User:Skinfan13/peereview/Pee in progress
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The story of how this page originated is on the talk page. It was a driving force for the creation and the early writing of the article, and then it became fun to write, and soon was more fun than a barrel of donkeys. Thanks for taking this,
Aleister 18:36 3 7 MMX
- In the name of Sophia and for the honor of the fraternity, it would be my pleasure to review this article for you! 24-48 hours. I'm going to sleep now, but I'll start tomorrow as soon as I awake from my slumber. -- GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 03:56 EST 5 July, 2010
|Humour:||9.25||The way I review, I generally put the majority of my comments and suggestions in the humor section. This allows me to |
Wow! This was a lot funnier than I expected, nice angle you took there. I really like the beginning of the article, I'm currently at home by myself and I was laughing out loud, literally, and that is a rare thing indeed considering I only expose my laughs when other people can hear my hearty guffaws. That said, I do have a few suggestions for improvement before this gets put up for featuring.
Section by Section
I think I had the most problems with this section, namely because it's short and doesn't read very smoothly. Expanding your introduction and making it a little more comprehensive would be a pretty good idea. Rewording what you have too is going to be important, I had to read through the intro twice in order to make perfect sense out of the word order. I would break the first sentence down more clearly. I would also find a better way to say "stupider and stupider." Something like, "lamer and more expensive," or something to that effect. As for expanding, just be sure to include a little more material from your article.
This is by far the funniest section of your article.
|Prose and formatting:||9|