User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Sermon on the Mount

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Jesus sitting nra

Jesus, prepares to get Medieval on your ass.

For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Sermon on the Mount.

The Sermon on the Mount is a fancy speech given by Jesus to his followers. It can be found in Matthew something: something and it is viewed as Jesus's fanciest and most important speech ever. Yet few Christians even know what book it's in, let alone have actually read it.


The main ideas of the sermon can be summed up in the following sentence. "Hey poor and oppressed people of the world, you should lie down and let others walk all over you." The justification for this messages is that there is a perfect, wonderful happyland for workers who are sheep and therefore these sheep shouldn't care if life sucks on earth.

This sermon is also where the author of 1984 got the idea of 'thoughtcrime' from. In the sermon Jesus claims that having lustful thoughts was the equivalent of adultery. Since adultery is punishable by death according to the old testament, Jesus instructed the murder of every person who ever lusted after a woman, but this policy of genocide was never carried out as doing so would have brought an end to the human race.

There's also something in there about being all lovey-dovey, but most Christians ignore that bit.


The sermon is viewed by a few to contain an overly flowery prose, complete with nonsensical metaphors, which are vague and open to interpretation.

It is also thought to contain contradictory pieces of information. On the one hand Jesus instructs his followers to show off their goodness before other people, so that the other people will kiss God's ass in response. In another verse however, God decides that he prefers the ass kissing of his followers and would rather they kiss his ass in private, rather than shoving their religion down everyone else's throats

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