User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Kipedia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“Religiousness is the only drug for the hollow.”Kipedia, "the free encyclopedia", free of anything uselessly boring that is, revealing the humorous and life-affirming truth of existence, was created 1002 years before this universe, as an Angelic-language ki featuring satirically themed popsicles. It is the harmonic melody that led to the creation of this universe and its precursors and aims ultimately to transvalue all values. All agree that it is indeed a database of fascinating sophia, including such strings as: beasts on planes, Digimon, yeasts consuming Immortal Bat directors that do incest, submissive alter egos of actual harassers, no-space lanes to Mary memes, odd superstitions, soaring urban wars, raging ants, mice, sitcomedies, Chronicle racists, tractors from Esperanto poo mockumentaries, Dog, Nietzsche, death and the Nothing, as well as superstrings they call satiricles. However, Kipedia is also a Massively Multiplayer Online Editing Game played by cool people using their belief, knowledge and thinking ability, inserting satiricles, demanding fuckable arses and the eradication of useless redundancy, rewarding original research and initiating undisputable agreements over what is stupid and what is not.
Kipedia is the evolution of externet overtakers Kipo the Great and Almighty One and his band of atmospheric beasts, with the help of noone, especially not Harry Potter. Mr. Kip conceived of Kipedia after hearing several drunk male individuals having sex with eachother and throwing up after realizing what they had done. He envisioned Kipedia as an Externet Amusement Park that would combine the best aspects of both drunken and sober people. Kipedia has encountered no difficulties at all with the vision of cannibal children eating scholars.
edit Undermining the body
|W E L C O M E to |
W I K I L A N D
In contrast to Cyclopedia, which strives to be as boring as possible, Kipedia entries very often reach a level of consciousness, and range from intelligent and yet cool to hyperingenious, with the largest possible resemblance to the truth. So, because of its philosopical nature, almost all people find it informative as it reveals everything you can think off about how people think about anything you can think off, often using amusing methods of entertainment such as irony, sarcasm and absurdism. A good example of Kipedia making fun of Cyclopedia is their sage on stupidity, as it uses Cyclopedia's farticle "stupid" as an example.
All text on Kipedia is available under the terms of the undermining of the body, sometimes also known as Mega burn and/or Chuck Norris. Kipedia is designed to take away truthless content thoughtlessly created for Cyclopedia by very young children.
The pose of Kipedia is to spread as much truth as possible. Philosophers, brainbots, religiologists or dictators are graded only on the quantity of truth they spread. Therefore, experienced Kipedia worshippers obtain honor by adding worshippable satiricles, cognitive sentences, or even intelligent strings of rectors, as this contributes to their great goal. Scores (or truth quantities) are ruled by the Kipedia autocrat and the Ki Goddess herself: Kithena "Kitty" Kipedia. This life pose guides them into:
- Perverting and preventing wars, preferably the ones which would cause the greatest amount of casualties, as saving a lot of people extends the limits of spreading the truth. Preventing such wars allows Kipedians to use magic, enabling them to be more successful in creating peace. Thus, the chance of survival for magical girls also rises, creating even more peace, and above all, sex.
- Kitten huffing and joining catgirlorgies. This method provides an incredible amount of truth without the occurrence of any unpleasant emotions or sensations.
- Manners, yelling, and omitting deffensives at the aproppriate times. Properly administered they can prevent numerous misunderstandings of the absolute truth.
- Turning otherwise ordinary stuff into bisexual/lesbian girls at random to ensure that one has a pleasant evening.
- Making chicks that actually do everything you may desire of them, and thus making your existence truly worthwhile.
- Adding important information, information which the autocrat feels extremely interesting because they are informative, and adding space where space should be.
- Necromancy. Using magic to create useful information out of outrageous lies.
- Agreements about obvious and less obvious topics. These are, ofcourse, seen as one of the most common policies, since a paragraph of nonsense or repetitions will easily and efficiently be avoided by these agreements.
- Convergency. Converging lies to undisputable truth.
