User:SmackBot/Credit Control

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"Thank you for calling the Uncyclopedia Call Centre. All calls are charged at $1.50 per minute, which is being added to your telephone bill as you read this. Please select one of the options shown on the left, or look at my pretty face while you wait an unspecified time for an opportunity to speak with me or one of my less-attractive colleagues."

Sorry, "<insert name here>", a check on your credit status indicates that we cannot open an account for you.

There are many reasons why this situation may occur, including the possibility that one or more of your credit cards has been used fraudulently, or that you are a victim of identity theft. However, for reasons of confidentiality, we are not allowed to disclose any of the information that our search revealed.

You may wish to ascertain whether your credit status is affected by fraud, in which case you may pay a credit assessment agency to search on your behalf.

Would you like to consult a credit assessment agency now?

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