User:Skinfan13/peereview/Pee in progress

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edit Rolex

The story of how this page originated is on the talk page. It was a driving force for the creation and the early writing of the article, and then it became fun to write, and soon was more fun than a barrel of donkeys. Thanks for taking this,

Aleister 18:36 3 7 MMX

In the name of Sophia and for the honor of the fraternity, it would be my pleasure to review this article for you! 24-48 hours. I'm going to sleep now, but I'll start tomorrow as soon as I awake from my slumber. -- Sir SF13 (Talk) Upsilonsigmasigmacrest GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 03:56 EST 5 July, 2010
Humour: 9.25 The way I review, I generally put the majority of my comments and suggestions in the humor section. This allows me to be lazy keep all of my thoughts organized. I'll give you my first impressions after one read through and then go in for a more detailed look.

Initial Impressions

Wow! This was a lot funnier than I expected, nice angle you took there. I really like the beginning of the article, I'm currently at home by myself and I was laughing out loud, literally, and that is a rare thing indeed considering I only expose my laughs when other people can hear my hearty guffaws. That said, I do have a few suggestions for improvement before this gets put up for featuring.

Section by Section

Introduction

I think I had the most problems with this section, namely because it's short and doesn't read very smoothly. Expanding your introduction and making it a little more comprehensive would be a pretty good idea. Rewording what you have too is going to be important, I had to read through the intro twice in order to make perfect sense out of the word order. I would break the first sentence down more clearly. I would also find a better way to say "stupider and stupider." Something like, "lamer and more expensive," or something to that effect. As for expanding, just be sure to include a little more material from your article.

Early History

This is by far the funniest section of your article.

Concept: 8
Prose and formatting: 9
Images: 4.5
Miscellaneous: 9.5
Final Score: 40.25
Reviewer: 0
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