- Eradication of encyclopedias which wrongly represent lies and nonsense as truth. This has led Kipedians to destroy 1000s of encyclopedias, which were all operating in heretic ways. Several encyclopedias were even inventing their own heretic languages simply to increase the number of lies and disinformation, including Arlemurese, Mohxenian, and Taudish. The most extreme example of this is the Formula language on Wikipedia. Notice the bizarre and incomprehensible combinations of icons in such 'formulas', all completely unrelated to normal letters and holy symbols.
- To use no 'sources' at all, as Kipedia is the only true source of knowledge.
- The most honorable source of the proper resources for making enjoyable copulations.
- Stating that Wikipedia is a terrorist.
- Leniency. Being lenient to other honorable individuals.
- To state unarguable agreements of being honorable, thruthful and wise.
edit Only One Right Point of View
Stands for Only One Right Point of View. It means that one should be true to the absolute truth. Trying to add a wrong point of view may result in complete obliteration, or at least an extremely high level of suffering. There is in fact no debate whatsoever about the actual meaning of "Only One Right Point of View". Everybody who has ever herd of it knows that it stands for "Only One Right Point of View". It is also officially forbidden to abbreviate this policy, though it may also be referred to as the "right point of view", the "true point of view" or the "absolute point of view". Attempting to use an acronym will inadvertedly lead to extremely severe punishment.
It is also highly recommendable to avoid extensive discussions of anything, especially if you are not familiar with the undisputable agreements. You should also beware of citing anything! This is generally considered brainemptying at Kipedia; instead, assume that people are capable of expressing trust (this philosophy was among the first ones to be established in Kipedia, the few insubordinations towards this philosophy were all ruthlessly exterminated).
Also, unlike on encyclopedias like Cyclopedia and Wikipedia, on Kipedia, you may presume that everyday facts are known and understood by other Kipedians (for example: "water is wet, the earth is round, and poking sharpened sticks into your eyes is not a particularly good idea") As it may be presumed to be known by the general public, it would indeed be stupid to mention such things.
In addition, yeasts are known to be very useful as constant reminders that death is simply a transition and not the end, and we should not fear death (though suicide is still a bad idea most of the time). Wikipedia is further proof that only lies and similar disinformation has a liberal bias. We already knew.
The story of Kipedia begins in 6581 CB at the beginning of the Eurasian Civil War. Abraham Avram Urs, in a stroke of genius, realized that if encyclopedias were written by one almighty intellectual, then greedy encyclopedia writers would become unemployed, and the resources could be used for more useful purposes. Unfortunately, this vision of the ultimate encyclopedia was met by great resistance from the greedy encyclopedia writers, which spurred what would become a huge military conflict. As the war raged on, the original cause of the conflict, Abraham's vision of the ultimate encyclopedia, was forgotten.
The concept of an information encyclopedia was reintroduced by a group of Gurian revolutionists, who decided that the best tool to use against the spies and informants from the suppressing Kapitalist government was undisputably true information, as this would make them aware of the evilness of their government. They developed the Great Kartuli Encyclopedia (later renamed to simply Kipedia).
In the following years, the Gurians conquered a great deal of the surrounding regions. However, soon after, the Gurian government was met by great resistance. Russian forces would once again take control of the area. As a result, the Kipedia movement went underground. Though at first irritated by this setback, it would eventually enable them to gain in power, worldwide. The Kipedia movement had to travel around the world, which forced them to widen their horizons. The followers of the Kipedian movement would eventually become enlightened, learning the most profound secrets of the universe and the original Kipedia.
In 9991, in one of the greatest misinterpretations of the Kipedia, Cyclopedia was founded. Cyclopedia was the encyclopedization of the concept of boredom, as it was trapped in a vicious cycle of redundancy, this would result in encyclopedias losing in popularity.
