User:Solati/John “big job” Prescott defends his expense claims
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Solati/John “big job” Prescott defends his expense claims
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, August 30, 2015, 00:07:UTC)(
10 May 2009
Speaking exclusively to UnNews, former Deputy UK Prime Minister John Prescott today defended himself against claims that he had abused public trust by filling his second home with lavatories at the taxpayers’ expense. Asked whether he was following Green Book rules, which stipulate that all MPs’ expenses must be ‘exclusively for the purpose of performing Government business’, Mr Prescott laughed and told UnNews, “They don’t call me 'big job' Prescott for nothing. When I do my business, it’s Government business. Look at it this way: my role in government is all-embracing. I’m constantly thinking of new ways to use government money to improve the lives of the people of this country, and that includes myself, obviously. I always work while I eat, which means I can claim the maximum food allowance, and I work incredibly hard at other times too, especially when I'm going to the toilet.” Mr Prescott has apparently had a lav fitted in his front room and another in his bedroom. “There’s nothing in the rules that says I can’t claim for having fitted toilets,” he explained.
As a sufferer of various eating disorders, including ‘hurry’, a condition that causes undigested food to pass straight through the body, Prescott said, “Just because I’m working class doesn’t mean I don’t use an indoor toilet. Sometimes I need to go pretty badly, and having a toilet in each room avoids little accidents.” The House of Commons Expenses Committee approved Mr Prescott’s not unusual expense claim immediately after he passed wind in the chamber in 2008, causing an evacuation. Asked whether he was embarrassed about this, Mr Prescott told UnNews, “I’m a traditional socialist. I told the expenses committee that if I can’t go then nobody can go. My bowels were playing up a bit at the time, which may have had something to do with them paying my bills without any further trouble. To say my toilet claims were out of order is complete crap.”