good Conservapedian conduct.
edit Other Users
You should say bad things to other users on their talk pages. You should call them liberals and Obama lovers! The admins won't ban you for this.
There will be no debates between you and other users or admins. All facts are written in stone. Conservatism rules and admins will not make exceptions on the rules for you for the well being of other users.
Admins are their to help you. They want you to succeed as a Conservapedian and write good truths. They won't delete pages about TV or other stuff like that. They absolutely won't criticize you. They
don't care about you and are there to help you. One thing they ask, don't debate! They won't ban you for antyhing! Not even LPOV or debating! They love their newbies and don't expect them to know all the rules! So, the admins are so caring and loving.
edit User Pages
You can only use your user page to describe your conservatism. What admins love is for you to go around blanking other peoples' user pages. Hey, why not blank other articles while you're at it?!
Conservapedia has a few rules, some we have talked about and some we have not.
- No NPOV
- No LPOV
- No debating
- 10/90 Rule
- Blank other users' user pages
- No hot dogs on Wednesday
Obviously, you can't use NPOV or LPOV, only OPOV. You obviously can't debate and you must go blanking and you won't get a ban! Now, the 10/90 Rule is a rule that states that edits must be 10% Quality Edits and 90% Useless Talking. Oh, you can't eat hot dogs on Wednesday because ASchlaffly can't. Privledges such as sanity and nighttime editing are earned by doing community service for ASchlaffly. So, go to his house, work and earn some privledges!
So, I hope this book has helped you newbies be good Conservapedians! So go out there, use the knowledge this for dummies book has taught you and impress the admins!