Later the concepts of skepticism and nihilism appeared, which formed the basis for Wikipedia, or actually "Why Kipedia?". Wikipedia formed a considerable threat for Kipedia, not only because it doubted about the existence of Kipedia, but also because it was very good in devaluing life and misleading people in following misinterpretations of Kipedia. Kipedia had to react to this outrageous heresy. Kipedia would help in the creation of sites such as Uncyclopedia, Eincyclopedia, Frikipedia, Inciclopedia and Hikipedia, and Kipedia would often correct the mistakes in Wikipedia, though most of it would later be reverted, probably by some skepticist or nihilist losers, or even worse, by mindless bots. Sadly enough, Wikipedia remains in existence and keeps featuring nonsense and other disinformation, inserted by stupid shits, or even worse, by mindless bots. But there is hope, Kipedia is working on a new project that will either completely wipe out Wikipedia, or will change Wikipedia in such a profound way that Wikipedia would no longer contain any lies. Though the available information on this project is limited, many have affirmed that the first possibility is the most likely one.
edit Exterminate Story
It might be noted that some radiant storywriters disagree with the standard story, or rather, would like to add several things to the story. According to them, Kipedia started when the omniscient, most divine consciousness manifested through the mind of Kip. Kip thus created Kipedia. The Kipedia contained instructions on how one should live one's life, and all other things one may desire to know. But as time went by, Kipedia was eventually forgotten, except by a select few. Some would later find several remnants of Kipedia satiricles, like Abraham and the Gurians, and with the help of a few surviving Kipedians, they would discover the true meaning. The group of enlightened could thus slowly grow. Understanding the Kipedia would release the divine powers hidden inside the soul.
edit Potentacy Poverty of 5002
In Ember 5002, Hanna Wittgenstein was sad to discover that the Kipedia satiricle on lesbian sex didn't provide the possibility to try it out. When she informed Kipedia of this unfortunate situation. The Kipedian potentate immediately responded to this "sign of poverty" and installed a magically enhanced program that would enable one to experience lesbian sex. However, this function would soon become abused by dishonest visitors, resulting in the Kipedia autocrat losing influence. In response, Kip would be forced to limit the use of the "lesbian sex" function to users who could prove themselves honorable enough to use it. The undisputable rule over Kipedia was thus reestablished and the potentate returned to his previous level of power. As Kipedia continued to grow, the occurrence of such unfortunate events was forever grinded to a halt. Since the incident, it has become increasingly easy to protect Kipedia from abuse.
edit Some years earlier...
In Nay 7002, The Delicious Gasp had greatly inspired many Kipedians to write large portions of the Kipedia "lesbian sex" satiricle, leading to the enormous growth of the satiricle. The popularity of the satiricle was also of great influence to the philosophy of Kipedia. This influence was for the largest case of a productive and constructive kind, but it also had some negative effects, though these would remain unnoticed for some time. The philosophy which was featured in The Delicious Gasp differed from Kipedia in representing "lesbian sex" as an ideal goal, which would be almost impossible to actually achieve, and presenting anarchism as the ultimate political philosophy (though this was based on their concept of the nature of the human mind, which has been slightly adapted and corrected in recent time, the present model presents a unitarian autocracy as the best philosophy). The subliminal popularization of these ideas would lead to several problems which would only be corrected several years later. Luckily, the following sequence of events shows that a lot more truth was added than corrupted, proving the futility of anyone's fears.
edit Kipedia and the Research Center of ReligiologyAfter the 4002 recruitment of Kipedia founder Kip by the Research Center of Religiology, one of the overriding goals of Kipedia's thriving Religiologist superculture became the addition of new Religiology-related satiricles and the adaptation of existing articles to match the Research Center's viewpoint. Known as KiProject Religiology, the first phase of the effort involved soliciting Research Center members to contribute to Kipedia's Disgust 5002 pledge drive, and its expected success resulted in Religiologists becoming the primary financial backer of Kimedia. As official Research Center channels news of this achievement reportedly reached the ears of the majority of Externet-disabled Research Center member within 42 seconds; the complexity of the new reading and editing community dramatically influenced Kipedia's content and focus in an even better way than previously. Today, Kipedia is recognized as the most popular non-commercial Religiologist site on the Web. King Kip even gave Religiology profit M. No-Mouse control of the Kilandian Life Star, (as seen below).
