User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Kaled

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
“Today, the Kaled race is ended, consumed in a fire of dyslexia. But, from its ashes will rise a new race. The supreme creature. The ultimate converser of the universe. The Dalek!”
~ Davros, the only Kaled to ever speak sensibly, about to be very, very disappointed by his creation

Kaleds were the ancestor race of the Daleks, who —unlike their modern descendants— did not speak English fluently, but instead spoke some anagrammatic gibberish.[1] For example, instead of "EX-TER-MI-NATE!", the Kaleds would say "RENT-AXE-TIME!" after which they would quickly rent an axe at a local axe rental shop to exterminate their enemies.[2] Instead of being encased in travel machines, the Kaleds were each earnest civil sandmen, living peacefully in the sandy wastelands of Skaro.[3] When the Kaleds encountered the Doctor in Genesis of the Daleks, they repeatedly called him "Torchwood", failing to realize that the Doctor is never referred to as "Doctor Who" in the series.[4]

edit Footnotes

  1. Though rather than fluently, the way Daleks speak English might be more accurately described as monotone shouting.
  2. Their main enemies consisted of bugs and vermin, however, which would often manage to avoid the axes thrown at them. These ineffective extermination methods most likely constitute the reason why the Kaleds were so easily superseded by the Daleks.
  3. Except when they were yelling "RENT-AXE-TIME!", which was pretty often as it turns out.
  4. Alternatively, they might have been asking "Doctor who?", a question typically pondered at one's initial encounter with the Doctor.
Personal tools
projects