Welcome to the Uncyclopedia Call Centre. You may have come here by accident, divine will or clumsiness, or perhaps out of sheer desperation in which case you may wish to choose from one of the following options.
"Thank you for calling the Uncyclopedia Call Centre. All calls are charged at $1.50 per minute, which is being added to your telephone bill as you read this. Please select one of the options shown on the left, or press zero for an opportunity to speak with me or one of my less-attractive colleagues."