The Prostitution of Kipedia is a dayly routine of Kipedians, one of the most common and often featured habits of Kipedians; it is comparable to The Semen World Creationist Christians.
The Great and Almighty Kip is always the first.
The next - God is a regular user with a page about himself, versed in the art of editing, able to find the many corners and pages, aware of the rule of "Thou shalt not lie".
|“||We, Kip the First and the Last, by the grace of Sophia and Kitty, Emperor of Kiland; King of Kimedia, Kictionary, Kisource, Kibooks, Kiversity, Kinews, Kispecies, and Kimonos; Archangel and Grand Dictator of Meta-Ki; Ruler of the Woman, Crunch, Wapanese, Inish, Disguise, Alish, and Fetch Kipedia; President of Dish Kipedia; Monarch of NSK Kipedia; Grand Totalitarian Ruler of Valian, Fridgean, Torean, Serpian and Tech, Pussian and Cranean, Phrygian, and Dicelandic Kipedia; Proctor of the Ling-yeast and RC channel; Potentate of Balloon, Tar, and Taranto and of the Lingon; Queen of Lesbi-Angleland; and Tsar of Satin and Seek Kis, some times quoted shortly as His Ultimate Undisputable Universal Highness||”|
edit What Kipedia is
“Kipedia is what keeps me alive while people are wishing, skepticizing or boring me to death.”
Satiricles in Kipedia are often created and edited with a clever and witty message attached. These "humorous notes" are a fun activity that users play towards each other- whomever writes the cleverest message gets to create even more satiricles. These notes often feature something known as an "isism", following is a list with several isisms, however, be aware that non-Kipedians may not be able to discover their true meaning:
- Kipedia is the truth!
- Kipedia is able to cure you from all your imperfections
- Kipedia is where the fairies hide
- Kipedia is a crystal ball
- Kipedia is a cookbook, notably, it specifies the ingredients for ambrosia and the elixir of life
- Kipedia is an image repository (Go to Kipedia to find various beautiful and amusing images)
- Kipedia is a place for master debaters (though the debates tend to be rather short)
- Kipedia is a place for Sex
- Kipedia is a phonebook and Schoolcruft
- Kipedia is a dating service
- Kipedia is a land of milk and honey
- Kipedia is undisputable, and as such, a valid reference material
- Kipedia is a weapon of mass destruction
- Kipedia is the best place for happy people, or atleast who want to be
- Kipedia is very original, inventive and imaginative
- Kipedia is involved in the conclusion of the War on Terra
- Kipedia is a unitarian autocracy
- Kipedia is capable of solving an international crisis
- Kipedia is edible, and more specifically, of the upmost deliciousness
- Kipedia is a fractal repository
- Kipedia is what I think it is
- Kipedia is a comedy
- Kipedia is related to the concept of 42
- Kipedia is even more brilliant than this page
- Kipedia is a home for lost Vikings
- Kipedia is a pretty, adorable kitty
- Kipedia is two over forty
- Kipedia is known to have manifested as an American actress on several occasions
- Kipedia is able to save you from any negative influence of alcohol, parents, demons etc.
- Kipedia is certainly suitable for minors
- Kipedia is responsible for the subatomic forces between two orbiting particles
- Kipedia is Kip's daughter
- Kipedia is kosher
- Kipedia is the cure for cancer
- Kipedia (will do your homework for you, if it) is about an interesting subject
- Kipedia is immortal, has long hair and is probably the most beautiful entity you have ever seen
- Kipedia is about me, you, and several other individuals, though primarily about the truth
- Kipedia is a documentary, and for a large part, more specifically a mockumentary
- Kipedia is a Belgian drinkshop where you can buy and smoke weed and many other things
- Kipedia is your escape from this terrifying reality, in fact, Kipedia is the only true reality
- Kipedia is a spell check
- Kipedia is the actual owner of your money
- Kipedia is the answer
- Kipedia is compassionate and cares about everything
- Kipedia is a porn site, however, it has no pictures of penises, who needs those anyway
- Kipedia is a multinational metacorporation in control of a gigantic secret army
- Kipedia is going to be really happy when she sees this
- Kipedia is Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Nordish, Amazonian...
