User:Skinfan13/United States of America

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Skinfan13
Revision as of 04:48, July 29, 2010 by Skinfan13 (talk | contribs)

(diff) ← Older revision | Latest revision (diff) | Newer revision → (diff)
Jump to: navigation, search
United States of America
Empire of Tyrannic Imperialism
EMPIRE! Imperialseal
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: Kill Peace-Loving North Koreans
Anthem: Blood-Spangled Banner
Capital Washington, D.C.
Largest city New York City
Official language(s) English
Government Empire
Imperial Oppressor Satan
National Hero(es) Ronald McDonald
Established 1776
Currency Dollar
Religion Money

Being written from the perspective of Kim Jong Il

The United States of America is a country on the small, insignificant continent of North America. It is technically a constitutional republic, but in reality it is more like a hegemonic imperial empire of total evil. They are the second most arrogant world police force in all of history, behind the wicked British. The reason most scholars have concluded this is that Americans (people residing in the United Imperial States of America) preach ideals of liberty and justice, but in reality practice narrow-minded, ruthless, and dogmatic tyranny on the poor peace-loving land of North Korea and its dear friends, Iran and the People's Republic of China. Almost everything you read on google about America is a lie propagated by the evil Imperialist dogs who hold the world hostage. The following is the truth about the so-called "freedom-loving" skunks, as revealed by the Glorious Leader.

edit History

edit Colonial Imperialism

One Imperial Power always starts another, this is the correct logic as taught in Pyongyang University. Under this supreme logic, it can be concluded that the British Empire intended all along to plant its seed. This seed would grow into its child, which would inherit its legacy. This is the truth which has been discovered by the Glorious Leader and revealed to the world in order to bring bigger truth and enlightenment. The first act of imperialist aggression by the British in North America was in the year 1492 when their agent and his armed henchmen descended upon the poor native peoples and stole their lands in pure capitalist fashion. This so-called Christopher Columbus was the founding father of America. With his blessing the imperial British began to kill all the innocent communist natives and take their lands. This started when the heavily armed ship Mayflower brought soldiers to kill the peaceful communist Indians of Massachusetts. After they had slaughtered them all, the British settled the land with their slaves. A few years latter the imperialist British sent another expedition to kill everyone in Virginia and take their lands.

After engineering evil diseases to kill even more native peoples, the new 'American' colonists founded governments. They would have you believe that they created democratic societies, and it is true! As every good worker knows, democracy is the most vile and evil of the tools of tyranny. But even so, they were hypocrites! These governments sent raiding ships to the Dark Continent to take people prisoner to be sold in evil capitalist fashion to dirty Americans! Democracy is slavery! The stupid Americans did not even pick the best workers to be their slaves. All smart people know that Koreans are the hardest working peoples in all the world, and North Koreans are harder working than vile South Koreans. In their imperialist stupidity, they completely overlooked the strong and courageous Korean people when they considered which races of men were best suited as slaves. Not that the Americans would have been able to take any Korean people as slaves. As was demonstrated later in history, Koreans are far superior in strength and unity when compared to filthy, thin, cowardly American cowboys!

edit So-Called 'Revolution'

Lies! Their revolt was no revolution, and here is the proof: If it was a revolution, how come they did not turn themselves into a communist nation? Clearly the propaganda is false! And furthermore my children, it is unwise to rebel against one's governing authority. It is for this reason that the Americans did not have a true revolution, but rather a dirty war of aggression against peace-loving Great Britain.

Personal tools