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Mr James Michael "Mark" Pemdas, also known as Pemdeye, P.T., Russel Crowe, and even Matt Damon, is America's most beloved musician, author, teacher, and funnel cake. Born in a distant universe on February 31 about ten million years ago, Pemdas is one of the world's best-known figures, shortly falling behind Santa Claus and Ronald McDonald.
edit Early life
Pemdas was hatched from a dinosaur egg about 10 million years ago on February 31. At the age of twelve-thousand he began to hit stones with sticks, which eventually became known as "drumming". He formed a folk band with his friends Brian Peppers and Adolf Shitler called The Big Strong Tree Men, and 600 years later they released their first album, Bumming is Fun for a Woodparty in the Tree Forest of the Happy Lads in South Central Pangaea. It was a quick hit, but was shit on for the fucked up quality, as it was recorded with equiptment from the stone age.
edit Indian party
The Big Strong Tree Men got laid by many women in their hometown of China, but eventually things got different. The Middle East heard of the band, and they were quickly informed that they have been making records. The dick tator of India heard of this, and invited the Tree Men to a sexy tree party in the desert.
The Tree Men arrived with hoods on similar to that guy from that game. Potato Head welcomed them into a large tree palace similar to the one from that movie Atlantis, but this time it was covered in trees instead of water. They enjoyed themselves, drinking alcoholic sap and sucking on large branches, until finally the pigs came to ruin the party.
Although everyone in the palace attempted to escape, only Brian Peppers had found his way out of the palace, while everyone else was thrown in jail, and set to be executed by a large thing that looked very phallic. Mark sat in his cell for over 300 years when finally Brian snuck in to bail him out.
Mark argued with Brian about how he had to wait so long, and he explained that Adolf Shitler was killed about 69 years earlier. Brian told Mark the reason of him not attempting to bail them out was because he was living a perfect life in Ohio with many young children.
The Big Strong Tree Men officially broke up after the death of Shitler.
edit The Egyptian days
Mark was happily living as a pharoah in ancient Egypt when Brian Peppers knocked on the pyramid door. Mark opened it to see that Peppers' face was no deformed and mutated. Shocked, Mark ran over to a large faucet which spewed out magical fruit punch and attempted to drown Peppers in it.
Peppers finally broke free, and the punch dropped from his deformed eyebrows onto the floor below him. The pyramid then began to collapse, and they attempted to run out. Peppers, as usual, escaped, but Mark was killed by a giant rock that hit him in the face.
edit Mayflower incident
Pemdas was revived during the Pilgrim days, but he had lost his eye in the terrible accident, and they replaced it with a small onion. He then attended the trip on the Mayflower, but he was pushed over by an unknown assailant and fell into the water, where a large shark ate the onion and killed Pemdas in the process.
edit Second revival
Pemdas was revived one again in 1999, his eye now being replaced by a glass one that looked funny when he moved his head. He then got a job as a teacher up until the fateful day in 2012, where Pemdas was murdered by an unidentified sniper who shot Pemdas in the eye and almost killed the population of the world.
Pemdas returned in the future, around 2319. He was revived by a giant butthole that crapped him out. He now looked like a cyborg, his eye being replaced from glass to a very high-tec device. He teamed up with Darth Vader, eventually joining the "light" side with Luke, when he was later stabbed in the eye by a lightsaber from Vadar.
edit Final revenge
Pemdas was revived for a final time in the late 4000s. He found that Master Chief had killed Luke and taken over every universe, planet, and country, being kind of like how Hitler was with Germany. Pemdas finally found Master Chief in a local Wal-Mart, and took off his helmet to reveal that he was, in fact, Brian Peppers. Brian admitted he drowned Pemdas during the Mayflower trip, assassinated him in 2012, and that he was also Darth Vadar. With that being revealed, Pemdas shot Peppers with a dart gun and ended Peppers' reign of terror forever.