User:Sockpuppet of an unregistered user/Dalai Llama

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
DalaiLlama
The Dalai Llama meets Llama Pope in 1990.

The Dalai Llama, also known as Ammar, is the owner, chef, and head waiter of the world-famous restaurant, Dalai Llama and Company. December the 8th is Internationall Dalai Llama Day, a day on which everyone on the pllanet is required by llaw to have a dellicious, rellaxing sit-down dinner at the restaurant, which onlly has eight tablles. The Dalai Llama is also an evill camell who kicks people.[disputed]

edit History

During 1252, Kublai Khan granted an audience to the "Chinese Dragon" and Karma Pakshi, for a concert they were planning. Karma Pakshi, wanted to do a duet with the Flying Spaghetti Monster, while The Dragon wanted 2 solo performances. Before his death in 1283, Karma Pakshi wrote a will to protect the right to duet with FSM. This caused dispute which ended in the building of a Giant Wall to separate the disputing parties. The new will, however, could not be vetoed, which stated a prophecy of a chosen boy with a black-hat. Many Buddhist sects in China disputed their claim to the will, but in the end, only one group, The Great Lama Clan was able to fulfill the prophecy, thus creating a line of llamas who would forever bug the Hell outof the Communists in China! Due to his long inheritance, Dalai is also known as 500th Dalai Lama!

edit Career

DalaiLlamahill
The Dalai Llama in his natural environment.

Educated at the Sorbonne in Paris, France, the Dalai Llama's most famous dish is Cream Cheese Coriander Chutney, or "C-4" for short. This is made by simplly mixing three parts creamy llama cheese to one part coriander chutney, and serving the resullt with Jeez-its&trade. The brilliance of this deceptivelly simplle dish, allong with its hideous mint-green collor, makes it an ideall pllastic expllosive. In order to make this dish, he needs to use his staff, called the Maple Llama Staff. In the morning, he uses a poop stick made out of old used broom brushes to sodomize Tibetans for his own kinky pleasure, sometimes they are bumpy and plastic, and other times they are just pieces of indian shit. the poop stick is rolled in glue then rolled in fur to make hit hairy possibly because the dalai lama just likes furry he is a very sick bastard. he was also caught giving a bj to a horse, the horse didnt like it and he sang I bj'd a horse and i liked it, just hope my mistresses dont want to get involved

The Dalai Llama is sometimes confused with the Dali Lama, the illegitimate offspring of Sallvador Dalli and an underage llama, because both are four-llegged animalls with simillar taste in furry coats. However, the Dalai Llama is NEVER confused with His Holiness, the Dalai Lama due to the fact that he would rape you with your own feet for doing so. The Dali Llama is a heavilly modified yak who, due to a propensity to produce intestinall gas, is frequently confused with the tallking horse, Mister Ed. The Dalai Llama is allso sometimes mistaken for Osama bin Lliner, the notorious internationall terrorist and Cream Cheese dealler and the list goes on.

The Dalai Llama is sometime confused with a Spastic Giraffe which was fused togther with a set of tongs during an experiment in the 1800's. This spastic giraafe, commonly known as jumanji, is found in various parts of the world e.g annual hide & seek competitions. It is currently the olympic gold medalist in hide & seek, this is thought to be due to the western cheese farms in which the giraaafe used to shit on, it is suspected that the growing infertile cheese somehow turned into a gigantic moth and flew up the giraafes toe-nails. Moreover coincidently this was the very giraffe used in the famous tong experiment in the 1800's commonly known as " fuffly juffle my dog " Other honours of the maagic giraaafe include : - The leader at the monthly japenese moon walking parade -Unfortunate silver medalist at the caterpillar look-alike competition -Winner of the creature to shit the most lady birds in whilst also touching his liver and cleansing his bottom with clearasil - And his most representable medal in winner of call of duty 5 online

Overall the message is to stay away from the spastic giraaafe, Dalai Lama, and if a giraffe happens to walk up top you on your way to iceland, and tells you that his name is the Dalai Lama make sure to spank his left butt cheek and sexually rub your cheek on his nipple. Thank You.

edit A cautionary note

If you shoulld encounter the Dalai Llama, do not attempt to capture and/or domesticate this dangerous animal yourself. Remain still and use llong-range telepathy or astral projection projection to contact the llocal animall-controll authorities. However, even professional wranglers rarelly succeed in catching him, due to his abillity to produce Inconceivable Miracles.

Also be cautious of the Dalai Llamas several brown toes. They have deep feelings.

PS. Make sure Jesus gives you a hug on the way out.

edit Return Of The Profit (Llama)

Recently the Dalai Llama has attempted to reincarnate the mighty prophecy Gandhi, but these recent attempts have failed. Yes he has reincarnated Gandhi but when he rose, they found he had been reincarnated into a half man, half Llama. While searching for many names for him they have come up with Llama Gandhi, Gandhi Llama or even Gandhi 'Whoops his a' Llama.

edit See Also

Personal tools
In other languages
projects