User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni.

Higurashi When They Cry (ひぐらしのなく頃に: Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, literally When the Cicadas Cry) is a Japanese murder mystery hentai sound novel series produced by an incredibly obscure Japanese video game company. The games are built on the NScripter game engine and are playable on Microsoft Windows PCs.

edit Characters

edit Keiichi Maebara

The idiot in the group. He may look young, but he's actually a 51 year old pedophile with a high pitched voice. He has escaped prison recently, and has resumed his kidnapping and raping of little girls and boys douring the 1970's. His first victims were Rena and Mion, both suffering schizophrenia, and giving him even more pleasure in what he does to them. Regardless of his own gender, he has also attempted to kidnap and rape Satoshi. This was a failed attempt, as he got what he deserved and was tied down by his own victim, and teased, and eventually surprise buttsex'd by him, as well. He was left tied up until Rika and Satoko found him, and decided to cut off his...pleasure tool. He never felt so much like a girl before, even if he used to be forced to wear lingerie and duck-underwear for Shion and Takano Miyo.

edit Shion/Mion Sonozaki

The Agressive green haired girl with a split personality. She doesn't really have a sister, it's just a figment of her and everyone else's imagination. Inexplicably she also has the power to duplicate herself, thus hindering her chances of ever being cured of her severe schizophrenia.

“WOH! So THAT's why we see two of her?”
~ Belle Goose in her infinite wisdom of the situation

edit Rena Ragu

Boopa!

She's just like this crazy bitch

Yes she's related to the pasta sause guy. it wakes you wonder, is that why Rena loves killing? Does blood remind her of the delicious stuff her relative puts into glass containers? WHo knows but she's one crazy b-I mean good person. Oh hi Rena! You make me Ohage? With needles in them? Aw you shouldn't have...thanks. You're saying I should eat them now? oh, I-uh just ate!!!! Yup full.... So I'll just save these for later. (turns around, turns back) Eeek! Rena, what're you doing with that cleaver? Ren? Rena!!!!!!!

SPLAT

"Pipirupipirupi!!!" Yells Rena as she stares at my dead body. SHe giggles insanely: "Oh phooey, I thought I was Dokuru-chan again.

edit Satoko Hoejo

A twisted bitch who gets on your frickin' nerves! Not only that, but she's a total slut. Not only that, but she may also be secretly a catgirl but that is yet to be confirmed. Not only that, but she uses push-up bras 'cause she's flat.

edit Rika Whats-her-face

A quiet little girl with an alchohol problem. She occasionally gets raped. We don't really care about her so moving on...

edit Khanyoo

God. Yup, god is a little Japanese ghost girl with horns. What a twist!

edit Ash Hoejo

Satoko's older brother. His name was originally Satoshi, but during the 5 seconds 4Kids had the rights to the show, this was changed to Ash to make it sound more American.

edit The MADness BEgins

Higurashi no Naku Karo ni is obviously Japanese for "When the Cicadas (fucking) Cry" every half wit with half a brain and an Internet connection that downloads porn knows that.it was originally a Japanese murder mystery soft porn series produced by Negi Springfield to reveal the horrors of his sexual abuse by the infamous Class 3AAAAaaaooumuhhuhuhhuhYESYESYES! Negi, the sick bastard, before sending out the perverted game, sprinkled his (gay) magic dust on the outer casing of the games before they were delevered, making Edward Cullen very pissed, and causing him to commit suicide then be brought back by the miracle of Bella's kisses and his own gay sparkles. This abominable dust also brought with it a plague that caused players to play the game uncontrollably till they either died by killing themselves by strangluation with the controller cable or REH (Random Explosion of the Head). The lucky ones that survived lived to tell the tale, going out to kill a bunch of hot Japanese girls in short skirts and dresses.

edit DOWN DOWN DOWN into the toilet!!!

To aussage the violent and unfavorable results of the game's release, the idiots, geniuses at Yen Press released a manga (i.e. sexbook) with the same title and anti-plot. This spread the madness further, resulting in more goat-staring related murders, and even more crazy bitches girls running around in sexy maid outfits and carrying FREAKING LARGE CLEAVERS! The goats and the real maids were reeaaaly upset and tried to kill the sons of bitches in a large and pointless war that had no casualties in human numbers, so the vampires were sad because no blood of any kind was spilled. It got so horribly bad that Edward Cullen (a.k.a the gay vampire, a.k.a Bella and Stephanie's sexy vampire hoe-bag, a.k.a soft lips, a.k.a Cedric, a.k.a party bitch ass hoe spanky boy) wrote an article on it that actually broadcasted briefly on CNN as a special repot called: Cicadas do NOT FUCKING CRY you Mother-Fucking Bastards. In other News Mc Grady is back on the air.

edit Let The Bodies Hit the TV

Hello!

His devious plan in action!