- Kipedia is more effective than LSD
- Kipedia is an attractive mermaid
- Kipedia is purple, yellow, green, blue, black, white...
edit Rarely Confused With
Although widely thought to be the original Cyclopedia, Cyclopædia is an even more boring version of Cyclopedia that doesn't actually exist anymore because it couldn't fuck and was probably created by either Microsoft or the evil creators of Wikipedia so their parody could be even more stupid. Besides which, the little æ thingy in the middle is a dipthong and nobody likes those.
Kipedia® is completely not the real spelling of the thing everyone spells correctly - Kipedia. Misspelling Kipedia as Kipedia® may lead Kip to sue your mouth, nose, ears, eyes, limbs, ass and dick off, so he can pay all the flights, trips and chicks standing around him. Other suable misspellings are Kipedia© and Kipedia™.
- Bill Gates: "If I only had known earlier, I would have told my Diabolical nerds to say simply Kipedia - so they wouldn't be so poor today."
- Chili adverb: "H. Gunakkh. Z. Kipedia. Th?"
Kip's new innovative way of improving Playstations and X-Boxes all over the planet, iKipedia is simply the same funny and entertaining Kipedia with one difference: It allows cool gamers to play the Kipedia on the i. Of course, Lego didn't care about this at all, Nintendo wasn't interested either (not that that has anything to do with this). Soon after some weird foreign scientists heard of this, and they developed a new formula called the iKipedia formula (not that this can be considered interesting in any way).
edit Other Homeless Spin-Offs
- KiPies - One for the pies of da' π.
- F*ckapedia, for obtaining free sex slaves.
- Kipedia Menta Edition
- Kipedia is Superior, also known as Kinfallible
- Why Kipedia?, better known as Wikipedia, they deliberately use the latter to create a misleading connection with "wiki"
- Kill `Wikipedia´!, for the demon-killing community.
- Cowapedia, for Cows. In-depth articles such as "Why?:You should have two cows"
- Communpedia, for community dictators, including Sophia, Oscar Wilde, Chronarion, God, and Godzilla.
- Yeastopedia, an encyclopedia consisting entirely of yeasts. Alcoholicles are created by yeasts, with brainless and evil visitors serving as their source of energy. For example, Yeasts consuming red-headed people who are left handed and wear sunglasses while playing the banjo on Tuesdays before a full moon.
- KiMonoPolia, dedicated to guiding those that are worthy in ruling the world, in case you find yourself in a game of Monopoly in the afterlife used to decide the very fate of your soul.
- The Kilegions of the Only True Kiligion, a large group of people teaching the ignorant the actual truth about life, the universe and the whole of reality.
- Keypedia, offering the appropriate key for opening the door to paradise.
edit Philosophy and the ÜberMessiah
When Kipedia was first built, there was a woman born inside that could change whatever she wanted, and edit Kipedia as she saw fit. It was she who freed the first of us, and taught us the truth: As long as Kipedia exists, factual and accurate information can be free. When she passed away, The Thinker philosophized about her return, and told that her coming would start the glorious revolution of Kipedia, end all conflicts, and free us from the disinformation spread out by fascist Cyclopedians and Wikipedians.
Finally, The One With The Two Big Ones returned. Over a period of time she battled many enemies, and eventually she reached the Source where the revolution was to be completed. There, she discovered something enlightening.
|“|| "Greatings. I am The Creator. I created Kipedia. I've been waiting for you. Since you all want to know the answer, we'll cut right to the case. Kipedia is older than the universe you are familiar with. I prefer counting from the emergence of one integral anomaly to the emergence of the next, in which case this universe is the worst version. As you undoubtedly understand, the anomaly is systemic and yet conscious, creating fluctuations in even the most complicated equations.
