User:Sog1970/Interactive Periodic Table/F

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To give it its full title, F***ium is the most sexually explicit of all elements and is almost never able to be isolated as a pure element, being almost inseparable from Element 92 with which it bonds fearsomely tightly to form FU, the most offensive compound known to man.



Due to the strength of F-U bonds most of element F’s chemistry is centred on this incredibly common compound which is found in the mouths of teenagers all over the world. During the laboratory preparation of pure FU (or courtship) atoms of both elements slowly parade in front of each other, egging on their fellows until they begin to circle madly. Eventually, individual F atoms break away to approach U atoms seemingly at random, attempting to force their outer electrons violently into the inner orbitals of the selected partner. The U atoms make a brief show of resistance (known as foreplay) but soon willingly submit to the union. In the words of Sir Humphrey Davy, discoverer of the reaction:

“Ye atoms of U are most unchaste of all God’s creations. Verily, it is true that they like it up ‘em and, yea, all over their tittes.”

Though element F is mostly found in divalent FU molecules, threesomes and so called “moresomes” have also been observed with F2U and FU2 being found all over the world in increasing quantities, whereas German and Scandinavian chemists are said to have isolated macromolecules of up to F40U40 which they have named Swing-ine.

Japanese scientists claim to have discovered a molecule in which multiple F atoms surround a central U atom and bathe it in a sea of delocalised electrons, this has been christened Bukkakine.

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