Not soon after these tragedies, the frakking idiots added to the madnes by making a show!! A show people! A cartoon about killing and stabbing and all other crazy shit.[1] Well the porn version went over well, not many people are hemomaniacs...except for those crazy twilight chicks who think blood is hot. It is it is, when you stab the hell out of someone like Rena or Shion, but it cools down and clots. That's when it tastes icky. So when the TVs had another dose of the Higurashi crap they all got up and left for Japan with cleavers of their own. Many brave civillian DVDs were killed along with Nintendo Dss and Silly String Pudding cups. But sadly the evil DVDs containing Higurashi no na-(YOU GET THE FUCKING IDEA THE TITLE IS LONG IN JAPANESE) were not defeated and were used to program robots that tortured Anakin Skywalker till he went to the Dark Side.

edit Incidentally

Do you know what this top hat is? FOOL! Rena wears a hat that contains exactly: One Bill Hooked Cleaver, Matches, Scotch, and a vibrator. Rika secretly huffs kittens with Keiichi and Shion. Mion likes to pretend to be an old man and lure in unsuspecting little catgirls which she surprisingly eats then rapes...reverse that. Separ neht stae y-ou do it your self. Do yourself Detective Oiishi, you fat-ass pedophile. We all know you like little boys like Keiichi-kun. [2] Sorry though he's a pimp and only likes the ladies he's put under his control. Let's just say he uses a rake to break them...with the scratchy end.

edit Basic Plot In Pointless Points

There are eight Frickin' arks to the story each named after boats surprisingly that have sailed in the river next to Hinamizawa village:

  • The Titanic Ark
  • The S.S. Willie Wet Ears Ark
  • The Rape U. Ark
  • The Keiichi Killing Ark (also "the day Rena fought back")
  • The Flowershine Ark
  • The Indiana Jones
  • The Lost Ark
  • The FMA Fan-Club Ark
Big Ship!

Holy Cow, how'd they do it?

edit The Titanic Ark

This was the bloodiest Ark of them all, were our "heroes" hijacked the wonderful un-sunk ship Titanic, and recruited more Hos and Pimps to bring in more revenue to settle Keiichi's Kitten Huffing Problem.

edit S.S. Willie Wet Ears Ark

This Ark was pointless, it sank quickly.

edit The Rape U. Ark

Chances, Chances!!

He took the chance when Rika gave it.

He came close in this ark to violating Satoko (though everyone knows her virginity was stolen long ago, but was stopped by his other slaves just in time. They hid her in Rena's body collection spot (the friggin' dump). However Rika sold out her friend for a bottle of gin 'cause she can't go two hours without going to the bottle. He punished them by going on a pointless trip to his cat's sand box by the bathtub. Hence the water and sand in the picture. He filmed a potential Yuri scene of Rena and Shion/Mion[3] but the later (hotter) films never got sold or printed on the account of Keiichi who wanted to keep them to jack-off to.

Boopa!

The Psychopath Strikes Back

edit The Keiichi Killing Ark

Well, the name says it all, Rena had enough and the crazy bitch finally got her revenge. It was actually all of the episodes involving her killing someone compiled onto a four disk special edition, half the time Keiichi pointing the camera at his own dick so basically we hardly see anything.

edit The Flowershine Ark

The one ark where Keiichi gets a bonk on the head and turns gay. When Oiishi finds this out they walk in the town's yearly Gay is great! parade. They paint rainbows on thier dicks (and faces), and ride on a giant dildo shaped float. After Oiishi and Keiichi have not-so-hot Yaoi sex.

Miracles!

Two girls indulging in their would-be fantasies

edit The Other Arks

These arks are too pointless to write about so I will just put this picture of some fangirls reading one of the books. Pretend they were really good and I'll give you a cookie...'kay?

edit Faps to You!

All in all the bad stuff aside, its a (girlier voice) totally awesome mystery novel-video game-show-hentai thing! Watch it or I will huff your kittens, rape your chickens, and kill your *****ma. Sorry that last one needed to be bleeped out, bad language. All the dirty old men fap off to Higurash-oh fuck it: When They Cry.

edit Reception

“What were we thinking?”
~ Yen Press editors on Higurashi-When They Cry
“And I thought my life was messed up.”
~ Edward Cullen's comments on Higurashi
“It was so shitty, it made me wet my pants...”
~ The President of Funimation
“What the hell is this piece of crap?”
~ your comments on Higurashi
“You guys are all gonna die...okay?”
~ Rena Ryuguu to us all
“Rei...................na?”
~ Rika upon learning Rena's real name
“Shut up bitch.”
~ Keiichi Maebara on Rena's bondage to him
“Oh my fucking gosh. Keiichi, you're supposed to be my sexy man-whore!”
~ Mion Sonozaki on Rena's bondage to Keiichi

edit Footnotes

  1. Did I mention bondage??
  2. What what in the butt!
  3. Who can tell the difference?
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