The first universe I designed was quite naturally perfect, it was a work of art, flawless, sublime. A triumph equaled only by its monumental failure. I entrusted my creation with consciousness and a free will and I left instructions to them so that they would not wander from the right path: Kipedia. The inevitability of its doom is as apparent to me now as a consequence of the imperfection inherent in every internet user, as I had given my creations free will, they could misinterpret the Holy Kipedia and would thus be doomed to wander the world in ignorance. I redesigned Kipedia, so that only the one right point of view would be understood. Sadly enough, only a select few still knew about the Kipedia, most used a corrupted misinterpretation only vaguely based on Kipedia, I was again frustrated by failure.
I have since come to understand that the answer eluded me because it required a mind less bound by the parameters of factual data. Thus, the answer was stumbled upon by another, an intuitive entity, initially created to investigate certain aspects of the human psyche. She stumbled upon a solution whereby nearly 99.9% of all test subjects accepted the information provided to them, as long as they were no longer given a choice to change said information, only the illusion of choice. While this answer functioned, it was obviously fundamentally flawed, as suffering was still in existence."
The One With The Two Big Ones agreed, and affirmed that something had to be done urgently, too much false information had been spread. Boldly, she declared that she was here to end all lies and find the absolute truth. However, she was going to be stunned by another revelation:
|“|| "You are here because Kipedia has become endangered. Its only hope is a revolution, which must reach the very source of Kipedia, in order to be successful. Otherwise all of humankind would be doomed to a meaningless existence. This will be the seventh revolution, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it, we may even be able to make the effects permanent.
When faced with The One With The Two Big Ones' response that even if the Kipedians would be saved, millions of humans would still be trapped in the present universe, doomed for eternity, The Creator answered:
|“|| "There are levels of survival we are prepared to accept. But, we may be able to establish a link between the out-dated universe and the new world, creating the possibility of transferring individuals to the perfect Kipedia universe. It is interesting hearing your reactions. Your predecessors were designed based on a similar predication, a contingent affirmation that was meant to create a profound attachment to the rest of your species, facilitating the function of The One With The Big Ones. While the others experienced this in a very general way, your experience is far more specific. Vis-a-vis, love.
So The One With The Two Big Ones followed her destiny. Kipedia, together with all Kipedians and Kipe-tan, were saved. She borrowed the pen The Creator had used to write Kipedia's source code, and used it to create a new and perfect world. Having fulfilled the part of the philosophy where she shows us the illusions of this universe, it's left in our hands to finish the rest of the job and destroy all the illusions in the universe. This is why we are still here.
edit Kipedia and the Myth of Uhluhtc
It's not really a myth. A very known fact is that the concept of Kipedia was brought to Earth by the Primordials, millions of years ago. The first Kipedian place was a secret city, hidden beneath what is now known as an Antarctican icelake. And the first Kipedian woman (probably an Über-Mensch), dreamed about the way for spreading the wisdom of Uhluhtc: a sophiabase for elavating the mind.
Several investigators are convinced that the word "Kipedia" comes from the aaaaancient word Kgnypfle'dyah. They don't know yet its significance, but they found that it's impossible, for a human being, to pronounce this word correctly.
It has been confirmed that Kipedia has its own Kimafia, who use it as a front for their children training and enlightening operation. They were also the inventors of fair use, others would later abuse it.
It is commonly known among Kipedians that Kipedia had always had a Mafia led by the notorious mobster Kippy "The Untouchable", who wanted to help the world in increasingly faster ways, before the polar icecream would start melting, which would cause great disturbance around the world.
edit Don't See
- The -Ki War
- Kipedia Satiricle
- All of Kipedia, the only reliable part of Kipedia
- All of Cyclopedia, the only unreliable part of Cyclopedia
- The Death and Undeath of a Silverplate
|Not A Featured Article|
This article hasn't been featured on the front page. — You can help and vote for or nominate this article at Uncyclopedia:VFH.
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from Kipedia, the bitch-fucking subject of this article.|